Getting old...
I went out to a friend from Sainsburys house last night, and we were discussing relatives and life expectancy. He explained that his relatives were lucky if they claimed their pensions, and I said that with the exception of my grandad, all of my relatives tended to die of getting old.
When I got back there was a message from my Dad saying he'd try to ring me today. As it was 2 am I thought that was the best plan too. This morning I texted to say I was available if he wanted to talk. I do it that way rather than ring, in case it is something about mum he wants to tell me, so she doesn't know.
It wasn't. He wanted to tell me that my Nana has been taken into hospital, it looks like her labyrinthitis is either a brain tumor, a stroke, or both. They won't know for sure until the swelling goes down, but she hasn't eaten for a week, and keeps getting very confused. My dad saw her yesterday, and apparently she is very like my uncle before he died. It looks like she may not last the week.
I want to go home, not because my nana is dying, because there is nothing I can do about that, but because I want to be there for my mam. Her mind works the same way as mine, she is going to be thinking that this is her punishment for not liking my Nana, and resenting having to visit her every week. My nana is not a very nice person, she is one of the reasons why my mum and I have as many hang-ups as we do, she can't say a nice thing about anyone, but she is still my nana, and I don't want her to suffer. I know she has a DNR, she has had one pretty much since they were officially allowed, but dad's description of her hurts so much.
Alls I can think of to do is to let H at work know on Monday, and be ready to go up north if the worst happens. Its odd, this is the first relative dying that I've known about in advance. My grandad died while I was on holiday, and my gran during my third-year exams, and both times my parents decided to wait until they saw me to tell me, which I understand. She's not dead, but I *don't know* it, its almost like Schroedingers cat inside me, it doesn't seem real...