woe is me
blah.
im not exactly sure what mood im in right now...kinda in between myself i guess. if that makes any sense at all. i had a decent weekend, nothing happened at all. it flew by too. im just thinking about life, and how sometimes i get so confused as to what its all about. what the hell are we all doing here??? and then i think the answer is so simple that it cant be what it is, and even if it isnt, well...it is for me at this moment. im here to raise my daughter, and to show her love and teach her how to cultivate the amazing little person she already is.
i was sitting in the living room today watching kaydance play, and talk, and became so overwhelmed with intense emotion for her that i thought i might bust. shes amazing. if i have only done one thing worth anything in my life it is bring her into the world. she has truly changed me. and i say that with a great respect, because it takes a lot to change another person...and i believe that only children have the capability of making it come to pass honestly. you can change for a lover, for instance, but you will always drift back to what you were...to what you are. a baby, ah. now that makes a world of difference. babies make souls bigger, and hearts fuller. thats how they change you. well, thats how mine has changed me. not that i was an incapable person, or unloving or even a bad person before she came along...its just, shes made me realize just how fragile life is. shes made me hope, and aspire to do great things for her future. being her mother has brough a true depth to all things poetry, to every stanza i think, and every emotion i feel. she has made me laugh so hard, and smile ear to ear, and even on occassion want to pull my hair out. and oh how tender she has made me. i dont think i have ever once looked into her little face and not felt my heart weep with happiness. i never knew that i would ever feel like that. i never knew being a mother suited me so well. anyway, all that said and she is fast asleep leaving me to my own devices. lol. *sigh*
ya know there is a lot i could say, Lord knows ive got things to journal...but, i think ill just leave it at this for now. ive said the really profound things i wanted to say. and the rest is probably just me complaining. no one wants to hear that, right? lol. so. this is me, and i love my daughter. and thats the synopsis of this entry.
good night {sweet} sunday.
im not exactly sure what mood im in right now...kinda in between myself i guess. if that makes any sense at all. i had a decent weekend, nothing happened at all. it flew by too. im just thinking about life, and how sometimes i get so confused as to what its all about. what the hell are we all doing here??? and then i think the answer is so simple that it cant be what it is, and even if it isnt, well...it is for me at this moment. im here to raise my daughter, and to show her love and teach her how to cultivate the amazing little person she already is.
i was sitting in the living room today watching kaydance play, and talk, and became so overwhelmed with intense emotion for her that i thought i might bust. shes amazing. if i have only done one thing worth anything in my life it is bring her into the world. she has truly changed me. and i say that with a great respect, because it takes a lot to change another person...and i believe that only children have the capability of making it come to pass honestly. you can change for a lover, for instance, but you will always drift back to what you were...to what you are. a baby, ah. now that makes a world of difference. babies make souls bigger, and hearts fuller. thats how they change you. well, thats how mine has changed me. not that i was an incapable person, or unloving or even a bad person before she came along...its just, shes made me realize just how fragile life is. shes made me hope, and aspire to do great things for her future. being her mother has brough a true depth to all things poetry, to every stanza i think, and every emotion i feel. she has made me laugh so hard, and smile ear to ear, and even on occassion want to pull my hair out. and oh how tender she has made me. i dont think i have ever once looked into her little face and not felt my heart weep with happiness. i never knew that i would ever feel like that. i never knew being a mother suited me so well. anyway, all that said and she is fast asleep leaving me to my own devices. lol. *sigh*
ya know there is a lot i could say, Lord knows ive got things to journal...but, i think ill just leave it at this for now. ive said the really profound things i wanted to say. and the rest is probably just me complaining. no one wants to hear that, right? lol. so. this is me, and i love my daughter. and thats the synopsis of this entry.
good night {sweet} sunday.