(no subject)
I haven't so much as looked at this page in over three years. "What was I talking about?" Is a common reflection as I scroll through the history of my first adult years. Some of the references I remember well; they all seemed so important at the time I didn't even bother to write out the details half the time. Encrypted in a language I barely understand anymore are what I considered to be my darkest and my most cherished days. In time seeds grew to trees, and knives cut deep wounds where scars have now been healed for so long I barely notice they're even there, nor could I tell you how I even got them.
Since then a bond between best friends was severed over insignificant bullshit, and I was certain there would be enough time for this too to heal. I was wrong. I couldn't honestly even tell you what happened. He was just gone one day, as if the God I didn't even believe in one day showed up to punch me as hard as he could in the stomach for being a shallow prick. This is how his death affected me This is how I feel to this day when I think about it. I go back through and I read jonniesunday bantering with ninjacharlie. I read the only remaining goodspy entry. I ponder my most vivid memories of these times. Our comments and entries are full of the attitude that we all shared. We would not have mistaken this fleeting moment in time for something permanent had we really known what permanence was and what it meant. If there is any meaning to all of this, I believe it is that.
Since then a bond between best friends was severed over insignificant bullshit, and I was certain there would be enough time for this too to heal. I was wrong. I couldn't honestly even tell you what happened. He was just gone one day, as if the God I didn't even believe in one day showed up to punch me as hard as he could in the stomach for being a shallow prick. This is how his death affected me This is how I feel to this day when I think about it. I go back through and I read jonniesunday bantering with ninjacharlie. I read the only remaining goodspy entry. I ponder my most vivid memories of these times. Our comments and entries are full of the attitude that we all shared. We would not have mistaken this fleeting moment in time for something permanent had we really known what permanence was and what it meant. If there is any meaning to all of this, I believe it is that.