up and down.. Up and Down

[cassbebe27]

I hate these mood swings... really hate them.. yesterday before work and during work, I was GREAT!! I looked good. and felt good about myself. I had fun.... .. Then I get home.. to be with myself.. Read something, that I bet didnt even have anything to do with me. But Andrew had posted it, so it bothered me. I want SOO MUCH to have the relationship that we used too. To be able to say EVERYTHING to each other. We were soo open. I stil want that. but he doesnt. and now I realize that if I were to tell him everything I was feeling and thinking that, well, he would probably run away. Hide. Never return.. I probably would. But gosh, now he is just going through sooo much. and I feel absoulutely childish to want and think that he can help me with my trivial problems. I need to be there for him NOW. and to do that, I need to get rid of the thought that I can talk to him about us.
There is no us!! why cant I get that through my head. I try to convince myself of that a while ago. It worked. then we started talking. I just sat in the shower and repeated to myself. Andrew does not want you like that anymore. Andrew does not want you anymore... He is not going to take you back.. Because honestly.. I THINK... not sure.. that is what I am waiting on.. but I dont know.. If I can just get rid of the idea that we can be normal again. I can be the his friend again. I can do it. I will do it. it may take some time.. but I can pretend until then right??!! yeah..

Well speak of the devil he is calling..

wish me luck