It is what it is...
Despite the fact that I am sitting here at work, about to poke my eyes out with my ink pen, I have been trying to make sense of what most call life. I know, I'm a thinker...I try and understand things/situations/conversations, when really, I just need to take them for what they are and to not look deeper into it than is necessary. (but it's just so hard!)
Sometimes stuff happens in my life that I just accept. And then there are times when I can't stop thinking about how the actions/words can so greatly affect me. That why friends, the people who know me as well as they say they do, unintentionally hurt me. I know that friends are there to look out for you, that they only want what is best....they definitely don't want to hurt you and don't want to see someone else hurt you. Yet, in reality, nobody knows what is best for me but me. And even then...sometimes I don't even know what's best for me. In the end, I respect my friends for caring about me, but please, just let me make my own mistake if there is one to make. I will learn. And please...don't go telling everyone about my issues. They are mine. If you have an issue with me, tell me. Don't tell others. It makes it harder for me to value our friendship. And don't. Please. Don't be fake. If you don't like someone...don't pretend to liek them. You're wasting your time and everyone else's. (By the way, when I just typed that, I felt like a total bitch. And this is because it's already hard enough for me to say something like this to someone...and then type it. It really makes it clear how i feel. but i just dont want it to come back and bite me in the butt.) I guess it's just really tough
I have become accustomed to thinking a lot about the future. And deeply. Like what my hopes and dreams are...and where I see myself in the relatively near future. Talk between Doug and I has been pretty serious. The idea of a future together excites me and scares me and makes me nervous and so many other things all at once! We have already talked about moving in together and what that would/could be like. I stayed with him while he was housesitting his mom's house. That was an experience. It was sorta like it was our own place to come home to eachother at night, yet it wasn't. If that makes sense. But regardless, i liked the feeling. I can't wait for what the future holds. And I never knew what love really was until I found someone who makes me happy...who I can just be myself around. I can't believe it. I think he's the one. And as i am typing this i'm smiling. Because he can really do that to me.
I might update more after lunch. Considering i've been working on this and some other things too for about an hour and a half.
until then.
~love is in the air~
Sometimes stuff happens in my life that I just accept. And then there are times when I can't stop thinking about how the actions/words can so greatly affect me. That why friends, the people who know me as well as they say they do, unintentionally hurt me. I know that friends are there to look out for you, that they only want what is best....they definitely don't want to hurt you and don't want to see someone else hurt you. Yet, in reality, nobody knows what is best for me but me. And even then...sometimes I don't even know what's best for me. In the end, I respect my friends for caring about me, but please, just let me make my own mistake if there is one to make. I will learn. And please...don't go telling everyone about my issues. They are mine. If you have an issue with me, tell me. Don't tell others. It makes it harder for me to value our friendship. And don't. Please. Don't be fake. If you don't like someone...don't pretend to liek them. You're wasting your time and everyone else's. (By the way, when I just typed that, I felt like a total bitch. And this is because it's already hard enough for me to say something like this to someone...and then type it. It really makes it clear how i feel. but i just dont want it to come back and bite me in the butt.) I guess it's just really tough
I have become accustomed to thinking a lot about the future. And deeply. Like what my hopes and dreams are...and where I see myself in the relatively near future. Talk between Doug and I has been pretty serious. The idea of a future together excites me and scares me and makes me nervous and so many other things all at once! We have already talked about moving in together and what that would/could be like. I stayed with him while he was housesitting his mom's house. That was an experience. It was sorta like it was our own place to come home to eachother at night, yet it wasn't. If that makes sense. But regardless, i liked the feeling. I can't wait for what the future holds. And I never knew what love really was until I found someone who makes me happy...who I can just be myself around. I can't believe it. I think he's the one. And as i am typing this i'm smiling. Because he can really do that to me.
I might update more after lunch. Considering i've been working on this and some other things too for about an hour and a half.
until then.
~love is in the air~