(no subject)
This weekend was strange.
Saturday was...sloppy.
I deserve to get my phone taken away from me. In fact, someone please whip it across the continent I don't want it anymore. Alessia's house doesn't get service, yet I found the one spot to text him: I dont tink we shud talk nemore cuz of varips resons.
Typed just like that, too.
I just dont know what to do about this situation anymore. He has a girlfriend, I don't expect him to admit that he wants me or wants to be with me, but I expect something while I'm fumbling here like an idiot trying to make sense of it all. And then when i try to explain it to him, I can't. Because I'm trying to be as vague as I can while getting the message across, but how do you be vague with something like DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU DONT EVEN LIKE HER ANYMORE YOU WANT TO BE WiTH ME INSTEAD. You can't, and despite the fact that he keeps asking me to be truthful and honest, I can't tell him that. Because maybe he does want to be with her and he's just using to idle time, have someone fun to talk to, an alternative to non-single life.
Fuck, it's the same thing all the time. Of course, after I texted him that I dont want to talk to him, I said that I lied, that I missed him too much to stop talking to him. And he was reasonable as usual and said that he would talk to me when I was sober and to calm down, get myself sorted out. I didnt get calm. We blasted Heart by Stars and me and Alessia drunkenly sang along crying and upset. And then I typed to him Ruby Tuesday lyrics, because he once said that song reminded him of me. And proceeded to cry some more.
I dont even know anymore.
Saturday was...sloppy.
I deserve to get my phone taken away from me. In fact, someone please whip it across the continent I don't want it anymore. Alessia's house doesn't get service, yet I found the one spot to text him: I dont tink we shud talk nemore cuz of varips resons.
Typed just like that, too.
I just dont know what to do about this situation anymore. He has a girlfriend, I don't expect him to admit that he wants me or wants to be with me, but I expect something while I'm fumbling here like an idiot trying to make sense of it all. And then when i try to explain it to him, I can't. Because I'm trying to be as vague as I can while getting the message across, but how do you be vague with something like DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU DONT EVEN LIKE HER ANYMORE YOU WANT TO BE WiTH ME INSTEAD. You can't, and despite the fact that he keeps asking me to be truthful and honest, I can't tell him that. Because maybe he does want to be with her and he's just using to idle time, have someone fun to talk to, an alternative to non-single life.
Fuck, it's the same thing all the time. Of course, after I texted him that I dont want to talk to him, I said that I lied, that I missed him too much to stop talking to him. And he was reasonable as usual and said that he would talk to me when I was sober and to calm down, get myself sorted out. I didnt get calm. We blasted Heart by Stars and me and Alessia drunkenly sang along crying and upset. And then I typed to him Ruby Tuesday lyrics, because he once said that song reminded him of me. And proceeded to cry some more.
I dont even know anymore.