Annie Lennox - Into The West
Today's video is from the Lord of the Rings films because I feel angry and sick and just blah, and I always look to Fantasy type things and that sort of very soft music when I feel like that, when I feel the need to escape the real world for a better one. Then when I'm *really* pissed that's when I switch to harder music and let out the anger, mostly I throw things around, ( nothing breakable though ), but I'm just too tired for a temper tnatrum now so I'll settle with just relaxing, because it is not that bad and it'll all be better tomorrow morning.
I hate how stupid people can make you feel like shit. And it's so easy with me too, because I get all worked up so fast, and then I hate myself for it, and then I just end up being in that state of anger and annoyance with people in general. I don't know, I just went to this dinner party for a friend of my mom's birthday, whom I LOVE, she is *such* fun, but her friends were just a bunch of arrogant, self righteous jerks. Well that's mean of me, because there were some nice people but some of them just drove me mad.
You know the kind of really vulgar people who feel the need to talk SO LOUDLY and laugh SO LOUDLY to make sure they're the center of attention and whose sense of humor consists of making fun of people and expect them to laugh. I have a sense of humor. I can take people making fun of me, and I laugh at myself all the time, but that is reserved to friends only, I will NOT have a random stranger mock me for no reason at all.
Random guy: "So, you don't smile much, do you?"
Me, politely: "Well, yeah I do, I'm just a little tired *smiles*"
Random guy: *takes in my black clothes and weird hair* *snorts**looks the other way and proceeds to completely ignore me*
WTF man? So you've just met me, and you assume I'm some depressed little goth girl or whatever, when I'm really just very tired and have the worst headache. Seriously man, I've barely slept in the last three days, I feel like I'm gonna puke any second and my head is throbbing. Give me a break, I'm trying to be as pleasant as I possibly can, but don't push it.
Then there's this:
Random guy number 2: *offers me cake*
Me: "Oh no, thanks, I don't want any."
Him: *puts plate in front of me anyway*
Me: *sighs* *gets up and politely tries to offer to random guy number 3*
N°3: "Oh no, you can have it!"
Me, still politely: "I don't want it, thanks."
N°3: *rolls his eyes* "We haven't licked it or anything you know, it's good to eat". *forced laugh*
Me: *starting to lose my patience* "Oh, I know that! I really just don't feel like cake, thanks." *smiles*
N°3: What, don't you like anything?
Me: *sighs audibly* *picks up the freakin piece of cake angrily and puts it next to me*
N°3, speaking REALLY LOUDLY: Oooh now we've angered her! *laughs with some other jerks*
Me: Geez, relax, I'll just eat it later!
All: *stare as if OMG I'm so rude and depressed and dark and unpleasant*
I wanted to fucking murder every last one of them. Ugh. I hate those situations, because I think of myself as a tolerant person, but in reality I have a very *low* tolerance point and I have this aggressive nature that comes out every time I'm faced with people like that. I'm tolerant with things like gay marriage, skin colour, etc... But definitely not with stupidity, especially when combined with arrogance.
I get strong gut feelings about people too, either I like you or I don't, and when I don't I have this defense mechanism putting itself up and all my trust issues problems resurfacing all at once, and I guess that at this point I probably come off as a sad, withdrawn person, when really I'm a very happy, bubbly person. I just have to be with the right people.
Oh well, it's not that big a deal, I probably won't ever see these people again, so I don't really give a shit. I have ten more days here ( thank God it's almost over, I cannot stand the Cote d'Azur, 95% of the population here consists of bitches, jerks and show offs, it's all about the money and the looks baby!! ), then New York, then home and then wherever the fuck I want, so screw them. ^_^
Okay, going to sleep now in the hope that I'll feel better in the morning. Head and stomach hurt. :( Knowing me, I think it's in the head, I've been a little upset for the past few days, hence the lack of sleep, which induced the headache. I probably created the stomach ache too. I know myself too well. My mental state dictates my physical state. It'll be all over soon and I'm going on the best holiday in my life in just 1O days, yay!! ^_^