(no subject)
"Your insatiable need to understand the deeper significance of things is sufficient to slow you down these days."
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to understand Elise. Why she is here, where we are going, what this relationship will ultimately be.
I use relationship only in the loosest sense. Two people communicating, relating with eachother.
Talking.
She and I talk a whole fucking lot. We have pages and pages on facebook, and I broke 1000 texts this month.
We have that click bell hooks wrote about.
that "mysterious sense of connection that may or may not have anything to do with love."
It is mysterious. There have been such a number of coincidences between us that it has to mean something.
But what?
That I don't know yet.
We are taking it slow. I am taking it slow.
It took some pushing from her for us to even meet.
It was strange, but it was also good. I'm very comfortable around her and I know she feels the same.
Our hearts are similarly broken. Which is how this began. Which is why we're so cautious.
Not only because we were burned in the past and are afraid of being burned again,
but because we are both in a very emotionally vulnerable state.
I keep saying we because we've communicated a lot of about things and I feel like we're on the same page.
(though part of me is still afraid of being lied to)
I don't want to hurt her. More than anything else, really.
But I don't want to drive her away or lose the friendship we've formed.
There has to be a deeper reason we've found ourselves in eachother's lives.
We have a great spiritual connection. We see a lot of things the same. She has such a great heart, and an old soul.
Tenish years ago I had the hugest crush on her. She is beautiful in a lot of ways.
I don't know if that's where we'll end up. Romantic relationship. There are a lot of complications surrounding that.
She's still technically married. She has A FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Slightly big deal.
We have very different taste in music. Very samey taste in a lot of other things. She doesn't play videogames.
Did I mention she has a daughter?
There are reasons to not continue down this road.
But I think our caution and patience will pay off and lead us just where we need to be.
If we end up just friends, which is still a bigger possibility now than the alternative, I will welcome it.
She has brought me back to myself, and surprised me with her deep wisdom so many times in the past month. Patience. Understanding. Compassion.
Like I said we click very well. We communicate very well. I just love talking to her.
We are progressing, but slowly.
I brought her with me to sidesplitters. It was awkward at first, as meeting someone youve talked to extensively online usually is.
But we slowly got more comfortable as the night went on, and ended up just sitting at talking until 3 am.
It's very casual, it's very friendly, and its been great for both of us.
Lord I'm rambling AND repeating myself. I didn't sleep much last night.
I will write more about her. Probably Thursday night since we are scheduled to hang out that day.
I don't know where its going, all I know is I'm making sure to stay conscious of how I proceed.
Carefully.
Yes. Yes it is.
I need to understand Elise. Why she is here, where we are going, what this relationship will ultimately be.
I use relationship only in the loosest sense. Two people communicating, relating with eachother.
Talking.
She and I talk a whole fucking lot. We have pages and pages on facebook, and I broke 1000 texts this month.
We have that click bell hooks wrote about.
that "mysterious sense of connection that may or may not have anything to do with love."
It is mysterious. There have been such a number of coincidences between us that it has to mean something.
But what?
That I don't know yet.
We are taking it slow. I am taking it slow.
It took some pushing from her for us to even meet.
It was strange, but it was also good. I'm very comfortable around her and I know she feels the same.
Our hearts are similarly broken. Which is how this began. Which is why we're so cautious.
Not only because we were burned in the past and are afraid of being burned again,
but because we are both in a very emotionally vulnerable state.
I keep saying we because we've communicated a lot of about things and I feel like we're on the same page.
(though part of me is still afraid of being lied to)
I don't want to hurt her. More than anything else, really.
But I don't want to drive her away or lose the friendship we've formed.
There has to be a deeper reason we've found ourselves in eachother's lives.
We have a great spiritual connection. We see a lot of things the same. She has such a great heart, and an old soul.
Tenish years ago I had the hugest crush on her. She is beautiful in a lot of ways.
I don't know if that's where we'll end up. Romantic relationship. There are a lot of complications surrounding that.
She's still technically married. She has A FOUR YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. Slightly big deal.
We have very different taste in music. Very samey taste in a lot of other things. She doesn't play videogames.
Did I mention she has a daughter?
There are reasons to not continue down this road.
But I think our caution and patience will pay off and lead us just where we need to be.
If we end up just friends, which is still a bigger possibility now than the alternative, I will welcome it.
She has brought me back to myself, and surprised me with her deep wisdom so many times in the past month. Patience. Understanding. Compassion.
Like I said we click very well. We communicate very well. I just love talking to her.
We are progressing, but slowly.
I brought her with me to sidesplitters. It was awkward at first, as meeting someone youve talked to extensively online usually is.
But we slowly got more comfortable as the night went on, and ended up just sitting at talking until 3 am.
It's very casual, it's very friendly, and its been great for both of us.
Lord I'm rambling AND repeating myself. I didn't sleep much last night.
I will write more about her. Probably Thursday night since we are scheduled to hang out that day.
I don't know where its going, all I know is I'm making sure to stay conscious of how I proceed.
Carefully.