Something to Say [Sam/Gabe]
Title: Something to Say
Author:casiedearestfic
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel (& Dean/Castiel)
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: h/c, some bruising
Words: 8000
Summary: Weak vessels and strong relationships.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the boys. All characters belong to respective copyrights.
Notes: It rained today. A lot. And hey look, I wrote TFWfic again! I knocked out a Sam/Gabe and a Dean/Cas all at once! \0/ (Also, I invented a childhood dog for the Winchesters.) Written for the 'bruises' square on my hc_bingo card.
Cas had been weakening for quite some time now. Day by day, his power had dulled, and his body had acquired more aches and pains. Sam was almost confused by the whole process, not understanding how exactly it worked. But, if he was completely honest with himself, if wasn't that he couldn't understand. It was just that he couldn't bring himself to think about it. He could do nothing but sit and watch as Dean fumbled to put Cas back together, to be there for him, to help him whenever possible. It wasn't until just recently that Sam really threw himself into the situation, researching, asking, studying, anything. It wasn't because Dean couldn't take care of Castiel by himself. It wasn't about Cas at all, really. It was about something else.
Someone else.
Gabriel had kept quiet about it for a length of time that Sam wasn't quite sure of. Hadn't mentioned it at all. How typical. Sam was angry with himself for a while, hating the fact that he didn't know, couldn't tell that something was wrong. But this wasn't about Sam, not now, it couldn't be. Not when Gabriel was growing weaker by the day.
"Take a break, Sam." Dean's voice was tired and rough. He was sitting on the bed across the room, tacky argyle wallpaper behind him. The lights were dull, a sick yellow glow, and Sam hated the way it all reminded him of illness, of disease, of just...being unwell.
"I can't, Dean." Sam's fingers flew furiously across the laptop keyboard, entering words and phrases into search engines. He wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for anymore, he'd exhausted most of his ideas days ago. But he couldn't stop. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, because he'd find himself sitting right back in the same spot, typing out the same things he'd done all day, and the day before that, and before that.
Dean just shrugged, keeping his eyes on the dusty television screen. Cas was sitting on Sam's bed, looking at nothing in particular. His gaze was distant, like he was focusing more on the air than the objects around him. He wasn't broken, not completely. He wasn't dying, he was just sort of... fading. He wasn't quite himself. He wasn't curious or passionate, not the way he used to be. He spoke with less command, less reverence, and it hurt Sam to imagine Gabriel ending up the same way.
Sometimes, he hated the fact that Dean and Cas had too much pride to really be together. They'd always sit on separate beds, keep their hands to themselves, keep their conversations basic. But at the same time, they'd share little moments, things that said it all. Dean would help Cas with his tie, offer to share a drink. Cas would tend to Dean's wounds, and fold his clothes when they'd fall to the floor. Sam had no idea what they were like when they were alone. He was fairly sure that they were sleeping together, and he knew that Dean had stopped looking at the flirty waitresses who'd bring him free drinks. And somehow, he was also pretty sure he knew that Dean was aching to hold Cas right now.
But that wouldn't happen. Not today, not tomorrow, because Dean was Dean. And he wouldn't expose that side of himself, not in front of Sam, certainly not in front in Gabriel. Gabriel. Sam felt a dull ache swoop through his chest as he imagined the archangel, radiance gone, energy diminished. Cold and broken, empty.
Dean looked up when he heard the click-clack of the keyboard grow louder, quicker, angry almost. Sam's face was hard and determined, and Dean knew he wasn't going to give up, not any time soon. They both knew, they all knew, that the internet didn't have the answer. No wiki page was ever going to give Sam the power to save Gabriel or Cas, but it was what he needed to do. It was all that he could do, and Sam had to take the option. There was no way he could just sit and watch both angels break right in front of him, because one crack could be the downfall of them all.
Castiel's weakness put a taint on Dean, and Dean's suffering stabbed a blade through Sam. Sam's pain bit at Gabriel, and then Castiel would have to watch his brother fall apart, piece by piece. They were a team, a full circle, the closest thing to a family that any of them had had in a really long time. And Sam wouldn't let that go, not for anything.
The sky outside the window was a deep black velvet, and Sam guessed it was probably a little after one in the morning. Dean was slumping lower in his bed, eyes blinking for just a little too long. Castiel was silent, still focusing on things in his head, rather than in the room. Sam had no idea where Gabriel was, but he wished that he did. He thought about going out into the parking lot, calling for him, but no. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Because Gabriel couldn't be using his powers when he didn't need to.
Gabriel was still quite strong, far better off than Castiel. But it was sort of hard to compare the two. Cas had rarely used his power and energy for things that weren't extremely important, like healing or transporting. The lack of full energy effected him less for that reason. Gabriel, though, was different. Dean had once called him a power whore, and Sam couldn't deny that there was some truth to that. Gabriel liked his abilities, maybe a little too much. When they had to poke around on the thirteenth floor of an office building last month, they'd all arrived there at different times. Dean and Cas took the elevator, Sam took the stairs, and Gabriel...he'd chosen to travel by Angel Air. It was things like that, moments when Gabriel would use up his energy in ways that were completely unnecessary, that set him apart from Castiel completely. And it was the reason that Gabriel was struggling so much more noticeably. Sam hadn't really realized how often Gabriel snapped until they day it stopped working. They'd be successful some of the time, most of the time, really. But once in a while, nothing would happen. Nothing at all. And it would be a painful kick, a reminder that Gabriel was on a ticking clock that was spiraling downward.
"Sam, seriously." Dean's eyes opened, pleading silently, and Sam realized that Cas was looking at him too. He sighed and looked down at the screen. He'd ended up on the same page time and time again, a page he'd memorized completely. It was something that he knew could be of no help. He was fully aware of this fact. Just like the page that had come before it, and surely the one that would come after. Sam felt a wave of guilt tug at his heart as he switched off the power, snapping the laptop closed with a click that seemed loud and sinister, an echo in the quiet room.
Cas rose off of Sam's bed, pulling off his jacket before sliding in next to Dean. Sam wondered what Dean was thinking, how he must be feeling. Cas never left them anymore. Not like he used to. He used to disappear for days at a time, weeks on occasion. But not now. Now, he just stayed. He'd be there when they'd fall asleep, there when they'd wake up in the morning, and there for all the times in between. Sometimes, Sam wished Gabriel would be with them like that. But then he'd look at Cas, visibly weaker than the day before, and he'd remember all the reasons why he wasn't. Dean had to watch it happen, witness every second of his best friend's downfall.
Sam felt sick as he closed his eyes, willing sleep to come for him soon. His thoughts were poisonous at best, leading him to places far too dark. Eventually, he drifted, and his dreams were no reprieve from the stress.
"No dad! You can't!" Sam ran fast and hard, his five year old body straining as his feet hit the ground. He cried out as two strong arms wrapped around him, scooping him up in one swift motion.
"Calm down, Sam. Please, your father needs to do this!" Bobby's eyes were soft and sad, but his face was set in solid stone. Dean was standing across the yard, arms crossed over his chest. His face was a perfect mimic of Bobby's, and Sam always wondered why Dean sometimes resembled him more than their own parents.
"No, no, no! I won't let him!" Sam thrashed in Bobby's grasp, pounding at his chest and kicking at his legs. Bobby held strong, tightening his grip with each blow. Sam finally gave up, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle.
He turned his face, watching John lead their dog to the back yard. Dean's face had fallen now, strength failing him as Sam sobbed, hiding his face against Bobby's neck. They'd all known it was coming, eventually. The dog had already been old by the time Sam was born, and he'd gotten diseased soon after. He'd grown weak, fur patching and dulling. And eventually, his skin became too soft, too weak, and that too had started falling away in grotesque chunks. Sam had convinced himself that he'd get better. He only had a cold!
But Dean knew better than that. He knew the dog was infected, literally falling apart as the days wore on, and he didn't fight his father when he made the decision to end it.
The gunshot was loud, much too loud. Sam had heard the sound before. Heard his dad take care of monsters, but that was a different sound. That was a triumphant sound, ringing out in the night, a sign of victory, of a job well done. This was a sad sound, dark and sinister during the bright daylight hours of the summer, and Sam sobbed for minutes, maybe an hour, clinging to Bobby's shirt.
"It had to be done, son." Bobby's voice was low in his ear. "He was sick. He was weak and unhappy." Sam tried to nod. "Everything is much better now."
The morning went by slowly, dragging out endlessly. Dean took way too long in the shower, and Sam watched Castiel dig through Dean's duffel bag, sorting clothes into piles, folding and unfolding each piece. It seemed to happen a lot lately, at random times. Some moments would stretch on forever, an endless expanse of empty time. Sam was troubled, his mind fumbling over the dream, which was really more of a perfect memory. He hadn't thought about in years. Dean finally emerged from the bathroom, cloud of steam trailing close behind, and Castiel offered him a pile of clothes. He dressed in silence, and Sam rolled out of bed, hoping there'd be some hot water left.
Luckily, there was, and Sam sighed against the pressure, letting the water hit him hot and hard, washing away the dream, and the connections his mind had made between it and... everything. It wasn't long before he heard the bathroom door open and shut, a quiet click under the rush of water. He didn't bother looking, didn't really care enough. But the shower curtain moved only seconds after, one hand reaching in to pull it open slightly. Sam turned, eyes locking with Gabriel's, and he felt a warmth immediately.
"Hey." Gabriel's voice was loud and steady, a thrumming echo against the bathroom tiles. He sat on the edge of the tub, curtain open just enough to keep space open between them. Sam studied him, looking for a sign that he was weaker, sicker, but nothing was wrong. He was the same man he'd always been, if only just a little more quiet and thoughtful. Gabriel was watching him, eyes wandering up and down Sam's naked body, across his chest, down his stomach, over his legs. Sam didn't mind, not so much.
"Missed you." He admitted quietly, bringing Gabriel's focus back up to his face immediately. Gabriel smirked, playful and devious, reaching one arm back to wrap around Sam's leg.
"Missed me, huh?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Sam had to laugh. It was good to see him, to hear him, and yeah...the contact was pretty nice too.
"That's not what I meant, you know it." He grinned down at him, feeling a text book of emotions course through him. Gabriel nodded. He did know. The sex was good. Mind blowing, actually. But it couldn't compare to the relationship they'd built. At first, Sam wasn't sure what they were. He knew they were friends who maybe flirted a little too much. And then Sam had started really coming onto him, mostly when he was too drunk or horny to really think it through. But then they'd started making plans to meet up, wandering aimlessly while they talked about anything and everything. It was after that when they started getting more serious. Their quick kisses and teasing touches had turned into long passionate moments, making out in the Impala, exploring each other in bed. The sex had happened almost naturally. Sam hadn't been very nervous the first time, because it just felt sort of...right. And it was. It was good. It was perfect. But it wasn't until after all of that, all those moments and milestones, that Sam realized how he really felt about Gabriel. He knew now. But, he still hadn't said the words out loud.
"Get in here." He said quickly, words surprising even himself. He hadn't planned on asking. In fact, he'd been thinking about getting out of the shower quite soon. But Gabriel was here, finally here, and he couldn't wait to put his hands on him. He couldn't risk losing him for another few days without touching him, holding him. Sam was relieved when Gabriel obliged easily, pulling his clothes off. Sam was glad that he wasn't trying to use his power to snap the clothes away. Through their entire relationship, not once had Sam ever seen Gabriel actually pull his clothes off. And now, it was sort of a beautiful sight.
Sam pulled the curtain closed behind Gabriel, wrapping one arm around his waist at the same time. Sam liked the way that Gabriel had to stretch up on his toes to kiss him. He wasn't sure why it always warmed his heart, like it was now. Gabriel was leaning against him, solid and heavy, anything but weak. He looked good, he tasted good, and God, he felt good. But he was quiet, still so quiet, and Sam knew that his mind was miles away, thick with trouble and pain. The kiss lasted longer than the hot water.
Time sped up a little after that. The day went on at a normal pace, nothing much happening out of the ordinary. Gabriel had stayed after the shower, and Sam appreciated the snarky banter between him and Dean. Sam should have known that walking out of the bathroom with Gabriel, both wet and smiling, would spark some sort of fight. But no, it wasn't a fight. Not so much. It was more like spiteful words laced with caring tones. Sam liked that. He didn't know if Dean really had warmed up to Gabriel, but it was clear that he was at least making an effort that was completely valid. And that meant a lot to Sam. To Gabriel, too.
Castiel had sat with Sam at the small table near the back of the room, asking him about his research. Sam told Cas everything he knew, detailing every fact he'd found, but he knew that if there was any real way to stop this, to fix it...Cas would already know.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to borrow your friend here, little bro." Gabriel slid a chair up, straddling it backwards as he addressed Castiel. Cas tilted his head, always lost by Gabriel's words. But, bless his heart, he was good with instructions, and immediately crossed the room when Dean called him over.
"So, I've been thinking...." Gabriel looked upward, eyes on the ceiling as he rubbed at his chin. Sam groaned. Those words never meant anything good. Well, there was that one time with the whipped cream, but that was probably a fluke. "I think we should spend more time together." Gabriel dropped his gaze, meeting Sam's. Sam licked his lips, feeling like Gabriel could see right through him.
"Well you always know where I am, Babe." Sam didn't notice his slip up until he heard Dean chuckling across the room. "Gabe." He corrected, loud enough for Dean to hear.
Gabriel leaned forward, into Sam's space, keeping his voice low. "You meant 'Babe', Sammy. Don't play coy." He smirked.
Sam looked up at Dean, who was completely enthralled by Cas again. "Not in front of Dean, I didn't." It was true. He really didn't like being vulnerable and...boyfriend-y when Dean was around. It was nervewracking at the best of times.
"Well maybe we should get out of here, and not be around Dean for a while, Babe." Gabriel had leaned in even closer, fingers brushing the back of Sam's hand on top of the table. Sam sighed, wanting more than anything to agree with him. But there was nowhere to go, nothing to do.
"Hey, Sammy?" It was Dean, looking over his shoulder as Cas waited quietly by his side. "Me and Cas, we're gonna go out for a bit."
Sam tensed, wondering if somehow they'd overheard their whispered conversation. Gabriel traced a pattern over the back of Sam's hand, wrapping his fingers around his palm, squeezing tightly. Suddenly, it didn't really seem to matter so much.
"Yeah, okay." Sam nodded. "Call if you need anything." Sam had already lost interest in Dean, turning his attention instead toward Gabriel, who's fingers were stroking at Sam's wrist. Sam thought he heard Dean laugh as they left the room, door closing behind them with a loud, metallic click. The space seemed very different without the two of them there. Empty and vast, much quieter. It'd been a couple weeks since he and Gabriel had any real time alone. Sam wished he knew how long they'd have.
"Well..." He flipped his hand on the table, palm up, letting Gabriel trace the lines on his skin. "We're alone." Sam looked up, locking his eyes on Gabriel's, who's face was twisting into a slow, lazy grin.
"How ever will we pass the time?" Gabriel's voice had dropped, low and throaty, and Sam felt himself harden immediately. Gabriel moved from the chair, sliding onto Sam's lap quickly and easily, eyes darkening once he felt that Sam was already hard. Part of Sam didn't really want this. He sort of just wanted to lay in bed and talk, just be close, for once. He felt his breath hitch as Gabriel bent to suck at his neck. But, then again, that could always come after.
Sam liked the way he could pick Gabriel up and carry him to the bed. He liked the way he could cover his entire body with own. He liked feeling like he could take care of him. And he did. Sam took care of Gabriel's wants and needs, which had a range that was almost hilarious. He'd want a milkshake, Sam would get him one. He'd need a friend, Sam would be one.
Right now though, what Gabriel wanted was quick, dirty sex. And Sam gave it to him.
Dean and Cas ended up spending most of the day out, and Sam had gotten that long, lazy moment in bed that he'd been hoping for. He found himself craving those moments more than anything lately. It wasn't that he didn't like the sex. He loved it, and assumed it would probably never get boring, not with a guy like Gabriel. It was just that, during sex, Gabriel would be arrogant and playful, teasing and pompous. He'd be...the Trickster. But, when they'd lay in bed together afterward, tangled up in each other, cuddling under the warm blankets, that's when Sam got the real Gabriel. He'd be so kind and gentle and warm and thoughtful, a perfect boyfriend by all means.
Sam hoped desperately that that would be exactly what he'd be left with if Gabriel did lose all of his grace. He prayed to no one in particular that his eyes would still be vivid, that his smirk would still be wicked, that his mind would be sharp and cunning. It bothered Sam that he had no idea how long it would take to happen completely. And it bothered him even more that he had no clue who his boyfriend would really be without the snapping and pranking and quick getaways.
Sam's thoughts were stilled as he trained his focus on Gabriel, who was laying against his chest, eyes closed, hair tangled, skin fevered. He was breathing deeply, one hand spread against Sam's skin, the other lost under the blanket. And Sam realized then, that this wasn't a moment to deal with the what if's of the future. It was a moment to cherish. Right here, right now, just the two of them.
Sam was startled awake by the sound of the door closing. He opened his eyes slowly, seeing nothing but blurred shapes and lights for a moment, until his sight fell on Dean, who was stripping his jacket off by the door. He let his eyes fall shut immediately, feeling guilt wash over him as he realized that Gabriel was still laying on top of him under the blanket, just as naked as Sam was, and there was no way Dean was about to overlook that. Sam kept his eyes closed as he heard Dean pull off his boots. He felt Gabriel stir against him, brace himself to move. Sam bit at the inside of his lip, wishing more than anything that Gabriel could stay. Just once. He felt Gabriel's hand slide off his chest, his body slip away from his side, inch by inch, and he swallowed the urge to beg him to stay. But, he didn't have to. Because Dean was talking now, low and quiet from across the room.
"Stay with him." Three words. Three simple words, and it made Sam's heart pound. He cracked his eyes open slightly, looking at Gabriel through his eyelashes. Gabriel was staring at Dean, intense and approving, as he smiled and nodded. Sam risked a glance at his brother, who was looking right at him now. He didn't need to say a word to let him know how thankful he was right now, because Dean knew. He nodded at Sam, pulling back his blankets as he climbed into the bed. Sam felt Gabriel settle back down against him, and he racked through his memories, trying to think of any moment in his life that matched the perfect calm of this one.
There were none.
Sam could only wish that the following morning would be as relaxed, but of course...it was not. Dean was awake early, which happened rarely, and in a great mood, which was almost unheard of these days. Normally, Sam would assume he'd hooked up with some chick police officer in the back of a squad car, probably something quick and dirty, and of course, he'd forget her name by morning. But he knew that there was only one name left on his lips now, and Sam was pretty damn positive that hadn't happened last night either.
Dean didn't explain himself, and Sam didn't ask. He had a feeling that whatever was making Dean happy was something for only Dean to enjoy. For now, at least. But, the rarity of the awesome mood entitled pancakes, and Dean stated as much as he kicked at Sam's bed, annoying him to no end as he tried to appreciate the fact that he'd just officially spent the night with Gabriel for the first time ever.
Sam groaned in protest, grinning slightly despite the annoyance. Gabriel rolled off of him, taking half the blankets with him, and Sam fumbled his hands over the bed, trying to pull some of it back over his body.
"Sam, seriously, dude!" Dean was fully dressed, boots and all, standing by the door with his hands out at his sides. "Pancakes!" He almost shouted the word, and Gabriel jolted in the bed next to Sam, sitting up suddenly.
"With syrup?" His voice was hopeful, and Sam was sure he was going to die of laughter as he pulled on his clothes.
Cas met them at the diner, sliding into the booth next to Dean. He seemed well. Stronger and happier than Sam had seen him in a long time. He was sitting straight, instead of slumped. His tie was resting perfectly against his neck, instead of falling into a loose tangle halfway down his chest, and Sam raised one eyebrow at Dean as he inwardly reassessed his opinions of what exactly they did do last night. But, it wasn't his business, and it's not like Sam could say anything about any of it, because he himself was in exactly the same boat.
Dean watched with wide eyes as Gabriel drowned his pancakes in syrup, emptying the glass jar onto his plate. Sam didn't give it a second glance. He'd known that Gabriel wasn't joking when he'd threatened to use the whole syrup supply on their way there. He sometimes wondered if his sugar addiction was causing any damage to his vessel, but usually, that thought would be wiped away with a sweet and sticky kiss. Gabriel never failed with that.
Dean groaned as Sam smirked against Gabriel's lips, tasting sticky sugar on his mouth. He rarely let Gabriel kiss him in front of Dean, but today, Dean's smile was unwavering, and Sam had the feeling that he could get away with it just once.
"So where did you guys go yesterday?" Sam broke the silence as he cut into his pancakes, feeling his leg pressed warmly against Gabriel's under the table.
"Uh, we just went to look around the town." Dean dropped his eyes from Sam's as he answered.
"You were gone, like...all day." Sam's hands stilled as he studied Dean's face, seeing a blush creep up his neck.
"Sam, I believe your pancakes are going to get cold if you do not eat them very soon." Castiel's voice was very serious, and once again, Sam was afraid that his own laughter would be the death of him. At least this time, Dean was laughing with him.
Dean's mood finally dimmed after a few more hours, diminishing into a blank nothing as he focused on the road from behind the wheel of the Impala. Sam was in the passenger seat, leaning against the window as he tried to keep his thoughts off of Gabriel, who had left with Cas. He realized that this was the first time in a month, maybe more, that he and Dean were completely alone. It was odd in comparison to the way their life had been before their discovery of angels, when they'd spent every moment together, with no one but each other to talk to. And now that they had the time, the space, to really talk, neither of them were. Sam watched the trees blur by as he traced his fingers over the map that was laying open in his lap. It felt almost out of place, like it hadn't been a permanent fixture in his life for five years straight. A lot of things were seeming almost redundant and unimportant now, even after living by them religiously for so long. It wasn't that he'd lost interest in hunting. Or faith in his relationship with Dean. In fact, he felt closer to Dean now than he had in months. He wasn't sure if Dean felt the same, but he could only hope.
"Will you tell me now?" He fought back the urge to punch himself for asking again, realizing that the words had slipped out of his mouth without getting his conscious permission to do so. Dean sighed heavily, not taking his eyes off the road for even a second. Sam didn't push the question at all, letting it stay between them, burning and unanswered for at least five minutes. He'd almost forgotten he'd asked it when Dean turned down the music, finally throwing him a glance.
"We just... uh..." He bit his lip softly, and Sam wanted to tell him he didn't really need to explain. "We just spent some time together, that's all." His eyes were dark and serious, but a smile was tugging at his lips, and Sam's heart held onto that as a sign of good things to come.
"You... spent some time together." He rolled Dean's words back to him, feeling his own smile crack across his face as Dean's brightened just slightly, almost unnoticeably.
"Yeah, Sam. Don't tell me I need to explain that to you." Dean rolled his eyes, but his smile took over the expression, warming Sam's heart enough to be satisfied with the vague information. He knew all he had to know. And he was happy. Really happy.
Until he remembered that they weren't driving off into the sunset to live out their awesome lives happily ever after. The Tale of Two Winchesters was unlikely to ever have a flawless ending. But Sam made a promise to himself, then and there, that he'd damn well try to provide it for Gabriel.
Sam tossed in his bed, unable to dim his thoughts as he tried to fall asleep. His mind was conflicted with what was really going on with Gabriel. He kept having thoughts as if he was dying, as if he'd never see him again. And that simply was far from the truth. But, Sam had no clue who's body Gabriel was in, or even where or when he'd gotten it. He had no idea how much of what Gabriel said was really him, or how much of the personality Sam had come to... admire was going to be left after this whole thing finally boiled down. And that was the death of Gabriel, in all senses but one, and Sam missed him terribly as he fisted his hands in the cold sheets, squeezing his eyes shut as he thought about Gabriel's lips, warm and soft against his, stealing all thoughts from his mind as drifted to sleep.
He stayed in bed for a long time the next morning. They had their room for three days, and Sam wasn't really in the mood to get out of bed when he didn't have to. He listened to the shower run as Castiel shuffled through the newspaper, legs crossed under him on Dean's bed. They spoke quietly for a while, mostly about Dean, and Sam apologized to Cas as he woke up for a second time, realized he'd drifted back into sleep in the middle of their conversation.
His cell phone vibrated on the bedside table, and he grabbed for it clumsily, knocking his watch to the floor as his fingers wrapped around it. He flipped it open without looking at the screen, too tired to open his eyes. He listened to Gabriel's voice flood his mind, hanging onto it as he heard Dean come out of the bathroom, starting a conversation with Cas. They sounded very distant, like they were in a whole different room, and Sam was happy to lay in bed, not seeing anything but Gabriel's face in the back of his mind as his voice washed through him.
He didn't take long to get fully awake after that.
"Where you going?" Dean was sitting on his bed next to Cas. Their shoulders were pressed tightly together, and their fingers were crossing just slightly on Dean's leg. Sam smiled at the small contact, realizing it was probably the grandest gesture he'd ever witnessed between them.
"I'm, um..." Sam had been so worked up over going out, he'd forgotten to even ask Dean about the car. "I'm taking the car?" He added a hopeful note to the end of his question, shrugging his shoulders as Dean studied him.
"Yeah, okay." Dean leaned into Cas slowly, a tiny movement, and Sam wasn't completely sure that he hadn't just imagined it. "Keys are in my pocket." Dean gestured toward his jacket, which was hanging off the back of a blue wooden chair. Sam thanked him quickly, fishing the keys out with ease before slipping out the door. He sighed as he slid himself behind the wheel of the Impala, starting it up with a loud roar. He shivered slightly in the chilled air as he backed out of the parking lot, and it wasn't until he straightened the car out on the highway that he realized he forgot his watch. The motel was still prominent in the rearview mirror, so he turned around, leaving the car on as he neared the door of their room. He stopped in his tracks as he caught motion out of the corner of his eye. The curtains of their window were parted in the middle, and Sam leaned back a step, seeing Dean pull off his shirt before lowering himself onto Castiel, who was tangling his fingers through Dean's hair, kissing him hard and passionate. Sam turned away quickly, swallowing a smile. The watch wasn't that important.
Gabriel met him exactly where he said he would, and Sam was sort of disappointed that it was such a public place. It was a coffee shop, just off the highway, and after Sam had to drink half a bottle of water to rid the taste of the pure sugar they called donuts, it was clear why Gabriel suggested it.
"I missed you last night." Sam said the words easily, remembering how nervous he'd been to admit that to Gabriel the first time, months ago.
"I missed you too, Sammy." Gabriel smirked, and Sam wondered what he was thinking. He didn't ask. "I thought about you all night." His voice lowered, and Sam felt his face flush as his mind associated the tone with the way Gabriel talked to him during sex, saying things that archangels probably weren't expected to say.
"You did?" Sam prodded for more as he leaned across the table just slightly, feeling their legs brush together under it.
"You bet I did." Gabriel's eyes were dark, voice rough, and Sam's breath caught in his throat as he took a chance.
"Tell me what you thought about." He demanded it, flat and honest, needed to know what sort of thoughts his angel spent the night with. Gabriel just smiled, far from innocent, as he pushed away from the table, heading for the door. Sam followed quickly, feeling a brief twinge of guilt as he left his empty water bottle and donut wrapper on the table. But it didn't last long, because Gabriel was already in the Impala, telling Sam where to drive it as he slid into the Driver's seat, fumbling with the keys as Gabriel's hand ran up his thigh.
They drove for three minutes exactly, finding an old boarded up school with back lot parking, and Gabriel wasn't wasting any time to pull him into the back seat. Sam didn't resist. He let Gabriel grab at his shirt and drag him over the seat, which should have been an awkward feat for someone his size. But, it happened quickly, easily, and Sam fell onto Gabriel immediately, pressing their lips together in a kiss that was desperate and needy and laced with the taste of chocolate sprinkles. Gabriel's hands pushed at the hem of Sam's shirt, sliding it up his body. Sam felt his hands trail over his back, warm and soft, grabbing at him. He pressed down against Gabriel, grinding against him as Gabriel pulled him down, moving his hands to the back of his neck.
Sam let out a gasp of surprise as Gabriel flipped them, accomplishing the task that was impossible to most people in one easy movement. Sam didn't spend much time thinking about it though, Because Gabriel was straddling his waist, leaning down to lick and bite at his chest as he pushed his shirt out of the way. Sam arched his back as Gabriel bit into him. It hurt in all the right ways, and Sam was instantly rock hard under him, thrusting up against him for the much needed friction.
Gabriel raised his hands to his pants, popping them open quickly, easily, and Sam didn't waste time on his own. It was only seconds before they both had their pants down, catching on their shoes as Gabriel writhed on top of Sam, stroking his hard cock with one hand as he braced the other on the back of the seat. Sam moaned against Gabriel's neck, feeling the angel's grip tighten on him. He pushed at him, forcing his weight off of him so he could sit up. He turned and leaned against the back of the seat, feet on the floor as he dragged Gabriel into his lap. Time slowed for a moment as Gabriel tore one hand away from Sam's skin, and Sam let his eyes follow it, watching as he bought his thumb and finger together.
"No!" Sam grabbed at his hand, stopping the snap, and Gabriel looked at him incredulously for a moment. "You...you can't. Please." Sam spread Gabriel's fingers apart, flattening their palms against each other in mid-air.
"Sam, you know that we need -- "
"Yeah, Baby, I know." Sam let his head drop forward, resting on Gabriel's shoulder. "But you can't do that. Not when it isn't completely necessary." He closed his eyes, breathing in Gabriel's warmth as he kissed his neck softly.
"I'm pretty sure that this is necessary!" Gabriel tilted his head, giving Sam more skin to cherish. Sam laughed softly against his pulse, sighing loudly as he pulled away, looking at Gabriel's face.
"It can wait. Wait until we get some time alone in the motel." Sam tried to sound reassuring, tried to promise Gabriel that the time would come. But really, the words were as much to convince himself as anything else. Because Gabriel was perfect, and funny, and caring....and so goddamn sexy and naked on his lap. And Sam was pretty damn sure that the need to get more of that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.
He'd almost forgotten the impromptu brother/angel porn he'd nearly witnessed, until he pulled the car back into the lot of the motel, with a sexually frustrated archangel in the passenger seat. He stopped and wondered briefly if it was safe to go in yet, wanting more than anything not to walk in on that. The cold air finally made up his mind, and he made a point to fumble with the doorknob for a few seconds before pushing it open.
Luckily, the room ended up being filled with four fully dressed, safely spaced men, and Sam tried desperately to clear his mind of the fact the he wanted to be very naked, and very close to Gabriel right now. Sex was rarely his top priority lately. He'd taken a habit of favoring conversation and lazy kisses over fucking and sucking, but whatever was causing that mood lately had obviously snapped, because all Sam could think about was dropping his knees in front of Gabriel, tugging at his pants, licking at--
"Where did you go?" Dean cut Sam's thoughts harshly, and Sam almost resented him for stealing his awesome fantasies away. But, then again, it was probably best that he didn't think thought that would inevitably end up with him making awkward noises.
"Breakfast." Sam's simple answer had come out sounding a little venomous, as if he hated Dean's very existence. And at that moment, he maybe sort of did. And of course, that's likely why Dean and Cas stayed around for the rest of the goddamn day.
Castiel was sort of blank, a little cold, taking a moment too long to respond to things that were said to him, and Sam's heart ached as Dean's face fell more and more each time it happened. Sam hoped that Castiel wouldn't change. Hoped for Dean. For all of them, really. Because Castiel couldn't afford to change. Sam had known that Dean had fallen in love with Cas long before Dean even knew it. He knew that Dean loved everything about who his angel was, and who he thought he always would be.
And that was when Sam remembered why the sex had seemed so much less important over the last few weeks. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when the need for it vanished completely from his body and mind.
The next few moments passed in a blur; quick words, stilted movements, bumping and brushing and awkwardly avoiding. And then, they were gone. Dean and Cas. Just... gone. There was something going on lately, some unspoken rule. When they had the opportunity to spend moments alone with their angels respectively... well, they took it.
"Come on, Sammy. No excuses now." Gabriel was pushing, pulling, pressing him down to the bed. "Fuck me."
Sam took a sharp breath in as Gabriel bit at his lip, trailing rough kisses over his jaw, down his throat. His hands were warm and strong on his skin. "That's what you want, Gabe?" Sam growled the words out, low and rough.
"Always... always what I... I want..." Gabriel's were stuttered and broken as his mouth worked over Sam's skin.
Sam threw his head back as Gabriel crawled over him. Flirty, needy and so fucking hot.
Apparently, when your boyfriend is Gabriel... the desire is never really gone.
Sam didn't remember falling asleep. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure that he remembered coming. It had been hot and dizzying and frantic and hard. He had a bite mark on his hip, deep and red throbbing. And he was pretty sure he had ripped his shirt.
"Call me Mister Flintstone," Gabriel's voice was rough and broken beside him, chuckling softly in a way that brought Sam's focus back to here and now. Gabriel was curled against him, hand pressed to Sam's chest; warm and solid and soft. His hair was tangled and dampened over his skin... a sign of a job well done.
Sam smirked as he pulled Gabriel in closer, sure that the moment was perfect, would be perfect.
But no.
"What's wrong?" Sam tried not to jump to conclusions as Gabriel winced, an expression resembling pain tainting his features.
"Nothing, Sammy," He said the words to Sam's neck.
"Gabe... don't." Occasionally, once in a while, Gabriel would lie to him. Stretch the truth, or hide something important. Sam really wasn't okay with this.
"Gabriel." Sam ran his fingers through Gabriel's hair, studying his face as he waited for an answer.
Gabriel didn't need to say it.
Because... Sam saw it.
"Jesus Chris, what ha -- " Sam's hand stilled over Gabriel's skin, bruised and scratched and broken. What happened? Sam happened.
"Hey, Sammy, don't worry about it!" Gabriel's face twisted into something that screamed 'Trickster'. "You get banged up all the time, and this is no worse than that."
It was true. But it was wrong.
Gabriel had never been hurt like this before. He'd never had to deal with his bruises or wait for his cuts to heal. Sam was conditioned for it. Sam was a hunter. Gabriel was a stranger to it. Gabriel... was breaking.
The morning came too quick, too bright. Dean and Cas had stayed out all night. Sam didn't know where. He didn't really care. He knew that he shouldn't feel as awful as he did, so guilty and hurtful, so goddamn monstrous. They were bruises and scratches. Sex scratches, and nothing more. They were minor, ignorable, and if they'd been on Sam's body, they may have even gone unnoticed. But he couldn't stomach it. Because they were a constant reminder that Gabriel wasn't Gabriel. He wasn't the powerful being he used to be. He was fragile and weakening. And now... now Sam had to stare that right in the face.
And when Dean's eyes fell on Gabriel's arm after he and Cas got back, well... he didn't ask. And Sam was glad.
"Stop. Worrying." Gabriel separated the words, accenting each with a sharp bite that was obviously intended as a warning. He was laying across the back seat of the Impala, head resting in Sam's lap. Under normal circumstances, Sam wouldn't have allowed it. Dean knowing they were together, and seeing them together were two very different things. But, this was different. Because Gabriel... Gabriel's body ached.
"Can't" Sam ran his hand over Gabriel's chest, light and soft and testing. He knew there were bruises under his shirt.
"Sam." Gabriel drew his name out, and Sam knew it was the final straw.
"Okay." Sam said the word without conviction. There was no one who'd believe him anyway.
Gabriel's bruises faded eventually, as all bruises tended to go. Sam still wouldn't admit to an overreaction because it wasn't, not by any means. He'd known Gabriel would be fine. His skin would heal, as all skin did. But it wasn't about that.
And Dean knew it.
And when Sam came in from the diner one night, worn and tired and aching for sleep, he finally saw the sight that gave this it's purpose.
Dean was in bed, with Castiel... which wasn't so odd on it's own. They did sleep together, they always slept together. They'd been sharing a bed for months. But never before had it been like this, with Castiel resting against Dean's chest, smiling and laughing softly at whatever it was that Dean was saying. And never before had they stayed that way when Sam came in. They just... stayed. Unashamed and sure of themselves.
For the first time ever.
"I think it's gonna be okay, Sammy." Dean was grinning in a way that was soft and sure as he turned to look at Sam.
Sam nodded, unconvinced. They wouldn't be okay. How could they be okay?
"Go to bed, Sam." Dean yawned around his words as he pulled Castiel tighter against him, a sight that Sam had only ever seen in his mind. He was tired. He couldn't argue.
And when he finally looked over at his bed, complete with Gabriel, spread out under the covers... he didn't even want to.
Because Sam knew... Sam was sure... that they really were going to be okay.
He knew that something was about to change in a big way the moment he slid under the covers. Gabriel rolled against him, wrapping his arms around his waist. And Sam was sure that nothing had ever felt as perfect. They fit together in a way that Sam hadn't really noticed before. Or, if he had, he hadn't acknowledged it. At least not out loud, not to Gabriel. And maybe... maybe this was the time.
Sam cleared his throat as he locked his eyes on Gabriel's. Because, Sam?
He had something to say.
-End-
Author:casiedearestfic
Pairing: Sam/Gabriel (& Dean/Castiel)
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: h/c, some bruising
Words: 8000
Summary: Weak vessels and strong relationships.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the boys. All characters belong to respective copyrights.
Notes: It rained today. A lot. And hey look, I wrote TFWfic again! I knocked out a Sam/Gabe and a Dean/Cas all at once! \0/ (Also, I invented a childhood dog for the Winchesters.) Written for the 'bruises' square on my hc_bingo card.
Cas had been weakening for quite some time now. Day by day, his power had dulled, and his body had acquired more aches and pains. Sam was almost confused by the whole process, not understanding how exactly it worked. But, if he was completely honest with himself, if wasn't that he couldn't understand. It was just that he couldn't bring himself to think about it. He could do nothing but sit and watch as Dean fumbled to put Cas back together, to be there for him, to help him whenever possible. It wasn't until just recently that Sam really threw himself into the situation, researching, asking, studying, anything. It wasn't because Dean couldn't take care of Castiel by himself. It wasn't about Cas at all, really. It was about something else.
Someone else.
Gabriel had kept quiet about it for a length of time that Sam wasn't quite sure of. Hadn't mentioned it at all. How typical. Sam was angry with himself for a while, hating the fact that he didn't know, couldn't tell that something was wrong. But this wasn't about Sam, not now, it couldn't be. Not when Gabriel was growing weaker by the day.
"Take a break, Sam." Dean's voice was tired and rough. He was sitting on the bed across the room, tacky argyle wallpaper behind him. The lights were dull, a sick yellow glow, and Sam hated the way it all reminded him of illness, of disease, of just...being unwell.
"I can't, Dean." Sam's fingers flew furiously across the laptop keyboard, entering words and phrases into search engines. He wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for anymore, he'd exhausted most of his ideas days ago. But he couldn't stop. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, because he'd find himself sitting right back in the same spot, typing out the same things he'd done all day, and the day before that, and before that.
Dean just shrugged, keeping his eyes on the dusty television screen. Cas was sitting on Sam's bed, looking at nothing in particular. His gaze was distant, like he was focusing more on the air than the objects around him. He wasn't broken, not completely. He wasn't dying, he was just sort of... fading. He wasn't quite himself. He wasn't curious or passionate, not the way he used to be. He spoke with less command, less reverence, and it hurt Sam to imagine Gabriel ending up the same way.
Sometimes, he hated the fact that Dean and Cas had too much pride to really be together. They'd always sit on separate beds, keep their hands to themselves, keep their conversations basic. But at the same time, they'd share little moments, things that said it all. Dean would help Cas with his tie, offer to share a drink. Cas would tend to Dean's wounds, and fold his clothes when they'd fall to the floor. Sam had no idea what they were like when they were alone. He was fairly sure that they were sleeping together, and he knew that Dean had stopped looking at the flirty waitresses who'd bring him free drinks. And somehow, he was also pretty sure he knew that Dean was aching to hold Cas right now.
But that wouldn't happen. Not today, not tomorrow, because Dean was Dean. And he wouldn't expose that side of himself, not in front of Sam, certainly not in front in Gabriel. Gabriel. Sam felt a dull ache swoop through his chest as he imagined the archangel, radiance gone, energy diminished. Cold and broken, empty.
Dean looked up when he heard the click-clack of the keyboard grow louder, quicker, angry almost. Sam's face was hard and determined, and Dean knew he wasn't going to give up, not any time soon. They both knew, they all knew, that the internet didn't have the answer. No wiki page was ever going to give Sam the power to save Gabriel or Cas, but it was what he needed to do. It was all that he could do, and Sam had to take the option. There was no way he could just sit and watch both angels break right in front of him, because one crack could be the downfall of them all.
Castiel's weakness put a taint on Dean, and Dean's suffering stabbed a blade through Sam. Sam's pain bit at Gabriel, and then Castiel would have to watch his brother fall apart, piece by piece. They were a team, a full circle, the closest thing to a family that any of them had had in a really long time. And Sam wouldn't let that go, not for anything.
The sky outside the window was a deep black velvet, and Sam guessed it was probably a little after one in the morning. Dean was slumping lower in his bed, eyes blinking for just a little too long. Castiel was silent, still focusing on things in his head, rather than in the room. Sam had no idea where Gabriel was, but he wished that he did. He thought about going out into the parking lot, calling for him, but no. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Because Gabriel couldn't be using his powers when he didn't need to.
Gabriel was still quite strong, far better off than Castiel. But it was sort of hard to compare the two. Cas had rarely used his power and energy for things that weren't extremely important, like healing or transporting. The lack of full energy effected him less for that reason. Gabriel, though, was different. Dean had once called him a power whore, and Sam couldn't deny that there was some truth to that. Gabriel liked his abilities, maybe a little too much. When they had to poke around on the thirteenth floor of an office building last month, they'd all arrived there at different times. Dean and Cas took the elevator, Sam took the stairs, and Gabriel...he'd chosen to travel by Angel Air. It was things like that, moments when Gabriel would use up his energy in ways that were completely unnecessary, that set him apart from Castiel completely. And it was the reason that Gabriel was struggling so much more noticeably. Sam hadn't really realized how often Gabriel snapped until they day it stopped working. They'd be successful some of the time, most of the time, really. But once in a while, nothing would happen. Nothing at all. And it would be a painful kick, a reminder that Gabriel was on a ticking clock that was spiraling downward.
"Sam, seriously." Dean's eyes opened, pleading silently, and Sam realized that Cas was looking at him too. He sighed and looked down at the screen. He'd ended up on the same page time and time again, a page he'd memorized completely. It was something that he knew could be of no help. He was fully aware of this fact. Just like the page that had come before it, and surely the one that would come after. Sam felt a wave of guilt tug at his heart as he switched off the power, snapping the laptop closed with a click that seemed loud and sinister, an echo in the quiet room.
Cas rose off of Sam's bed, pulling off his jacket before sliding in next to Dean. Sam wondered what Dean was thinking, how he must be feeling. Cas never left them anymore. Not like he used to. He used to disappear for days at a time, weeks on occasion. But not now. Now, he just stayed. He'd be there when they'd fall asleep, there when they'd wake up in the morning, and there for all the times in between. Sometimes, Sam wished Gabriel would be with them like that. But then he'd look at Cas, visibly weaker than the day before, and he'd remember all the reasons why he wasn't. Dean had to watch it happen, witness every second of his best friend's downfall.
Sam felt sick as he closed his eyes, willing sleep to come for him soon. His thoughts were poisonous at best, leading him to places far too dark. Eventually, he drifted, and his dreams were no reprieve from the stress.
"No dad! You can't!" Sam ran fast and hard, his five year old body straining as his feet hit the ground. He cried out as two strong arms wrapped around him, scooping him up in one swift motion.
"Calm down, Sam. Please, your father needs to do this!" Bobby's eyes were soft and sad, but his face was set in solid stone. Dean was standing across the yard, arms crossed over his chest. His face was a perfect mimic of Bobby's, and Sam always wondered why Dean sometimes resembled him more than their own parents.
"No, no, no! I won't let him!" Sam thrashed in Bobby's grasp, pounding at his chest and kicking at his legs. Bobby held strong, tightening his grip with each blow. Sam finally gave up, knowing that he was fighting a losing battle.
He turned his face, watching John lead their dog to the back yard. Dean's face had fallen now, strength failing him as Sam sobbed, hiding his face against Bobby's neck. They'd all known it was coming, eventually. The dog had already been old by the time Sam was born, and he'd gotten diseased soon after. He'd grown weak, fur patching and dulling. And eventually, his skin became too soft, too weak, and that too had started falling away in grotesque chunks. Sam had convinced himself that he'd get better. He only had a cold!
But Dean knew better than that. He knew the dog was infected, literally falling apart as the days wore on, and he didn't fight his father when he made the decision to end it.
The gunshot was loud, much too loud. Sam had heard the sound before. Heard his dad take care of monsters, but that was a different sound. That was a triumphant sound, ringing out in the night, a sign of victory, of a job well done. This was a sad sound, dark and sinister during the bright daylight hours of the summer, and Sam sobbed for minutes, maybe an hour, clinging to Bobby's shirt.
"It had to be done, son." Bobby's voice was low in his ear. "He was sick. He was weak and unhappy." Sam tried to nod. "Everything is much better now."
The morning went by slowly, dragging out endlessly. Dean took way too long in the shower, and Sam watched Castiel dig through Dean's duffel bag, sorting clothes into piles, folding and unfolding each piece. It seemed to happen a lot lately, at random times. Some moments would stretch on forever, an endless expanse of empty time. Sam was troubled, his mind fumbling over the dream, which was really more of a perfect memory. He hadn't thought about in years. Dean finally emerged from the bathroom, cloud of steam trailing close behind, and Castiel offered him a pile of clothes. He dressed in silence, and Sam rolled out of bed, hoping there'd be some hot water left.
Luckily, there was, and Sam sighed against the pressure, letting the water hit him hot and hard, washing away the dream, and the connections his mind had made between it and... everything. It wasn't long before he heard the bathroom door open and shut, a quiet click under the rush of water. He didn't bother looking, didn't really care enough. But the shower curtain moved only seconds after, one hand reaching in to pull it open slightly. Sam turned, eyes locking with Gabriel's, and he felt a warmth immediately.
"Hey." Gabriel's voice was loud and steady, a thrumming echo against the bathroom tiles. He sat on the edge of the tub, curtain open just enough to keep space open between them. Sam studied him, looking for a sign that he was weaker, sicker, but nothing was wrong. He was the same man he'd always been, if only just a little more quiet and thoughtful. Gabriel was watching him, eyes wandering up and down Sam's naked body, across his chest, down his stomach, over his legs. Sam didn't mind, not so much.
"Missed you." He admitted quietly, bringing Gabriel's focus back up to his face immediately. Gabriel smirked, playful and devious, reaching one arm back to wrap around Sam's leg.
"Missed me, huh?" He raised his eyebrows suggestively, and Sam had to laugh. It was good to see him, to hear him, and yeah...the contact was pretty nice too.
"That's not what I meant, you know it." He grinned down at him, feeling a text book of emotions course through him. Gabriel nodded. He did know. The sex was good. Mind blowing, actually. But it couldn't compare to the relationship they'd built. At first, Sam wasn't sure what they were. He knew they were friends who maybe flirted a little too much. And then Sam had started really coming onto him, mostly when he was too drunk or horny to really think it through. But then they'd started making plans to meet up, wandering aimlessly while they talked about anything and everything. It was after that when they started getting more serious. Their quick kisses and teasing touches had turned into long passionate moments, making out in the Impala, exploring each other in bed. The sex had happened almost naturally. Sam hadn't been very nervous the first time, because it just felt sort of...right. And it was. It was good. It was perfect. But it wasn't until after all of that, all those moments and milestones, that Sam realized how he really felt about Gabriel. He knew now. But, he still hadn't said the words out loud.
"Get in here." He said quickly, words surprising even himself. He hadn't planned on asking. In fact, he'd been thinking about getting out of the shower quite soon. But Gabriel was here, finally here, and he couldn't wait to put his hands on him. He couldn't risk losing him for another few days without touching him, holding him. Sam was relieved when Gabriel obliged easily, pulling his clothes off. Sam was glad that he wasn't trying to use his power to snap the clothes away. Through their entire relationship, not once had Sam ever seen Gabriel actually pull his clothes off. And now, it was sort of a beautiful sight.
Sam pulled the curtain closed behind Gabriel, wrapping one arm around his waist at the same time. Sam liked the way that Gabriel had to stretch up on his toes to kiss him. He wasn't sure why it always warmed his heart, like it was now. Gabriel was leaning against him, solid and heavy, anything but weak. He looked good, he tasted good, and God, he felt good. But he was quiet, still so quiet, and Sam knew that his mind was miles away, thick with trouble and pain. The kiss lasted longer than the hot water.
Time sped up a little after that. The day went on at a normal pace, nothing much happening out of the ordinary. Gabriel had stayed after the shower, and Sam appreciated the snarky banter between him and Dean. Sam should have known that walking out of the bathroom with Gabriel, both wet and smiling, would spark some sort of fight. But no, it wasn't a fight. Not so much. It was more like spiteful words laced with caring tones. Sam liked that. He didn't know if Dean really had warmed up to Gabriel, but it was clear that he was at least making an effort that was completely valid. And that meant a lot to Sam. To Gabriel, too.
Castiel had sat with Sam at the small table near the back of the room, asking him about his research. Sam told Cas everything he knew, detailing every fact he'd found, but he knew that if there was any real way to stop this, to fix it...Cas would already know.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to borrow your friend here, little bro." Gabriel slid a chair up, straddling it backwards as he addressed Castiel. Cas tilted his head, always lost by Gabriel's words. But, bless his heart, he was good with instructions, and immediately crossed the room when Dean called him over.
"So, I've been thinking...." Gabriel looked upward, eyes on the ceiling as he rubbed at his chin. Sam groaned. Those words never meant anything good. Well, there was that one time with the whipped cream, but that was probably a fluke. "I think we should spend more time together." Gabriel dropped his gaze, meeting Sam's. Sam licked his lips, feeling like Gabriel could see right through him.
"Well you always know where I am, Babe." Sam didn't notice his slip up until he heard Dean chuckling across the room. "Gabe." He corrected, loud enough for Dean to hear.
Gabriel leaned forward, into Sam's space, keeping his voice low. "You meant 'Babe', Sammy. Don't play coy." He smirked.
Sam looked up at Dean, who was completely enthralled by Cas again. "Not in front of Dean, I didn't." It was true. He really didn't like being vulnerable and...boyfriend-y when Dean was around. It was nervewracking at the best of times.
"Well maybe we should get out of here, and not be around Dean for a while, Babe." Gabriel had leaned in even closer, fingers brushing the back of Sam's hand on top of the table. Sam sighed, wanting more than anything to agree with him. But there was nowhere to go, nothing to do.
"Hey, Sammy?" It was Dean, looking over his shoulder as Cas waited quietly by his side. "Me and Cas, we're gonna go out for a bit."
Sam tensed, wondering if somehow they'd overheard their whispered conversation. Gabriel traced a pattern over the back of Sam's hand, wrapping his fingers around his palm, squeezing tightly. Suddenly, it didn't really seem to matter so much.
"Yeah, okay." Sam nodded. "Call if you need anything." Sam had already lost interest in Dean, turning his attention instead toward Gabriel, who's fingers were stroking at Sam's wrist. Sam thought he heard Dean laugh as they left the room, door closing behind them with a loud, metallic click. The space seemed very different without the two of them there. Empty and vast, much quieter. It'd been a couple weeks since he and Gabriel had any real time alone. Sam wished he knew how long they'd have.
"Well..." He flipped his hand on the table, palm up, letting Gabriel trace the lines on his skin. "We're alone." Sam looked up, locking his eyes on Gabriel's, who's face was twisting into a slow, lazy grin.
"How ever will we pass the time?" Gabriel's voice had dropped, low and throaty, and Sam felt himself harden immediately. Gabriel moved from the chair, sliding onto Sam's lap quickly and easily, eyes darkening once he felt that Sam was already hard. Part of Sam didn't really want this. He sort of just wanted to lay in bed and talk, just be close, for once. He felt his breath hitch as Gabriel bent to suck at his neck. But, then again, that could always come after.
Sam liked the way he could pick Gabriel up and carry him to the bed. He liked the way he could cover his entire body with own. He liked feeling like he could take care of him. And he did. Sam took care of Gabriel's wants and needs, which had a range that was almost hilarious. He'd want a milkshake, Sam would get him one. He'd need a friend, Sam would be one.
Right now though, what Gabriel wanted was quick, dirty sex. And Sam gave it to him.
Dean and Cas ended up spending most of the day out, and Sam had gotten that long, lazy moment in bed that he'd been hoping for. He found himself craving those moments more than anything lately. It wasn't that he didn't like the sex. He loved it, and assumed it would probably never get boring, not with a guy like Gabriel. It was just that, during sex, Gabriel would be arrogant and playful, teasing and pompous. He'd be...the Trickster. But, when they'd lay in bed together afterward, tangled up in each other, cuddling under the warm blankets, that's when Sam got the real Gabriel. He'd be so kind and gentle and warm and thoughtful, a perfect boyfriend by all means.
Sam hoped desperately that that would be exactly what he'd be left with if Gabriel did lose all of his grace. He prayed to no one in particular that his eyes would still be vivid, that his smirk would still be wicked, that his mind would be sharp and cunning. It bothered Sam that he had no idea how long it would take to happen completely. And it bothered him even more that he had no clue who his boyfriend would really be without the snapping and pranking and quick getaways.
Sam's thoughts were stilled as he trained his focus on Gabriel, who was laying against his chest, eyes closed, hair tangled, skin fevered. He was breathing deeply, one hand spread against Sam's skin, the other lost under the blanket. And Sam realized then, that this wasn't a moment to deal with the what if's of the future. It was a moment to cherish. Right here, right now, just the two of them.
Sam was startled awake by the sound of the door closing. He opened his eyes slowly, seeing nothing but blurred shapes and lights for a moment, until his sight fell on Dean, who was stripping his jacket off by the door. He let his eyes fall shut immediately, feeling guilt wash over him as he realized that Gabriel was still laying on top of him under the blanket, just as naked as Sam was, and there was no way Dean was about to overlook that. Sam kept his eyes closed as he heard Dean pull off his boots. He felt Gabriel stir against him, brace himself to move. Sam bit at the inside of his lip, wishing more than anything that Gabriel could stay. Just once. He felt Gabriel's hand slide off his chest, his body slip away from his side, inch by inch, and he swallowed the urge to beg him to stay. But, he didn't have to. Because Dean was talking now, low and quiet from across the room.
"Stay with him." Three words. Three simple words, and it made Sam's heart pound. He cracked his eyes open slightly, looking at Gabriel through his eyelashes. Gabriel was staring at Dean, intense and approving, as he smiled and nodded. Sam risked a glance at his brother, who was looking right at him now. He didn't need to say a word to let him know how thankful he was right now, because Dean knew. He nodded at Sam, pulling back his blankets as he climbed into the bed. Sam felt Gabriel settle back down against him, and he racked through his memories, trying to think of any moment in his life that matched the perfect calm of this one.
There were none.
Sam could only wish that the following morning would be as relaxed, but of course...it was not. Dean was awake early, which happened rarely, and in a great mood, which was almost unheard of these days. Normally, Sam would assume he'd hooked up with some chick police officer in the back of a squad car, probably something quick and dirty, and of course, he'd forget her name by morning. But he knew that there was only one name left on his lips now, and Sam was pretty damn positive that hadn't happened last night either.
Dean didn't explain himself, and Sam didn't ask. He had a feeling that whatever was making Dean happy was something for only Dean to enjoy. For now, at least. But, the rarity of the awesome mood entitled pancakes, and Dean stated as much as he kicked at Sam's bed, annoying him to no end as he tried to appreciate the fact that he'd just officially spent the night with Gabriel for the first time ever.
Sam groaned in protest, grinning slightly despite the annoyance. Gabriel rolled off of him, taking half the blankets with him, and Sam fumbled his hands over the bed, trying to pull some of it back over his body.
"Sam, seriously, dude!" Dean was fully dressed, boots and all, standing by the door with his hands out at his sides. "Pancakes!" He almost shouted the word, and Gabriel jolted in the bed next to Sam, sitting up suddenly.
"With syrup?" His voice was hopeful, and Sam was sure he was going to die of laughter as he pulled on his clothes.
Cas met them at the diner, sliding into the booth next to Dean. He seemed well. Stronger and happier than Sam had seen him in a long time. He was sitting straight, instead of slumped. His tie was resting perfectly against his neck, instead of falling into a loose tangle halfway down his chest, and Sam raised one eyebrow at Dean as he inwardly reassessed his opinions of what exactly they did do last night. But, it wasn't his business, and it's not like Sam could say anything about any of it, because he himself was in exactly the same boat.
Dean watched with wide eyes as Gabriel drowned his pancakes in syrup, emptying the glass jar onto his plate. Sam didn't give it a second glance. He'd known that Gabriel wasn't joking when he'd threatened to use the whole syrup supply on their way there. He sometimes wondered if his sugar addiction was causing any damage to his vessel, but usually, that thought would be wiped away with a sweet and sticky kiss. Gabriel never failed with that.
Dean groaned as Sam smirked against Gabriel's lips, tasting sticky sugar on his mouth. He rarely let Gabriel kiss him in front of Dean, but today, Dean's smile was unwavering, and Sam had the feeling that he could get away with it just once.
"So where did you guys go yesterday?" Sam broke the silence as he cut into his pancakes, feeling his leg pressed warmly against Gabriel's under the table.
"Uh, we just went to look around the town." Dean dropped his eyes from Sam's as he answered.
"You were gone, like...all day." Sam's hands stilled as he studied Dean's face, seeing a blush creep up his neck.
"Sam, I believe your pancakes are going to get cold if you do not eat them very soon." Castiel's voice was very serious, and once again, Sam was afraid that his own laughter would be the death of him. At least this time, Dean was laughing with him.
Dean's mood finally dimmed after a few more hours, diminishing into a blank nothing as he focused on the road from behind the wheel of the Impala. Sam was in the passenger seat, leaning against the window as he tried to keep his thoughts off of Gabriel, who had left with Cas. He realized that this was the first time in a month, maybe more, that he and Dean were completely alone. It was odd in comparison to the way their life had been before their discovery of angels, when they'd spent every moment together, with no one but each other to talk to. And now that they had the time, the space, to really talk, neither of them were. Sam watched the trees blur by as he traced his fingers over the map that was laying open in his lap. It felt almost out of place, like it hadn't been a permanent fixture in his life for five years straight. A lot of things were seeming almost redundant and unimportant now, even after living by them religiously for so long. It wasn't that he'd lost interest in hunting. Or faith in his relationship with Dean. In fact, he felt closer to Dean now than he had in months. He wasn't sure if Dean felt the same, but he could only hope.
"Will you tell me now?" He fought back the urge to punch himself for asking again, realizing that the words had slipped out of his mouth without getting his conscious permission to do so. Dean sighed heavily, not taking his eyes off the road for even a second. Sam didn't push the question at all, letting it stay between them, burning and unanswered for at least five minutes. He'd almost forgotten he'd asked it when Dean turned down the music, finally throwing him a glance.
"We just... uh..." He bit his lip softly, and Sam wanted to tell him he didn't really need to explain. "We just spent some time together, that's all." His eyes were dark and serious, but a smile was tugging at his lips, and Sam's heart held onto that as a sign of good things to come.
"You... spent some time together." He rolled Dean's words back to him, feeling his own smile crack across his face as Dean's brightened just slightly, almost unnoticeably.
"Yeah, Sam. Don't tell me I need to explain that to you." Dean rolled his eyes, but his smile took over the expression, warming Sam's heart enough to be satisfied with the vague information. He knew all he had to know. And he was happy. Really happy.
Until he remembered that they weren't driving off into the sunset to live out their awesome lives happily ever after. The Tale of Two Winchesters was unlikely to ever have a flawless ending. But Sam made a promise to himself, then and there, that he'd damn well try to provide it for Gabriel.
Sam tossed in his bed, unable to dim his thoughts as he tried to fall asleep. His mind was conflicted with what was really going on with Gabriel. He kept having thoughts as if he was dying, as if he'd never see him again. And that simply was far from the truth. But, Sam had no clue who's body Gabriel was in, or even where or when he'd gotten it. He had no idea how much of what Gabriel said was really him, or how much of the personality Sam had come to... admire was going to be left after this whole thing finally boiled down. And that was the death of Gabriel, in all senses but one, and Sam missed him terribly as he fisted his hands in the cold sheets, squeezing his eyes shut as he thought about Gabriel's lips, warm and soft against his, stealing all thoughts from his mind as drifted to sleep.
He stayed in bed for a long time the next morning. They had their room for three days, and Sam wasn't really in the mood to get out of bed when he didn't have to. He listened to the shower run as Castiel shuffled through the newspaper, legs crossed under him on Dean's bed. They spoke quietly for a while, mostly about Dean, and Sam apologized to Cas as he woke up for a second time, realized he'd drifted back into sleep in the middle of their conversation.
His cell phone vibrated on the bedside table, and he grabbed for it clumsily, knocking his watch to the floor as his fingers wrapped around it. He flipped it open without looking at the screen, too tired to open his eyes. He listened to Gabriel's voice flood his mind, hanging onto it as he heard Dean come out of the bathroom, starting a conversation with Cas. They sounded very distant, like they were in a whole different room, and Sam was happy to lay in bed, not seeing anything but Gabriel's face in the back of his mind as his voice washed through him.
He didn't take long to get fully awake after that.
"Where you going?" Dean was sitting on his bed next to Cas. Their shoulders were pressed tightly together, and their fingers were crossing just slightly on Dean's leg. Sam smiled at the small contact, realizing it was probably the grandest gesture he'd ever witnessed between them.
"I'm, um..." Sam had been so worked up over going out, he'd forgotten to even ask Dean about the car. "I'm taking the car?" He added a hopeful note to the end of his question, shrugging his shoulders as Dean studied him.
"Yeah, okay." Dean leaned into Cas slowly, a tiny movement, and Sam wasn't completely sure that he hadn't just imagined it. "Keys are in my pocket." Dean gestured toward his jacket, which was hanging off the back of a blue wooden chair. Sam thanked him quickly, fishing the keys out with ease before slipping out the door. He sighed as he slid himself behind the wheel of the Impala, starting it up with a loud roar. He shivered slightly in the chilled air as he backed out of the parking lot, and it wasn't until he straightened the car out on the highway that he realized he forgot his watch. The motel was still prominent in the rearview mirror, so he turned around, leaving the car on as he neared the door of their room. He stopped in his tracks as he caught motion out of the corner of his eye. The curtains of their window were parted in the middle, and Sam leaned back a step, seeing Dean pull off his shirt before lowering himself onto Castiel, who was tangling his fingers through Dean's hair, kissing him hard and passionate. Sam turned away quickly, swallowing a smile. The watch wasn't that important.
Gabriel met him exactly where he said he would, and Sam was sort of disappointed that it was such a public place. It was a coffee shop, just off the highway, and after Sam had to drink half a bottle of water to rid the taste of the pure sugar they called donuts, it was clear why Gabriel suggested it.
"I missed you last night." Sam said the words easily, remembering how nervous he'd been to admit that to Gabriel the first time, months ago.
"I missed you too, Sammy." Gabriel smirked, and Sam wondered what he was thinking. He didn't ask. "I thought about you all night." His voice lowered, and Sam felt his face flush as his mind associated the tone with the way Gabriel talked to him during sex, saying things that archangels probably weren't expected to say.
"You did?" Sam prodded for more as he leaned across the table just slightly, feeling their legs brush together under it.
"You bet I did." Gabriel's eyes were dark, voice rough, and Sam's breath caught in his throat as he took a chance.
"Tell me what you thought about." He demanded it, flat and honest, needed to know what sort of thoughts his angel spent the night with. Gabriel just smiled, far from innocent, as he pushed away from the table, heading for the door. Sam followed quickly, feeling a brief twinge of guilt as he left his empty water bottle and donut wrapper on the table. But it didn't last long, because Gabriel was already in the Impala, telling Sam where to drive it as he slid into the Driver's seat, fumbling with the keys as Gabriel's hand ran up his thigh.
They drove for three minutes exactly, finding an old boarded up school with back lot parking, and Gabriel wasn't wasting any time to pull him into the back seat. Sam didn't resist. He let Gabriel grab at his shirt and drag him over the seat, which should have been an awkward feat for someone his size. But, it happened quickly, easily, and Sam fell onto Gabriel immediately, pressing their lips together in a kiss that was desperate and needy and laced with the taste of chocolate sprinkles. Gabriel's hands pushed at the hem of Sam's shirt, sliding it up his body. Sam felt his hands trail over his back, warm and soft, grabbing at him. He pressed down against Gabriel, grinding against him as Gabriel pulled him down, moving his hands to the back of his neck.
Sam let out a gasp of surprise as Gabriel flipped them, accomplishing the task that was impossible to most people in one easy movement. Sam didn't spend much time thinking about it though, Because Gabriel was straddling his waist, leaning down to lick and bite at his chest as he pushed his shirt out of the way. Sam arched his back as Gabriel bit into him. It hurt in all the right ways, and Sam was instantly rock hard under him, thrusting up against him for the much needed friction.
Gabriel raised his hands to his pants, popping them open quickly, easily, and Sam didn't waste time on his own. It was only seconds before they both had their pants down, catching on their shoes as Gabriel writhed on top of Sam, stroking his hard cock with one hand as he braced the other on the back of the seat. Sam moaned against Gabriel's neck, feeling the angel's grip tighten on him. He pushed at him, forcing his weight off of him so he could sit up. He turned and leaned against the back of the seat, feet on the floor as he dragged Gabriel into his lap. Time slowed for a moment as Gabriel tore one hand away from Sam's skin, and Sam let his eyes follow it, watching as he bought his thumb and finger together.
"No!" Sam grabbed at his hand, stopping the snap, and Gabriel looked at him incredulously for a moment. "You...you can't. Please." Sam spread Gabriel's fingers apart, flattening their palms against each other in mid-air.
"Sam, you know that we need -- "
"Yeah, Baby, I know." Sam let his head drop forward, resting on Gabriel's shoulder. "But you can't do that. Not when it isn't completely necessary." He closed his eyes, breathing in Gabriel's warmth as he kissed his neck softly.
"I'm pretty sure that this is necessary!" Gabriel tilted his head, giving Sam more skin to cherish. Sam laughed softly against his pulse, sighing loudly as he pulled away, looking at Gabriel's face.
"It can wait. Wait until we get some time alone in the motel." Sam tried to sound reassuring, tried to promise Gabriel that the time would come. But really, the words were as much to convince himself as anything else. Because Gabriel was perfect, and funny, and caring....and so goddamn sexy and naked on his lap. And Sam was pretty damn sure that the need to get more of that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.
He'd almost forgotten the impromptu brother/angel porn he'd nearly witnessed, until he pulled the car back into the lot of the motel, with a sexually frustrated archangel in the passenger seat. He stopped and wondered briefly if it was safe to go in yet, wanting more than anything not to walk in on that. The cold air finally made up his mind, and he made a point to fumble with the doorknob for a few seconds before pushing it open.
Luckily, the room ended up being filled with four fully dressed, safely spaced men, and Sam tried desperately to clear his mind of the fact the he wanted to be very naked, and very close to Gabriel right now. Sex was rarely his top priority lately. He'd taken a habit of favoring conversation and lazy kisses over fucking and sucking, but whatever was causing that mood lately had obviously snapped, because all Sam could think about was dropping his knees in front of Gabriel, tugging at his pants, licking at--
"Where did you go?" Dean cut Sam's thoughts harshly, and Sam almost resented him for stealing his awesome fantasies away. But, then again, it was probably best that he didn't think thought that would inevitably end up with him making awkward noises.
"Breakfast." Sam's simple answer had come out sounding a little venomous, as if he hated Dean's very existence. And at that moment, he maybe sort of did. And of course, that's likely why Dean and Cas stayed around for the rest of the goddamn day.
Castiel was sort of blank, a little cold, taking a moment too long to respond to things that were said to him, and Sam's heart ached as Dean's face fell more and more each time it happened. Sam hoped that Castiel wouldn't change. Hoped for Dean. For all of them, really. Because Castiel couldn't afford to change. Sam had known that Dean had fallen in love with Cas long before Dean even knew it. He knew that Dean loved everything about who his angel was, and who he thought he always would be.
And that was when Sam remembered why the sex had seemed so much less important over the last few weeks. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed when the need for it vanished completely from his body and mind.
The next few moments passed in a blur; quick words, stilted movements, bumping and brushing and awkwardly avoiding. And then, they were gone. Dean and Cas. Just... gone. There was something going on lately, some unspoken rule. When they had the opportunity to spend moments alone with their angels respectively... well, they took it.
"Come on, Sammy. No excuses now." Gabriel was pushing, pulling, pressing him down to the bed. "Fuck me."
Sam took a sharp breath in as Gabriel bit at his lip, trailing rough kisses over his jaw, down his throat. His hands were warm and strong on his skin. "That's what you want, Gabe?" Sam growled the words out, low and rough.
"Always... always what I... I want..." Gabriel's were stuttered and broken as his mouth worked over Sam's skin.
Sam threw his head back as Gabriel crawled over him. Flirty, needy and so fucking hot.
Apparently, when your boyfriend is Gabriel... the desire is never really gone.
Sam didn't remember falling asleep. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure that he remembered coming. It had been hot and dizzying and frantic and hard. He had a bite mark on his hip, deep and red throbbing. And he was pretty sure he had ripped his shirt.
"Call me Mister Flintstone," Gabriel's voice was rough and broken beside him, chuckling softly in a way that brought Sam's focus back to here and now. Gabriel was curled against him, hand pressed to Sam's chest; warm and solid and soft. His hair was tangled and dampened over his skin... a sign of a job well done.
Sam smirked as he pulled Gabriel in closer, sure that the moment was perfect, would be perfect.
But no.
"What's wrong?" Sam tried not to jump to conclusions as Gabriel winced, an expression resembling pain tainting his features.
"Nothing, Sammy," He said the words to Sam's neck.
"Gabe... don't." Occasionally, once in a while, Gabriel would lie to him. Stretch the truth, or hide something important. Sam really wasn't okay with this.
"Gabriel." Sam ran his fingers through Gabriel's hair, studying his face as he waited for an answer.
Gabriel didn't need to say it.
Because... Sam saw it.
"Jesus Chris, what ha -- " Sam's hand stilled over Gabriel's skin, bruised and scratched and broken. What happened? Sam happened.
"Hey, Sammy, don't worry about it!" Gabriel's face twisted into something that screamed 'Trickster'. "You get banged up all the time, and this is no worse than that."
It was true. But it was wrong.
Gabriel had never been hurt like this before. He'd never had to deal with his bruises or wait for his cuts to heal. Sam was conditioned for it. Sam was a hunter. Gabriel was a stranger to it. Gabriel... was breaking.
The morning came too quick, too bright. Dean and Cas had stayed out all night. Sam didn't know where. He didn't really care. He knew that he shouldn't feel as awful as he did, so guilty and hurtful, so goddamn monstrous. They were bruises and scratches. Sex scratches, and nothing more. They were minor, ignorable, and if they'd been on Sam's body, they may have even gone unnoticed. But he couldn't stomach it. Because they were a constant reminder that Gabriel wasn't Gabriel. He wasn't the powerful being he used to be. He was fragile and weakening. And now... now Sam had to stare that right in the face.
And when Dean's eyes fell on Gabriel's arm after he and Cas got back, well... he didn't ask. And Sam was glad.
"Stop. Worrying." Gabriel separated the words, accenting each with a sharp bite that was obviously intended as a warning. He was laying across the back seat of the Impala, head resting in Sam's lap. Under normal circumstances, Sam wouldn't have allowed it. Dean knowing they were together, and seeing them together were two very different things. But, this was different. Because Gabriel... Gabriel's body ached.
"Can't" Sam ran his hand over Gabriel's chest, light and soft and testing. He knew there were bruises under his shirt.
"Sam." Gabriel drew his name out, and Sam knew it was the final straw.
"Okay." Sam said the word without conviction. There was no one who'd believe him anyway.
Gabriel's bruises faded eventually, as all bruises tended to go. Sam still wouldn't admit to an overreaction because it wasn't, not by any means. He'd known Gabriel would be fine. His skin would heal, as all skin did. But it wasn't about that.
And Dean knew it.
And when Sam came in from the diner one night, worn and tired and aching for sleep, he finally saw the sight that gave this it's purpose.
Dean was in bed, with Castiel... which wasn't so odd on it's own. They did sleep together, they always slept together. They'd been sharing a bed for months. But never before had it been like this, with Castiel resting against Dean's chest, smiling and laughing softly at whatever it was that Dean was saying. And never before had they stayed that way when Sam came in. They just... stayed. Unashamed and sure of themselves.
For the first time ever.
"I think it's gonna be okay, Sammy." Dean was grinning in a way that was soft and sure as he turned to look at Sam.
Sam nodded, unconvinced. They wouldn't be okay. How could they be okay?
"Go to bed, Sam." Dean yawned around his words as he pulled Castiel tighter against him, a sight that Sam had only ever seen in his mind. He was tired. He couldn't argue.
And when he finally looked over at his bed, complete with Gabriel, spread out under the covers... he didn't even want to.
Because Sam knew... Sam was sure... that they really were going to be okay.
He knew that something was about to change in a big way the moment he slid under the covers. Gabriel rolled against him, wrapping his arms around his waist. And Sam was sure that nothing had ever felt as perfect. They fit together in a way that Sam hadn't really noticed before. Or, if he had, he hadn't acknowledged it. At least not out loud, not to Gabriel. And maybe... maybe this was the time.
Sam cleared his throat as he locked his eyes on Gabriel's. Because, Sam?
He had something to say.
-End-