Popcorn, Pepsi, Heart Carry Taube To 4th Consecutive Early Morning Finish
New York-
Procrastinator extraordinaire Aaron Taube survived yet another late night scare early Tuesday morning. The Port Jefferson Senior pulled off what is arguably the most impressive of his trademark late night miracles yesterday, finally completing a four page government paper at 4:30 the morning of its deadline.
Taube came in to Monday evening riding a streak of three consecutive post-Midnight homework completions and was confident he could extend his streak to four.
"When I woke up from my nap around 8:30, I knew with the Warmuth paper due the next day and the bio test coming up that it was going to be a rough night for me."
Taube started off the night sluggishly, wasting time early in the evening instant messaging his friends. However, Taube came up big an hour later when he concocted another of his brilliant schemes that have come to define his academic career at Port Jeff.
"Basically, I was talking to Ezgi and Cassie about the biology test tomorrow and we all pretty much decided we were in no condition to take the test the next morning. I came to the conclusion that we should all skip the biology test and go for breakfast instead. This way, we could have a biology party that afternoon to study for the test we would be taking the day after.”
As brilliant as Aaron has been throughout his career at PJHS, he has occasionally found himself plagued by the sort of absent-mindedness unbefitting a student of his caliber. Just moments after the announcement of the evasion of the next day’s bio test, Aaron realized he had forgotten to take his government book home with him. When Ezgi Kiriscioglu revealed her scanner wasn’t working at 9:52, things looked bleak for the home side at 47 Hillcrest. When Ali San Roman’s copies came out blurry and cut off, Aaron looked to be on the verge of missing his first homework assignment since the Camus paper in early December. With several of his streaks about to go up in smoke, Taube received a tremendous assist from an unlikely hero.
“Sputnik [fellow senior Sasha Dagayev] really came up huge for us tonight. He’s one of the most clutch guys on the North Shore. This shouldn’t really be a surprise to anybody though; he’s been doing this ever since he came here in the 5th grade.”
During the hour it took for the transfer to be made, Taube put on a procrastination clinic, defeating the popular online game “Volley Challenge” in record time. He spent the next hour and a half talking to friends online, intermittently absorbing the necessary reading material. At 1:30, with just 6 hours remaining before he was scheduled to meet his friends at the Pirate Deli, Aaron wrote his introductory paragraph.
After starting out strong, Aaron ran into a potential roadblock in the form of an extended trip to YouTube. For the next hour, it looked as if Taube would never be able to pull himself away from an array of Streetlight Manifesto, Head Automatica and Vanilla Ice related videos (When asked about his fascination with “Ice, Ice, Baby”, Aaron declined comment). Exhausted and distracted, Taube decided to make a bold tactical decision that we may ultimately look back on as the turning point in his academic career.
“Ever since 10th grade, I’ve used tea and chocolate chip cookies as my primary homework stimulant. The past few months, I’ve felt like this combination hasn’t really given me the jolt I need to get results at this level of academia. I needed something different.”
After a fruitless search of the kitchen refrigerator, Aaron wandered into the garage looking for something to drink. What he came out with, was a savior.
“My mom buys these mini Pepsi bottles for Sasha because he refuses to drink the non-caffeinated diet stuff we usually have in the house. I found them sitting there in the garage and thought ‘What the heck?’, you know?”
Taube took the Pepsi, alongside an entire bag of popcorn, up to his room with him and saw an immediate and drastic improvement in his stamina. Reinvigorated by his newfound source of caffeine, Aaron spat out two more pages in rapid succession. Taube was feeling so good, in fact, that he decided to take time off to peruse Facebook, joining the groups “Don’t Tread on This-Supporters of United States Soccer”, “I’m Keith Hernandez” and “Jose Valentin's Sexy Fun Mustache Club” before banging out his fourth and final page to complete one of the greatest all-nighters in the history of Earl L. Vandermeulen High School.
Asked if he’d continue using Pepsi and popcorn to stay up night or go back to his original formula of tea and chocolate chip cookies, Aaron grinned and quipped “Well everyone always told me tea was for pussies.”
Aaron paused a moment before adding “Seriously though, I think the Pepsi worked out really well tonight. [Social Studies teacher Dave] Warmuth is always a tough guy to go up against and not having the right book hurt me early on, so I’m really happy about I was able to dig deep and come back from that. I’d be thrilled to get that kind of performance out of my caffeine source on a daily basis.”
Asked how he would be able to recover from a sleepless night in time to study for the final biology test of the second quarter, a bleary-eyed Taube shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Who knows? Maybe, I’ll have to cut again on Wednesday”.
Procrastinator extraordinaire Aaron Taube survived yet another late night scare early Tuesday morning. The Port Jefferson Senior pulled off what is arguably the most impressive of his trademark late night miracles yesterday, finally completing a four page government paper at 4:30 the morning of its deadline.
Taube came in to Monday evening riding a streak of three consecutive post-Midnight homework completions and was confident he could extend his streak to four.
"When I woke up from my nap around 8:30, I knew with the Warmuth paper due the next day and the bio test coming up that it was going to be a rough night for me."
Taube started off the night sluggishly, wasting time early in the evening instant messaging his friends. However, Taube came up big an hour later when he concocted another of his brilliant schemes that have come to define his academic career at Port Jeff.
"Basically, I was talking to Ezgi and Cassie about the biology test tomorrow and we all pretty much decided we were in no condition to take the test the next morning. I came to the conclusion that we should all skip the biology test and go for breakfast instead. This way, we could have a biology party that afternoon to study for the test we would be taking the day after.”
As brilliant as Aaron has been throughout his career at PJHS, he has occasionally found himself plagued by the sort of absent-mindedness unbefitting a student of his caliber. Just moments after the announcement of the evasion of the next day’s bio test, Aaron realized he had forgotten to take his government book home with him. When Ezgi Kiriscioglu revealed her scanner wasn’t working at 9:52, things looked bleak for the home side at 47 Hillcrest. When Ali San Roman’s copies came out blurry and cut off, Aaron looked to be on the verge of missing his first homework assignment since the Camus paper in early December. With several of his streaks about to go up in smoke, Taube received a tremendous assist from an unlikely hero.
“Sputnik [fellow senior Sasha Dagayev] really came up huge for us tonight. He’s one of the most clutch guys on the North Shore. This shouldn’t really be a surprise to anybody though; he’s been doing this ever since he came here in the 5th grade.”
During the hour it took for the transfer to be made, Taube put on a procrastination clinic, defeating the popular online game “Volley Challenge” in record time. He spent the next hour and a half talking to friends online, intermittently absorbing the necessary reading material. At 1:30, with just 6 hours remaining before he was scheduled to meet his friends at the Pirate Deli, Aaron wrote his introductory paragraph.
After starting out strong, Aaron ran into a potential roadblock in the form of an extended trip to YouTube. For the next hour, it looked as if Taube would never be able to pull himself away from an array of Streetlight Manifesto, Head Automatica and Vanilla Ice related videos (When asked about his fascination with “Ice, Ice, Baby”, Aaron declined comment). Exhausted and distracted, Taube decided to make a bold tactical decision that we may ultimately look back on as the turning point in his academic career.
“Ever since 10th grade, I’ve used tea and chocolate chip cookies as my primary homework stimulant. The past few months, I’ve felt like this combination hasn’t really given me the jolt I need to get results at this level of academia. I needed something different.”
After a fruitless search of the kitchen refrigerator, Aaron wandered into the garage looking for something to drink. What he came out with, was a savior.
“My mom buys these mini Pepsi bottles for Sasha because he refuses to drink the non-caffeinated diet stuff we usually have in the house. I found them sitting there in the garage and thought ‘What the heck?’, you know?”
Taube took the Pepsi, alongside an entire bag of popcorn, up to his room with him and saw an immediate and drastic improvement in his stamina. Reinvigorated by his newfound source of caffeine, Aaron spat out two more pages in rapid succession. Taube was feeling so good, in fact, that he decided to take time off to peruse Facebook, joining the groups “Don’t Tread on This-Supporters of United States Soccer”, “I’m Keith Hernandez” and “Jose Valentin's Sexy Fun Mustache Club” before banging out his fourth and final page to complete one of the greatest all-nighters in the history of Earl L. Vandermeulen High School.
Asked if he’d continue using Pepsi and popcorn to stay up night or go back to his original formula of tea and chocolate chip cookies, Aaron grinned and quipped “Well everyone always told me tea was for pussies.”
Aaron paused a moment before adding “Seriously though, I think the Pepsi worked out really well tonight. [Social Studies teacher Dave] Warmuth is always a tough guy to go up against and not having the right book hurt me early on, so I’m really happy about I was able to dig deep and come back from that. I’d be thrilled to get that kind of performance out of my caffeine source on a daily basis.”
Asked how he would be able to recover from a sleepless night in time to study for the final biology test of the second quarter, a bleary-eyed Taube shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Who knows? Maybe, I’ll have to cut again on Wednesday”.