Bad
I wonder where I'd be if a lot of things were different.
I mean, I'm sure everyone does, but to this extent?
One small thing could've changed EVERYTHING, you know?
Small, tiny, the most miniscule things get to me.
Why?
Why?
Because they are all I can relay on, all I can hold on to.
All I can cherish.
This summer has corroded me, it has stripped me to my core.
I wish I was a recluse, never leaving my house.
I wish so many things.
I want so many things.
Yet, I never get them.
I'm too pussy to either earn them, ask for them, or get them myself.
That's it basically, I am a huge wimp.
A fucking softy.
My heart is much too big for my mind, and it's getting the better of me.
I take in people too quickly.
I let them crawl into my skull too fast.
And they know when to do it, of course they do.
Everything is changing.
I am changing.
I am hardening, I am becoming closed off.
It doesn't bother me much, but it's started to show to other people.
I'm stopping usual things, I'm taking everything seriously.
I have let myself become...translucent, if you will.
I mean that metaphorically of course, but nonetheless, I am.
My feelings have gone from the backseat, to the drivers in milliseconds.
(Horrid analogy, I know, but humor me.)
They have consumed me, taken the reins, if you will.
And I'm just sitting back, letting my logic doze off in the corner.
I need school, I really do.
I need to keep my brain on logical things, real things, theories, equations, facts, knowledge.
I need Biology, I do, I really do.
I need English, and books, and writing, and just thoughts racing through my head.
I need that drama, and the feeling of school becoming more a chore than choice.
I need the routine, getting out for 6 hours a day, never knowing if I'm coming home after school, but always do.
I just need everything about it.
I can't fucking wait.
22 more days.
Oh, and I'm going to Warped Tour, which is always going to be good for me.
17 August, with Michael and Alex.
Only 12 days for that.
Life is a fucking bitch.
Too much pain, jealousy, issues, feelings.
I want my period.
I need it.
Come on body, please.
I must be off.
Spilling the beans shan't be good.
I mean, I'm sure everyone does, but to this extent?
One small thing could've changed EVERYTHING, you know?
Small, tiny, the most miniscule things get to me.
Why?
Why?
Because they are all I can relay on, all I can hold on to.
All I can cherish.
This summer has corroded me, it has stripped me to my core.
I wish I was a recluse, never leaving my house.
I wish so many things.
I want so many things.
Yet, I never get them.
I'm too pussy to either earn them, ask for them, or get them myself.
That's it basically, I am a huge wimp.
A fucking softy.
My heart is much too big for my mind, and it's getting the better of me.
I take in people too quickly.
I let them crawl into my skull too fast.
And they know when to do it, of course they do.
Everything is changing.
I am changing.
I am hardening, I am becoming closed off.
It doesn't bother me much, but it's started to show to other people.
I'm stopping usual things, I'm taking everything seriously.
I have let myself become...translucent, if you will.
I mean that metaphorically of course, but nonetheless, I am.
My feelings have gone from the backseat, to the drivers in milliseconds.
(Horrid analogy, I know, but humor me.)
They have consumed me, taken the reins, if you will.
And I'm just sitting back, letting my logic doze off in the corner.
I need school, I really do.
I need to keep my brain on logical things, real things, theories, equations, facts, knowledge.
I need Biology, I do, I really do.
I need English, and books, and writing, and just thoughts racing through my head.
I need that drama, and the feeling of school becoming more a chore than choice.
I need the routine, getting out for 6 hours a day, never knowing if I'm coming home after school, but always do.
I just need everything about it.
I can't fucking wait.
22 more days.
Oh, and I'm going to Warped Tour, which is always going to be good for me.
17 August, with Michael and Alex.
Only 12 days for that.
Life is a fucking bitch.
Too much pain, jealousy, issues, feelings.
I want my period.
I need it.
Come on body, please.
I must be off.
Spilling the beans shan't be good.