(no subject)
I feel despondent. Not so much as a hopelessness but more of this heavy feeling constantly resurfacing when working on art or walking through the city. What am I doing. These words keep punching me in the face. I can't shake it. I had a wonderfully successful show (thank you to all that came and to those that didn't it's still up until the 16th) and now I"m invited to an alumni show at Cornish that'll be hosting the opening reception for Sculpture Magazine's visit to seattle. It's amazing! though I keep asking myself is it good enough?
I go to the galleries, I see the work, I wonder how and WHY!? These aren't good to me. few things have struck me as wonderful as late, even some of my own work and ideas. I keep thinking it can be more. I can make them more wonderful but then I come to this feeling. this heaviness. what is wonderful? How can one make depth? expand ideas, emotions, experiences, without the tripe of commonness. Newness!
What is wonderful?
I also feel poor. I still have this itch to travel. I talked to dawn the other day and she said I could get a full ride at ohio university... but I'd have to go to ohio... The main reason why I'd do this is to live free for two years without the pressure of selling work. Or making the next wonderful piece. It's crap to always try and out do yourself. I want to fail and make mistakes. I can't grow without them. And living in this studio with no other voice besides my cat and Mr robo homo for criticism i tend to stick with what i feel is safe. (who if any of you know robinic, we tend to clash on most everything) but all in all I am considering going. It would be nice to up root myself. I've lived in this state for my whole life. It's time to move one.
Another Idea I had was moving to another country for just a few months. Get a little job so i don't go into debt, and really experience a culture. I looked on craigslist and saw a place in spain for 550 euros a month for six months... (does anyone know the exchange rate?) that would be nice. a real dream. something I will do.
though then we come back to the feeling of poorness. which I"m not really, though my job at brasa just doesn't afford me the savings I'd like to have for the above mentioned. It's basically hand to mouth and any art I sell either goes into more supplies for art or some crap I need (computer, glasses, clothes, a bed!) just stuff you know. I have no funds to expend on entertainment.
well it's 4 in the morning. I have to sleep, but I will end with saying that art is my passion, but unfortunately my passion gives way to wanderlust. maybe it's a good thing.
I go to the galleries, I see the work, I wonder how and WHY!? These aren't good to me. few things have struck me as wonderful as late, even some of my own work and ideas. I keep thinking it can be more. I can make them more wonderful but then I come to this feeling. this heaviness. what is wonderful? How can one make depth? expand ideas, emotions, experiences, without the tripe of commonness. Newness!
What is wonderful?
I also feel poor. I still have this itch to travel. I talked to dawn the other day and she said I could get a full ride at ohio university... but I'd have to go to ohio... The main reason why I'd do this is to live free for two years without the pressure of selling work. Or making the next wonderful piece. It's crap to always try and out do yourself. I want to fail and make mistakes. I can't grow without them. And living in this studio with no other voice besides my cat and Mr robo homo for criticism i tend to stick with what i feel is safe. (who if any of you know robinic, we tend to clash on most everything) but all in all I am considering going. It would be nice to up root myself. I've lived in this state for my whole life. It's time to move one.
Another Idea I had was moving to another country for just a few months. Get a little job so i don't go into debt, and really experience a culture. I looked on craigslist and saw a place in spain for 550 euros a month for six months... (does anyone know the exchange rate?) that would be nice. a real dream. something I will do.
though then we come back to the feeling of poorness. which I"m not really, though my job at brasa just doesn't afford me the savings I'd like to have for the above mentioned. It's basically hand to mouth and any art I sell either goes into more supplies for art or some crap I need (computer, glasses, clothes, a bed!) just stuff you know. I have no funds to expend on entertainment.
well it's 4 in the morning. I have to sleep, but I will end with saying that art is my passion, but unfortunately my passion gives way to wanderlust. maybe it's a good thing.