Observations
So, things with Dragon are still relatively new. We've been together for a little over two months at this point. We've been expanding our boundaries, sexually anyway, bit by bit - and recently got to the poing where Dash is okay if Dragon leaves love bites or other marks on me (among other activities, anyway). Dragon left a little love bite on my boob yesterday, and after some shyness about it, I eventually showed Dash. And he went "Ooooh, cool!" And then grabbed my boobs.
Which was a much, much better response than I'd expected, or been trained to receive due to experiences with the ex-husband.
Y'see, when Dash and I were at that phase in our relationship, the whole frenetic new relationship stage where make-outs were frequent and often fraught with biting and sucking and left lots of marks behind, ex-husband wasn't really cool with it. That's not to say he was all "no he can't leave marks on you", and he certainly had love-marks from Red at that point (and left his fair share of them on her, too), but he just didn't like seeing them on me when he wasn't the one to leave them there. Ex-husband even went so far as to say "I don't want to shower with you or see you naked anymore, when you've got marks on you like that."
And shit like that really effects a person, long-term. I was half-expecting Dash to have the same reaction yesterday, even though I know he's not like that at all, because ex-husband had sort of trained me to expect some really negative reactions when it came to sharing my body sexually with other people. Like the time I came home from M's house, and ex-husband said "You stink of sex" and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Or the infamous sexual health incident while I was with M, where he wouldn't speak to me for three whole days and threatened to divorce me. Or pretty much anything involving M, to be honest. By the time I was dating Boy, ex-husband decided to start his own dating exploits and pretty much left me to my own devices. There were no boundaries, no comments about sex, nothing. Mostly because by that point, he'd apparently given up on me for newer and better things.
So having such a positive response to something sexual, tame as it is, from Dash? Helped heal a lot of the shit that ex-husband did, even in that small gesture of saying "ooh cool" and grabbing my tits. And the fact that he's actually feeling compersion for me, that's something new and almost overwhelmingly wonderful. And Dragon is happy that I'm happy that Ross is happy, and then Kitty was happy about Dragon being happy, and all that compersion exploded into some happy times of varying types for all of us last night, hahaha. Which leads to a very happy Casse this morning.
Seriously hoping things continue to stay this wonderful. I mean, I know there'll be arguments, and my anxiety/depression will get the better of me from time to time, but in general? I want to keep being able to communicate easily with my partners. I want to keep feeling these wonderful fuzzy warm feelings.
Which was a much, much better response than I'd expected, or been trained to receive due to experiences with the ex-husband.
Y'see, when Dash and I were at that phase in our relationship, the whole frenetic new relationship stage where make-outs were frequent and often fraught with biting and sucking and left lots of marks behind, ex-husband wasn't really cool with it. That's not to say he was all "no he can't leave marks on you", and he certainly had love-marks from Red at that point (and left his fair share of them on her, too), but he just didn't like seeing them on me when he wasn't the one to leave them there. Ex-husband even went so far as to say "I don't want to shower with you or see you naked anymore, when you've got marks on you like that."
And shit like that really effects a person, long-term. I was half-expecting Dash to have the same reaction yesterday, even though I know he's not like that at all, because ex-husband had sort of trained me to expect some really negative reactions when it came to sharing my body sexually with other people. Like the time I came home from M's house, and ex-husband said "You stink of sex" and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Or the infamous sexual health incident while I was with M, where he wouldn't speak to me for three whole days and threatened to divorce me. Or pretty much anything involving M, to be honest. By the time I was dating Boy, ex-husband decided to start his own dating exploits and pretty much left me to my own devices. There were no boundaries, no comments about sex, nothing. Mostly because by that point, he'd apparently given up on me for newer and better things.
So having such a positive response to something sexual, tame as it is, from Dash? Helped heal a lot of the shit that ex-husband did, even in that small gesture of saying "ooh cool" and grabbing my tits. And the fact that he's actually feeling compersion for me, that's something new and almost overwhelmingly wonderful. And Dragon is happy that I'm happy that Ross is happy, and then Kitty was happy about Dragon being happy, and all that compersion exploded into some happy times of varying types for all of us last night, hahaha. Which leads to a very happy Casse this morning.
Seriously hoping things continue to stay this wonderful. I mean, I know there'll be arguments, and my anxiety/depression will get the better of me from time to time, but in general? I want to keep being able to communicate easily with my partners. I want to keep feeling these wonderful fuzzy warm feelings.