(no subject)
Last week there was this beautiful weather and I was working at the coffee shop and everyone who came in asked, "And how are you?" and I answered "I'm great. I'm really great. Everything's comin' up Cara- I can't complain."
This is no longer the case.
The problem isn't just that my cat's been in the hospital for three days and has at least two more, or that even if he does get better by then, and doesn't require surgery, this will still wipe out our savings. Well, actually that IS the whole problem, and that's the problem, see?
The fact that I am nearly wrecked by my cat's illness has made me realize how much other bad stuff could happen, and in fact, is absolutely going to happen at some point. And what the hell am I going to do then, if I'm such a mess now?
I know that this is a terrible way to think, because if I thought like this all the time I would have given up a long time ago. But it sure makes it hard to want to go to bed, or to sit still.
Because even if I can stop myself from one thing that's going through my head, the idea that everything that exists is gradually getting worse, is breaking, is getting older, rustier, moldier, faded, weaker
- even if I CAN stop thinking that,
I just think: I miss my little guy. I really do. I hope he's okay.
This is no longer the case.
The problem isn't just that my cat's been in the hospital for three days and has at least two more, or that even if he does get better by then, and doesn't require surgery, this will still wipe out our savings. Well, actually that IS the whole problem, and that's the problem, see?
The fact that I am nearly wrecked by my cat's illness has made me realize how much other bad stuff could happen, and in fact, is absolutely going to happen at some point. And what the hell am I going to do then, if I'm such a mess now?
I know that this is a terrible way to think, because if I thought like this all the time I would have given up a long time ago. But it sure makes it hard to want to go to bed, or to sit still.
Because even if I can stop myself from one thing that's going through my head, the idea that everything that exists is gradually getting worse, is breaking, is getting older, rustier, moldier, faded, weaker
- even if I CAN stop thinking that,
I just think: I miss my little guy. I really do. I hope he's okay.