depression.
I suffer from holiday depression. I have for years. It's all too much. The perfect house, and tree, and meals and cards...and shopping for just the right gift. The thought of Christmas approaching immobilizes me.
This year I lost dad. ...and I lost Abby and i just don't have the holiday spirit and i don't expect it to show up. My aunt is in hospice and I still miss my mom with all of my heart.
There will be no tree unless someone comes over and helps me....and even then I won't want it because I won't have the energy or motivation to put it away at the end of the month. I'm certainly not doing cards. I'm making simple gifts. Our Christmas dinner with be simple. I think we will make cookies...that makes me happy.
Thanksgiving is this week and I know I have many things to be thankful for....and I am thankful....but the cloud of darkness is bigger. I don't want to cook, I don't want to travel. My sweet son suggested staying at home and eating ribs, watching 80's movies and playing dominoes...and in all honesty, that seemed do-able and brought me peace. It's not going to happen...but the idea of spending the day doing a small manageable meal with the people I love was a nice dream.
I know the opening to my post is a bit dark....but sometimes life is dark. Sometimes Christians get blue.
This season.....just keep in mind that some people are not feeling their best. ....they are overwhelmed and under-equipped on how to cope with their feeling. The have holes in their hearts and pretend smiles on their faces. So if people step on your toes or hurt your feelings, maybe you can give them a break...maybe they are doing the best they can.
