Who cares what my inseam is, it will never be the same as yours.....
It is richly amazing what you can learn about yourself in just a few days. It is also horribly disappointing when you realize you already knew the things about yourself that you hate.
At the closing of this week, I have been reflecting on its events. I started school for the 16th time. I have been getting ready for my first day of school for 16 years, that somewhat surprised and overwhelmed me. And things haven't changed. I am still on the outside of what is considered the norm to achieve my own goals. I have also been reevaluating my goals. Are they still mine, are they still attainable? I am not so sure anymore. These days I feel like I am trying to force myself to reach goals that were set for me, not that i necessarily want. Therefore, when I don't make those goals i feel bad, yet they weren't even what I wanted to begin with.
So, i let myself do something last night that I felt in the back of my mind that I shouldn't. It wasn't wrong, but i knew that, once my mind started racing with a thousand thoughts, it may not have been the best idea i have ever had. I let myself slip into something that was exciting and comfortable (for a minute) and I let myself have a bit of fun. Afterwards, when I was left with my thoughts, i realized that maybe I became uncomfortable, maybe i worried about how my thoughts and feelings may change because of my actions, maybe I am scared because of the unknown factor surrounding the entire situation. Yes, ambiguity is my forte, but as much as i write with is usually multiplied ten fold in my thoughts that i never share.
At the closing of this week, I have been reflecting on its events. I started school for the 16th time. I have been getting ready for my first day of school for 16 years, that somewhat surprised and overwhelmed me. And things haven't changed. I am still on the outside of what is considered the norm to achieve my own goals. I have also been reevaluating my goals. Are they still mine, are they still attainable? I am not so sure anymore. These days I feel like I am trying to force myself to reach goals that were set for me, not that i necessarily want. Therefore, when I don't make those goals i feel bad, yet they weren't even what I wanted to begin with.
So, i let myself do something last night that I felt in the back of my mind that I shouldn't. It wasn't wrong, but i knew that, once my mind started racing with a thousand thoughts, it may not have been the best idea i have ever had. I let myself slip into something that was exciting and comfortable (for a minute) and I let myself have a bit of fun. Afterwards, when I was left with my thoughts, i realized that maybe I became uncomfortable, maybe i worried about how my thoughts and feelings may change because of my actions, maybe I am scared because of the unknown factor surrounding the entire situation. Yes, ambiguity is my forte, but as much as i write with is usually multiplied ten fold in my thoughts that i never share.