I am seeing in me now, the things you swear you saw yourself.
You know how change is usually good for people? Well, I've never had something change for me for the better. Right now, there's so many little things & a few big things along with that, going so wrong. & It slowly all adds up & it just makes me feel so empty. For the past year, I've just felt so lost & it's so sad that there was only one thing that made me smile. & That's done & over with now.
I've never really wanted a pattern in life, I've wanted new things to happen, surprises. No sort of routine. But that has changed in a way, I'm wishing so much that this summer is exactly like last summer. The same things don't have to happen, I just want him to come back to me so unexpectedly. That summer I had the best week of my life, waking up every day smiling, because I had him right there with me. Late at night, he would just lay there watching me pretend to sleep, kissing my forhead & brushing the hair out of my face. When all of his friends weren't over, we would just cuddle with each other as he sang to me & told me how much I mean to him. But most of all, I remember the night I left. We actually got in a fight, over the stupidest thing. 3 in the morning, he would call me crying & begging me not to leave him. & I can't believe that the thought of leaving him would have ever crossed my mind. For the longest time, it was so hard to wake up in the morning, not laying there next to him. There was no one there to wake up to watching me, no one there to play me songs on the guitar, no one to hold me & make me feel alright. Sure, we were still together but after spending a week straight with him, I got used to him being there all the time. & Now, it's hard to imagine how I got so upset because I couldn't see him for even just a day, because now..I see him everyday, but I can't hold him, I can't hug him or kiss him, or anything. The one thing I can do is look at him & see what I had & what I may never have again.
How is it that he moved on so easily? & It's been howwww fucking long & I'm still spending my friday nights crying over him. He still crosses my mind on a daily basis, people still ask me about him all the time. I have tried & tried & tried & tried countless times to get over him, but absolutely nothing works & it's just pointless to continue trying. These feelings are permanent. & I wish more than anything in the whole entire universe, that he could say the same about me.
All I have to say is..
If that aint love,
then I don't know what love is. =/
Oh. & his birthday is today.
I just wish I was the girl spending it with him.
I've never really wanted a pattern in life, I've wanted new things to happen, surprises. No sort of routine. But that has changed in a way, I'm wishing so much that this summer is exactly like last summer. The same things don't have to happen, I just want him to come back to me so unexpectedly. That summer I had the best week of my life, waking up every day smiling, because I had him right there with me. Late at night, he would just lay there watching me pretend to sleep, kissing my forhead & brushing the hair out of my face. When all of his friends weren't over, we would just cuddle with each other as he sang to me & told me how much I mean to him. But most of all, I remember the night I left. We actually got in a fight, over the stupidest thing. 3 in the morning, he would call me crying & begging me not to leave him. & I can't believe that the thought of leaving him would have ever crossed my mind. For the longest time, it was so hard to wake up in the morning, not laying there next to him. There was no one there to wake up to watching me, no one there to play me songs on the guitar, no one to hold me & make me feel alright. Sure, we were still together but after spending a week straight with him, I got used to him being there all the time. & Now, it's hard to imagine how I got so upset because I couldn't see him for even just a day, because now..I see him everyday, but I can't hold him, I can't hug him or kiss him, or anything. The one thing I can do is look at him & see what I had & what I may never have again.
How is it that he moved on so easily? & It's been howwww fucking long & I'm still spending my friday nights crying over him. He still crosses my mind on a daily basis, people still ask me about him all the time. I have tried & tried & tried & tried countless times to get over him, but absolutely nothing works & it's just pointless to continue trying. These feelings are permanent. & I wish more than anything in the whole entire universe, that he could say the same about me.
All I have to say is..
If that aint love,
then I don't know what love is. =/
Oh. & his birthday is today.
I just wish I was the girl spending it with him.