Better off Dead
so here goes the venting...
I have got a lot on my mind & I must say I am not the happiest person right now.
I feel guilty for some things I have done recently... ok that's a lie, I don't regret what I did (yet lol) just kind of the situation it happened in. I feel like I disrespected 2 of the most important people in my life. I have been changing TONS lately, I'm not going to to lie. I am certainly not the same person. Maybe the same person, cause I am probably one of the most caring, trustowrthy people you will ever meet, but my actions are a whole lot different. I'm in this "I dont give a shit about anything" mood when in all reality, I do. It is nice to know my friends are there and are willing to listen to me but I feel guilty for pouring my heart out to them. I don't feel like I deserve to be listened to. Maybe it doesn't make sense but in my mind it only seems right. I expect my friends to come to me w/ their problems cause I love helping them & being there for them but I dont feel like I can do the same. & I used to think that it was because I didn't have anyone to listen to me but that is not the case at all. I have realized I have so many people that care but I am not willing to let them help me. I tend to want to do things for myself, I hate getting help from people but that is almost impossible. & I don't think it's neccessarily for my sake, I just feel guilty for asking people for help, asking for anything really. I don't deserve anything from anyone. I really dont know what to do.
I have got a lot on my mind & I must say I am not the happiest person right now.
I feel guilty for some things I have done recently... ok that's a lie, I don't regret what I did (yet lol) just kind of the situation it happened in. I feel like I disrespected 2 of the most important people in my life. I have been changing TONS lately, I'm not going to to lie. I am certainly not the same person. Maybe the same person, cause I am probably one of the most caring, trustowrthy people you will ever meet, but my actions are a whole lot different. I'm in this "I dont give a shit about anything" mood when in all reality, I do. It is nice to know my friends are there and are willing to listen to me but I feel guilty for pouring my heart out to them. I don't feel like I deserve to be listened to. Maybe it doesn't make sense but in my mind it only seems right. I expect my friends to come to me w/ their problems cause I love helping them & being there for them but I dont feel like I can do the same. & I used to think that it was because I didn't have anyone to listen to me but that is not the case at all. I have realized I have so many people that care but I am not willing to let them help me. I tend to want to do things for myself, I hate getting help from people but that is almost impossible. & I don't think it's neccessarily for my sake, I just feel guilty for asking people for help, asking for anything really. I don't deserve anything from anyone. I really dont know what to do.