i dont know what i am thinking and feeling... please tell me...

[cass_genoway]

Well... today...err... yesterday... wasn't so cool... i didnt get online until like after dark... and when i did i wasn't in that great of a mood... but i tried... and then i put an away message up asking people if they thought i shouldn't go out with Ian and his friend... and Stuart said something like... well i can't think of a reason... but hmm... wouldn't it suck if you got raped by 2 drunk dudes (that isn't like exactly what he said but it is close)... and in another away message i was like... does rape hurt?... and i wasnt really serious... but... he got mad... and later in the convo he started ranting... (not that it was a bad thing... but it made me cry... and i felt really bad) and he was saying everything that could happen... and he said that kyle's sister was raped and she got herpes... and a week later she killed herself... and that made me feel really shitty... and kyle told me not to listen to him and stuff and just to ignore him... but i couldnt... and yeah... and then kyle said something that cherry has been saying... he is only being like that cus he likes you... and that totally blew my mind... cherry had been saying it... but i didnt believe it... and now... idk... and i was like why do you think he likes me?... and he said i don't think, i know... and i was like why? how?? ... and he said 'he told me'... and ... now i am thinking about things and that is why i am writing in here... so now 2 people have told me stuart likes me... but... since he hasnt ... it is highly likely ... er... likely that it isnt true... kyle and cherry both say he likes me because i am one of the only people who are nice to him... (i think my gramar is incorrect there... is/are...idk)... but that is a weird reason to like someone... i try to be nice to everyone... and if i'm not... it means something is probably wrong with them... ... but we wont get into that... ... hmm... what was i talking about?... i could type what i am thinking about... but i think one or two people actually read this... so i am not sure if i should... ... hmm... i'll type it later... if someone brushes their teeth and changes their pants after they smoke because you told them to... that doesn't mean they like you... ... just had to type that... ok... i guess i will say what i am thinking about... ... ... umm... no... not yet... ok... if he liked me ... i think he would of told me... well... maybe... cus i have asked him numerous times if he likes anyone and he always said no... and he also said he doesn't like to lie... so... see... i have just gotten myself to believe it.. okay... so... he doesn't like me... now i don't need to type what i was thinking!... although there was this one really awkward times in one of our convo's when i IMed him after he had been jerking off... yeah... that made me think for a LONG time... gosh... now i am thinking about it again!... grr... damn this live journal!... damn it!... hmm... today or yesterday... not quite sure... he got mad at me for saying he wasnt really sorry... cus he was like... I'm sorry i made you feel bad (something like that) I'll leave you alone... and i was like no dont and you're not sorry... and he got all pissed off at me... and was like... I think i would know if i am sorry or not... i wouldnt of said it if i wasnt... (again... paraphrasing)... and i have said stuff like that alot... and he never got mad... he was always like ... lol ur right... and then he was all mad... and then i felt bad again... ... why am i feeling so low... i don't like this... i like him... but i dont like this... ... anywayz... i already convinced myself he doesn't really like me... otherwise he would of told me... maybe... or he would of said he liked someone... IDK... leave me alone!... anywayz... i am finally tired... or really stressed out or depressed... and i dont like being depressed... although i don't many people LIKE being depressed... but whatever!... i'm gonna go to sleep... kyle and cherry have to be wrong... (i wouldn't mind if they are right... but that would mean he lied to me... and i dont like that)... well... i love you... good night!

-love me-

_.-~*VirgiN-_-MarY*~-._

i love you cherry...
i love you nathan...
i love you kyle ...
...i love you stuart