;(
ugh. why do i have to always feel this way. its 1:26 a.m so i should just sleep but i am so alone and empty and i dont know....i cant really describe what it is i feel; reading twilight fanfiction isn't working, in fact its making it worse...and its so dark outside and i'm right by the window and that adds to my mood i guess....the idea of bleeding and falling asleep as blood drips down my arm is so tempting, it sounds so soothing i want to let myself feel it even though i've already done that this afternoon and usually my rule for myself is not more than once a day....but damn i'm so close and nothing in the world feels right....I'm so lost inside myself and will never be able to tell anyone how I feel, it is my destiny to be alone, damnit i am so close to breaking i try to like myself but i hate myself so much, when i look in the mirror what I see repulses me, this isn't me, sometimes i don't know who i am anymore. there is nothing real to hold me to anything. it is like i am trapped in a maze in an alternate dimension and i am the only one there and the walls are dark and i cannot see past them.
I WANT OUT
I WANT THIS TO BE DIFFERENT
AND DAMNIT....I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE. (but I am scared of myself)
I WANT OUT
I WANT THIS TO BE DIFFERENT
AND DAMNIT....I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE. (but I am scared of myself)