(no subject)
I am absolutely and completely depressed.....I screwed up..I admit it....Isnt there some foregiveness out there for the good person??? I normally do the right thing....But every now and again fear scares me enough not to use my brain....I dont know why..It just happens...Then I cry and hate myself....I guess its the fact I am so nonconfrontational I am a push over at times...I'll so whatever it takes to avoid Confrontation I end up in it deeper than if I thought about the consequences of my actions....I also dont like holding grudges...I dont have enough room in me for hate and anger....I've tried it before...Holding a grudge...It consumes me quick, turns me into a bitter person...Yes me!The cutesy happy perky girl.... a Bitter, Mean Bitch!....and then I hurt others and dont notice it....I hurt my family and loved ones...I hurt them badly...I've done it...I dont like it...I dont like snapping back to who I really am and seeing the hurricane of hurt I caused...Because there is nothing I can do that will truely make it all better...I just hope that the people I hurt Realize that I do Love them and That I feel awful and that its killing me everyday for the rest of my life....So for those I have hurt...all that I can say is sorry...But let my love for you prove that...So Please forgive me....