whats on my mind now
hey sorry i havent wrote in a while but i have been kind of busy. I have been through so much since the last time i wrote in my journal. right now i am talking to joey and trying to update my journal
so how has everyone been? i have been through hell and back and i wish i had beth there to help me. But of course i didnt and its all my brothers fault. and right now i hate him to death!!!!!!!!!
i moved in with my dad about 2 weeks ago and now i have a restraining order on my mom and brother because i am sick of all of the crap they have been putting me through. what have i did to them? nothing but everything they wanted me to do i did for them. is that so bad? to do everything for someone. here at my dads i get help when they are home and i dont have to do everything for them. all i do is try my hardest but it seems like nothing i do is ever good enough. its like no one gives a crap what i do all they do is care about them selfs.
There used to be one person i could talk to about all of my problems and she would help me out but i cant talk to her on the phone we cant hang out the only way we can talk is at school or writing letters to eachother. and i owe all of that to my brother. what he did was wrong. he has done it to a lot of people including me and my older sister. i told my mom that he has done it to me but all she does is blame it on his disability. ya he knows better and he shouldnt be doing that. i have lost a lot of my friends for his stupidity. why should i lose my friends over him? i couldnt have no one stay the night or have any of my friends come over because he would always try to do something with them. sometimes i was afraid to have joey come over because i was afraid he might try sometihg on him too. ya i know that sounds crazy but it could happen. with my brother you never know. see beth was one of my best friends i went to her with all of my problems and i could tell her everything and she would give me advice on what i should do about it. and i have been through a lot and i have had no one be there for me like she was and used to be. Ya joey was there but i couldnt really talk to him because he jokes around about everything too much. i have never told anyone about what my brother has done to me until here recently and i was afraid. the only person i told was my mom and that didnt help. she blames everything an his disability. which all that is is ADHD. ya he should know better then to touch people when they say NO cuz he is 19 and he knows damn well the difference between yes and NO!!!!!!
right now there is only one thing i want back in my life and that is to have beth back as my best friend. i miss her a lot. she felt like my sister and she always understood me. i dont know if i will ever have her friendship back to the way we used to be but i just wish we were friends and we atleast talked. she thought i was mad at her but i have never been mad at her. i thought she was mad at me. and people say i have said things about her behind her back and that is one thing i have never done or will never do. I LOVE HER LIKE A SISTER and i would never talk about her behind her back or i eould never say anything bad about her. the only thing i have to say is i miss her and i want our friendship back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if were not best friends like we used to be or even if were not close like we used to be all i want is for us to just be friends!!!!!!!!!
well its getting late and i still have to eat and take a shower and read some journals.
so how has everyone been? i have been through hell and back and i wish i had beth there to help me. But of course i didnt and its all my brothers fault. and right now i hate him to death!!!!!!!!!
i moved in with my dad about 2 weeks ago and now i have a restraining order on my mom and brother because i am sick of all of the crap they have been putting me through. what have i did to them? nothing but everything they wanted me to do i did for them. is that so bad? to do everything for someone. here at my dads i get help when they are home and i dont have to do everything for them. all i do is try my hardest but it seems like nothing i do is ever good enough. its like no one gives a crap what i do all they do is care about them selfs.
There used to be one person i could talk to about all of my problems and she would help me out but i cant talk to her on the phone we cant hang out the only way we can talk is at school or writing letters to eachother. and i owe all of that to my brother. what he did was wrong. he has done it to a lot of people including me and my older sister. i told my mom that he has done it to me but all she does is blame it on his disability. ya he knows better and he shouldnt be doing that. i have lost a lot of my friends for his stupidity. why should i lose my friends over him? i couldnt have no one stay the night or have any of my friends come over because he would always try to do something with them. sometimes i was afraid to have joey come over because i was afraid he might try sometihg on him too. ya i know that sounds crazy but it could happen. with my brother you never know. see beth was one of my best friends i went to her with all of my problems and i could tell her everything and she would give me advice on what i should do about it. and i have been through a lot and i have had no one be there for me like she was and used to be. Ya joey was there but i couldnt really talk to him because he jokes around about everything too much. i have never told anyone about what my brother has done to me until here recently and i was afraid. the only person i told was my mom and that didnt help. she blames everything an his disability. which all that is is ADHD. ya he should know better then to touch people when they say NO cuz he is 19 and he knows damn well the difference between yes and NO!!!!!!
right now there is only one thing i want back in my life and that is to have beth back as my best friend. i miss her a lot. she felt like my sister and she always understood me. i dont know if i will ever have her friendship back to the way we used to be but i just wish we were friends and we atleast talked. she thought i was mad at her but i have never been mad at her. i thought she was mad at me. and people say i have said things about her behind her back and that is one thing i have never done or will never do. I LOVE HER LIKE A SISTER and i would never talk about her behind her back or i eould never say anything bad about her. the only thing i have to say is i miss her and i want our friendship back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if were not best friends like we used to be or even if were not close like we used to be all i want is for us to just be friends!!!!!!!!!
well its getting late and i still have to eat and take a shower and read some journals.