~You're Frozen~
So I managed to piss off John. I alienated Alanna. And I'm just not in the mood to care.
One of my main issues is having to depend on someone. I hate it. Completely. I don't like being vulnerable like that. I'm disappointed way too much to like it.
One - JOHN
Recently, we've had to some pretty disturbing news about a family member. I was busy dealing with it. Along with a million others things that I could no longer keep up. Physically and mentally drained, I let John know that I didn't think I could go over his house to fix my project. He complains that he has other plans later so it has to be then. I tell him to forget about it. I'll most likely not be coming to class. He bitches. Saying 'omg fine, when do you want to come over'. That's when I really lost it. I told him to fucking forget it. I wouldn't be going to class again. He flips out that I won't come to class. Right now, I'm falling down that spiraling slope that usually gets me around this time. I can't make myself care anymore.
So, I told him to shut up. He complains about that, but I don't speak to him.
Now about five minutes ago he IMs me, asking if I'm still mad at him. Didn't reply. So once again he goes on a rampage about what he 'thinks' I want. In truth, I know doesn't know what I want. I don't even know what I want anymore.
Two - Alanna
Bitching about the car to her, I finally get Alanna to text Jeff. He replies back to me but doesn't tell me a number. This further makes me flip and I bitch him out. We eventually go up there and get the car ourselves. Apparently, Jeff isn't in the right mind atm. I know. I should check on him. That's what I would have done. Had I cared. I'm not joking about the inability to care. It's not like me to not care.
After which I pretty much tell Alanna that she isn't really a friend to me. She's never around. Always makes plans with people who she herself says drive her insane and repeatedly get pissed at. But they have time. Right. She says sorry. I tell her I know and then go to sleep.
Three - I don't want to care. Maybe I'm being selfish or odd wanting to be able to care but not wishing to care at the same time. ~_~ I just have that feel of wanting to crawl in bed and not get up.
Stupid time of year.
On a better note. I've been hacking at my NaNo. Current word count (though I'm behind) 12,443
Hopefully I can at least get up to 20k by this week and then hack to 30k by this weekend. HOPEFULLY~
One of my main issues is having to depend on someone. I hate it. Completely. I don't like being vulnerable like that. I'm disappointed way too much to like it.
One - JOHN
Recently, we've had to some pretty disturbing news about a family member. I was busy dealing with it. Along with a million others things that I could no longer keep up. Physically and mentally drained, I let John know that I didn't think I could go over his house to fix my project. He complains that he has other plans later so it has to be then. I tell him to forget about it. I'll most likely not be coming to class. He bitches. Saying 'omg fine, when do you want to come over'. That's when I really lost it. I told him to fucking forget it. I wouldn't be going to class again. He flips out that I won't come to class. Right now, I'm falling down that spiraling slope that usually gets me around this time. I can't make myself care anymore.
So, I told him to shut up. He complains about that, but I don't speak to him.
Now about five minutes ago he IMs me, asking if I'm still mad at him. Didn't reply. So once again he goes on a rampage about what he 'thinks' I want. In truth, I know doesn't know what I want. I don't even know what I want anymore.
Two - Alanna
Bitching about the car to her, I finally get Alanna to text Jeff. He replies back to me but doesn't tell me a number. This further makes me flip and I bitch him out. We eventually go up there and get the car ourselves. Apparently, Jeff isn't in the right mind atm. I know. I should check on him. That's what I would have done. Had I cared. I'm not joking about the inability to care. It's not like me to not care.
After which I pretty much tell Alanna that she isn't really a friend to me. She's never around. Always makes plans with people who she herself says drive her insane and repeatedly get pissed at. But they have time. Right. She says sorry. I tell her I know and then go to sleep.
Three - I don't want to care. Maybe I'm being selfish or odd wanting to be able to care but not wishing to care at the same time. ~_~ I just have that feel of wanting to crawl in bed and not get up.
Stupid time of year.
On a better note. I've been hacking at my NaNo. Current word count (though I'm behind) 12,443
Hopefully I can at least get up to 20k by this week and then hack to 30k by this weekend. HOPEFULLY~