Damn you, Colonel Sanders!!
Today I am sick as a dog. At first I blamed Eric and his probably-tainted KFC from last night. But then I realized the true nature of my sudden illness: someone has poisoned me in an attempt to subvert my Sea Monkey Assassin Training program! Well, you diabolical fiend, know this: my sea monkey minions have sworn unwavering allegiance to the master who brought them into this world, and they will never stray from the path of global domination that I have laid for them. As for you, my vomit-inducing nemesis, I may be incapacitated today, but my steely resolve is stronger than ever, and I will hunt you down. HAHAHAHA!!