Amen
Came from the doctor today; as usual, the visit has given me some things to mull over.
My doctor is pushing me to get biologicals, meaning medicine that is supposed to go beyond the superficial level, side effects and such, and aggressively treat my lupus and rheumatoid athritis. We've been delaying the decision for months now and we were supposed to give our decision based on the second opinion we got from another doctor. We decided not to have the biologicals done. It's expensive and we're wary about the side effects. Instead, we proposed that my dose of steroids be upped as recommended by the other doctor. My rheumatologist wasn't happy about it, though she understood our reservations. Anyway, she explained everything again and even tossed in some advice on where to get support for the cost of the medicine. I guess I'm getting the biologicals. Somehow.
Why does money always have to be a problem?
If you had 10 million what would you do with it? For me, the answer was simple. I'll give 2.5 million each to my mother, my brother and Kuya Arnel. The remaining 2.5 is mine and 1 million is for my, what we fondly call, "senior citizen fund" (I am now a holder of a PWD [Person With Disability] card. Its benefits are like a Senior Citizen card, lol). Yeah, 1 million would nicely answer for my medical needs for a while. Sigh, such is the life of the one with disability and no medical insurance.
Money, money, money. Makes the world go 'round. As I was taking off my favorite stilettos (I also came from my brother's capping ceremony this morning. He is now officially a nurse, haha), I started thinking again. Where will I get the money to support my medical needs? All sorts of ideas come to mind:
And it all just came back to me. Sanity. Clarity. Blessed words of wisdom from the priest in that mass this morning. Sorta.
What am I doing?
Am I actually planning my life around my medical needs?
What sort of life would I be leading if I go that route?
A totally unbearable one, I imagine. One without meaning, without purpose. A life without honor.
I know. Death is scary and I am scared of having to go through another hospital confinement. The last one was awful, a really traumatic experience. I need money to finance my medical needs, but it takes more than just medicine for me to live.
My life needs a purpose. I need a mission.
What am I living for?
It's definitely not the thought of keeping myself alive just so I won't die.
I refuse for it to be.
I refuse.
So what is my mission in life? I'm not quite sure yet and I'm still scared about the uncertainty of the future, but I'm trying.
Trying to find it. Trying to actually live.
Here's to hoping that I maintain the courage and this optimism.
Thank you God for this piece of wisdom today. I think I owe you another one.
Amen.
My doctor is pushing me to get biologicals, meaning medicine that is supposed to go beyond the superficial level, side effects and such, and aggressively treat my lupus and rheumatoid athritis. We've been delaying the decision for months now and we were supposed to give our decision based on the second opinion we got from another doctor. We decided not to have the biologicals done. It's expensive and we're wary about the side effects. Instead, we proposed that my dose of steroids be upped as recommended by the other doctor. My rheumatologist wasn't happy about it, though she understood our reservations. Anyway, she explained everything again and even tossed in some advice on where to get support for the cost of the medicine. I guess I'm getting the biologicals. Somehow.
Why does money always have to be a problem?
If you had 10 million what would you do with it? For me, the answer was simple. I'll give 2.5 million each to my mother, my brother and Kuya Arnel. The remaining 2.5 is mine and 1 million is for my, what we fondly call, "senior citizen fund" (I am now a holder of a PWD [Person With Disability] card. Its benefits are like a Senior Citizen card, lol). Yeah, 1 million would nicely answer for my medical needs for a while. Sigh, such is the life of the one with disability and no medical insurance.
Money, money, money. Makes the world go 'round. As I was taking off my favorite stilettos (I also came from my brother's capping ceremony this morning. He is now officially a nurse, haha), I started thinking again. Where will I get the money to support my medical needs? All sorts of ideas come to mind:
- Get a high-paying job somehow or one with a wicked medical insurance plan (Doable...?).
- Go abroad, migrate, to a country that has awesome healthcare benefits (Canada! I recognize you!).
- Marry someone rich (HAHAHAHAHA).
And it all just came back to me. Sanity. Clarity. Blessed words of wisdom from the priest in that mass this morning. Sorta.
What am I doing?
Am I actually planning my life around my medical needs?
What sort of life would I be leading if I go that route?
A totally unbearable one, I imagine. One without meaning, without purpose. A life without honor.
I know. Death is scary and I am scared of having to go through another hospital confinement. The last one was awful, a really traumatic experience. I need money to finance my medical needs, but it takes more than just medicine for me to live.
My life needs a purpose. I need a mission.
What am I living for?
It's definitely not the thought of keeping myself alive just so I won't die.
I refuse for it to be.
I refuse.
So what is my mission in life? I'm not quite sure yet and I'm still scared about the uncertainty of the future, but I'm trying.
Trying to find it. Trying to actually live.
Here's to hoping that I maintain the courage and this optimism.
Thank you God for this piece of wisdom today. I think I owe you another one.
Amen.