Happiness is...
This year has reminded me the value of being grateful for the little things in life. I used to think that "happiness" was a false promise. That it was not a reasonable thing for us to strive toward but I am feeling very different about that now. In fact, much of this year has been a difficult hunt for the tiny moments of happiness. No matter how many good things are happening around you, when your dreams are broken and your health is suffering, it is so hard to keep your head up and recognize those things.
I've managed by keeping lists and whining to friends; and of course, Jon has been a champion at pulling me out of the funk. Finally, things seem to be getting better. Even to the point of possibly canceling the one last surgery that the doctor was planning - it seems things might be suddenly self correcting. Maybe I've learned whatever it is the Gods have been trying to teach me, maybe it was just part of my grand reset (more on that in a moment). Whatever the case, I hope things are balanced out for a while. If they are, we'll be beginning the inVitro activities in March.
I have been guilty of faithlessness, probably for a long time. I pray for things all of the time and when I pray for others, I believe - without doubt - that the things I pray for will either happen or somehow work out for what's best for those people. When it comes to things that directly effect me, however, I forget to keep the same level of faith. For instance, I have prayed long and hard to become a homeowner. I've worked toward it for many years but always had an expectation that it was impossible. I've also prayed long (much longer than for a home) for a family. Well, I've been shown (My God has given my husband to me) and now, I've dropped the fear that having a baby is impossible. In fact, everything is seeming possible.
With all of the possibilities, I am finding the thing I've needed to keep looking forward to the future. I've regained the hope that I lost when I was diagnosed as infertile and I lost my Grandmother. Those two things hurt more than anything has ever hurt before and I've gotten lost trying to find something to spur my passion again. What I haven't found, is what that passion is. I used to be a certain way, thrilled as some things and finding fun in ways that don't seem so fun anymore. Nothing bad or hurtful, just different from now. So, I am on a mission to figure out who I am and make sure I'm happy about it.
Happiness is the journey to finding happiness!
I've managed by keeping lists and whining to friends; and of course, Jon has been a champion at pulling me out of the funk. Finally, things seem to be getting better. Even to the point of possibly canceling the one last surgery that the doctor was planning - it seems things might be suddenly self correcting. Maybe I've learned whatever it is the Gods have been trying to teach me, maybe it was just part of my grand reset (more on that in a moment). Whatever the case, I hope things are balanced out for a while. If they are, we'll be beginning the inVitro activities in March.
I have been guilty of faithlessness, probably for a long time. I pray for things all of the time and when I pray for others, I believe - without doubt - that the things I pray for will either happen or somehow work out for what's best for those people. When it comes to things that directly effect me, however, I forget to keep the same level of faith. For instance, I have prayed long and hard to become a homeowner. I've worked toward it for many years but always had an expectation that it was impossible. I've also prayed long (much longer than for a home) for a family. Well, I've been shown (My God has given my husband to me) and now, I've dropped the fear that having a baby is impossible. In fact, everything is seeming possible.
With all of the possibilities, I am finding the thing I've needed to keep looking forward to the future. I've regained the hope that I lost when I was diagnosed as infertile and I lost my Grandmother. Those two things hurt more than anything has ever hurt before and I've gotten lost trying to find something to spur my passion again. What I haven't found, is what that passion is. I used to be a certain way, thrilled as some things and finding fun in ways that don't seem so fun anymore. Nothing bad or hurtful, just different from now. So, I am on a mission to figure out who I am and make sure I'm happy about it.
Happiness is the journey to finding happiness!