(no subject)
Keep this frequency clear.
Things with Elise and I are progressing. In a way that scares us both.
We are doing everything in our power to maintain control, to keep our heads above water.
We've been burned by diving into attraction before.
It's not easy to be in control of my emotions in that context. But it is better.
We are talking about things that have to be addressed.
----------
had to take the time to clear my head before continuing this.
the theme for Elise and I has been proceeding slowly and with caution
but we are standing on the precipice of the next step for us.
up to this point i have hugged her
she has kissed me on the neck when she left.
our physical intimacy has been conciously limited.
because we know we have to take it slow.
but our mental connection, our click has been stronger every day.
neither of us yet knows what this means.
but we are certain we dont want to repeat the same mistakes again.
so as we take this step, these are the things that i must mark here
things that must be laid as the foundation for what we are slowly becoming.
our slow momentum will continue. every step will be taken slowly
and openly. and talked about. discussed, understood.
the bad and the good.
we will not lose sight of ourselves.
we can enjoy eachother but we cannot lose sight of who we are,
why were doing this in the way we are
and how important this is.
slow and deliberate progress.
Uncoerced Discourse Towards Consensus.
I feel like I am on the path that could lead me towards knowing love.
this has been and will continue to be a decision. a choice.
i will not take any steps forward without doing what i am doing now.
coming back to solitude, stepping away and really evaluating.
questioning my motivation, my hopes, my fears.
-----------
Back inside.
So this is the picture in my mind:
She and I will allow ourselves to affirm this attraction. I'm going to kiss her the next time I see her.
We will not dive into this. Into eachother. Away from ourselves, our lives, our wounds.
I will allow myself to feel. I will not allow myself to stop thinking.
I am going to continue thinking about me, about my life.
Love myself enough to put myself first.
School is still my priority, despite the fact that I gave myself this summer to breathe.
That means that when I go back, I will be back full force. I will be ready, willing, and able to continue building my intellect.
I will continue building my friendships. My relationship with my family.
I will keep following my passions. Philosophy. Feminism. Art.
I'm ready. For this small step. And I will stay on the next precipice until I am damn sure I'm ready again.
This is how this is supposed to be done. I will learn from my mistakes and actually fucking apply that knowledge.
I know who I am. I know what I want. I know my intentions.
Your move, Universe.
Things with Elise and I are progressing. In a way that scares us both.
We are doing everything in our power to maintain control, to keep our heads above water.
We've been burned by diving into attraction before.
It's not easy to be in control of my emotions in that context. But it is better.
We are talking about things that have to be addressed.
----------
had to take the time to clear my head before continuing this.
the theme for Elise and I has been proceeding slowly and with caution
but we are standing on the precipice of the next step for us.
up to this point i have hugged her
she has kissed me on the neck when she left.
our physical intimacy has been conciously limited.
because we know we have to take it slow.
but our mental connection, our click has been stronger every day.
neither of us yet knows what this means.
but we are certain we dont want to repeat the same mistakes again.
so as we take this step, these are the things that i must mark here
things that must be laid as the foundation for what we are slowly becoming.
our slow momentum will continue. every step will be taken slowly
and openly. and talked about. discussed, understood.
the bad and the good.
we will not lose sight of ourselves.
we can enjoy eachother but we cannot lose sight of who we are,
why were doing this in the way we are
and how important this is.
slow and deliberate progress.
Uncoerced Discourse Towards Consensus.
I feel like I am on the path that could lead me towards knowing love.
this has been and will continue to be a decision. a choice.
i will not take any steps forward without doing what i am doing now.
coming back to solitude, stepping away and really evaluating.
questioning my motivation, my hopes, my fears.
-----------
Back inside.
So this is the picture in my mind:
She and I will allow ourselves to affirm this attraction. I'm going to kiss her the next time I see her.
We will not dive into this. Into eachother. Away from ourselves, our lives, our wounds.
I will allow myself to feel. I will not allow myself to stop thinking.
I am going to continue thinking about me, about my life.
Love myself enough to put myself first.
School is still my priority, despite the fact that I gave myself this summer to breathe.
That means that when I go back, I will be back full force. I will be ready, willing, and able to continue building my intellect.
I will continue building my friendships. My relationship with my family.
I will keep following my passions. Philosophy. Feminism. Art.
I'm ready. For this small step. And I will stay on the next precipice until I am damn sure I'm ready again.
This is how this is supposed to be done. I will learn from my mistakes and actually fucking apply that knowledge.
I know who I am. I know what I want. I know my intentions.
Your move, Universe.