(no subject)
as of thursday i will be a resident of hot springs, for the summer at least. i went to canada. that was fun. they really do say eh a lot. i have found myself in this bad habit, but i could have worse ones. i sat last night at 4:15 in the morning and wondered what i was doing. somehow even though i am moving less than 100 miles away it seemed like more than a thousand. all i could do was think, what the hell do you think you are doing? i am finally getting a break from my not so sane family, and yet i am going to miss them terribly. i have lived in one house pretty much my whole life and now after 17 years of living at 6417 Chippewa Dr. and knowing my way around my town like it is the back of my hand, i am moving to a town i don't even know my way around, and house that i don't even know the address too. my desperation grew as i searched for the answer to what i was doing. and after an unanswered phone call and two episodes of sex and the city, i decided i would just sleep on it. i awoke this morning at an early 10 am for such a late night before and i realized what i was doing. i realized i was afraid of change. my life, although some rough patches have occured, has had some regularity. same town, mostly the same house, mostly the same friends. now i am looking at a different town, and different house, and probably some friends, which leaves behind my old ones. in all my pondering i have figured out, that although i am leaving my friends in little rock, i am not leaving them behind, most of them are a phone call away, and i am moving closer to some of them. i am simply taking a well needed leave of absence from my not so normal regular life. i've also realized that i should be welcoming with open arms this new part of my life not dreading the unfamiliar. it will be a challenge, but i have decided what i am doing, is taking a dive into the unknown, and trusting it will work ok. so with all my worry and need for unanswered questions, i answered them myself. it is strange how by looking at your fears, you can often figure out what your problem is. well with all that i take my leave. i hope everyone has a good summer.