one of "those" moments

[cassierachelle]

Oh goodness, what an interesting break this has been so far. It was SO weird coming home, kind of like some sort of time warp or something. It's as though nothing here in Tahlequah, Oklahoma has changed, but everything has changed all the same. I look at who I was a year from today, and I realize how much I've grown, how much I've learned - then I look at who I was two years from today... and it blows my mind. I think I like where life is heading. I think I like life, friends, family, and love. I think I like even the tragic moments that make for a good story, that build a little marrow to deepen our hearts and strengthen our spirits. It's all so beautiful. I love God, not so much the "theological/factual" God (although the bible and it's truths fascinate me) that people try and shove down your throat sometimes, but the patient, kind, merciful, loving God that he shows himself to be through a breath taking sunset, some quiet moments with friends, and a good snow or rain fall. This has been the most gorgeous December I've seen in a long time. Pretty windy, only chilly sometimes, but mostly perfect. I love being home - it's just enough nature, just enough of "old friends," just enough of "home" to keep me going for another semester. Me and my best friend Alicia went for a walk the other day, to the end of this road that is kind of a cliff that looks over a valley. We just sat there, enjoyed the sunset, enjoyed the hills and the breeze, and enjoyed life. I know it's cliche, but life truly is about the journey. I have to remind myself of that often because I get so caught up in where I want to be, and what I want to achieve that I forget how glorious the road there can be if you just stop taking it for granted, let go of your hardened heart, and begin to take yourself, life and everything around you for what it is. I am fed up with discontent, whether it be in myself, my situation or whatever. I am annoyed at myself for taking wonderful things for granted. How are you supposed to notice all the blessings around you if you continuously focus on the things that you are discontent about, or the things that you are set on changing? I think it's a good thing to want to grow and cultivate your heart and life, but not if it leads you down a road of tunnel vision. Serving others is key I think, and remembering that in this life some opportunities are short and full of beautiful. That our lives are a tiny part of a bigger picture. That people have been working at what we are working at (whether it be faith, the arts, or loving others) long before we were even born, and the least we can do is sit in reverence and be thankful for those who we admire and love who've gone before us. Those who've sacrificed much so that we can live the lives we are living today, so that we can be the privilaged people that we are and live the comfortable lives we live. I wonder what my life would look like if I truly didn't take a day for granted? Could you imagine always having a thankful heart? Even in the worst of times being thankful for something and not having any ulterior motives? What a wonderful life that would be, even in the dark times you would be able to shed light on some situation, on someone, on some blessing.
Okay so sometimes I get caught up in these thoughts, but I just needed to get some rambling out. Needless to say this has been a very interesting break. I've been able to reflect on the semester, on my life, on my choices, and I am excited about things to come. I am actually happy with how this past semester went because it made me realize what truly is important to me, and what makes me tick and keeps me vibrant. So on that note I will leave you with a little quote:

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and live every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. "
-John Wooden, From the Practice and Study Materials for The Trumpet Studio of The University of Oklahoma School of Music