Depressed Again
here I am again.. complaining about it again. I just hate myself for it. I want to tell it all out. But English is the only language I can write and therefore could not write publicly as I do not want them to know. It's really a hard feelings.. I wonder what will become the future. Would my future involves them? I never thought that I would be alone. I never for a moment imagine that they will slowly ignore me in their activities. But without me realising, it has happened already. By the time I noticed, I could not do any changes. I know positively that I would not sacrifice my future just to be together with them. It's my future and I should really give 100% attention to it. But deep down I am really dissapointed in the way they treated me. It is as if I am not important anymore and the involvement of me does not mean much to them anymore. They start to discuss things among themselves without the urge to ask my opinion or even tell me about it. Why. I know I am not much of a good company and sometimes really make things difficult for them. But am I really that hate-able? I really never realised that I am making them going further away from me. My temper is my fault. I know it and I did try to control them. But how do you expect me to now feel hurt and angry when they do things together while I just sit at home imagining what they are doing. And when we finally meet, doesn't even bother to update me about the happening. Maybe to them is just nothing. A daily chit chat thingy. But to me, I really feel left out. One of them, which is really close, did not even bother telling me the news. Feel like such a burden to keep explaining their discussion result to me. Does she ever think that I will feel hurt. I know I am being super sensitive here. I am such an idiot. I know that. But when I couldn't join them for activities, I feel left out and get jealous of them. It's really silly of me. I keep telling myself to get over it. They still think about you. It's only because they happen to do the job together so they are together while I did not want to do that job which is why I am alone here. But what I want is just a small small attention from them. Just to update me on what's happening. I never know. And they expect me to know. If I don't ask I will never ever know. It's a torture!