no name number 5.
Its 4:30 in the morning. I've come downstairs to work(thats right, i work and LIVE in the ITC building now). Im so furious. At my self AND this guy. I cant tell who i hate more.
If this was my own house I would take my anger out on the walls. on my own belongings. On my cheaply made doors and cabinets. But i cant punch anything, i dont own any of the walls or closets or anything. When i used to get angry at home i would destroy my closet doors, and it made me feel assertive. It made me feel like i dont let people walk over me everyday.
its nice to pretend isnt it?
So there is someone i hate. I dont really feel like mentioning his fucking name. I keep on having this reaccuring chaud-like day dream where i get to confront this guy. Tell him that he has disrespected me. That he is a little piece of shit, and then forcefully grab his shoulders and hit my head against his as hard a possible. I want my blood on him, and pummel the shit out of his face. I have the urge to show him that im better than him, and HE has nothing over me and can't possibly steal anything away from me.
but thats not me. i cant do it. who's bettter? the belligerant asshole who follows his rage? or me, ' doing the right thing'. Taking it. Walking away. Biting my tounge and pretending that there is no problem.
I've never felt so betrayed by my own personality. I feel unnatural.
please God, let me be hatefull and violent.
"... and when they clean the street i’ll be the only shit that’s left behind
won’t you follow me down to the rose parade?"
If this was my own house I would take my anger out on the walls. on my own belongings. On my cheaply made doors and cabinets. But i cant punch anything, i dont own any of the walls or closets or anything. When i used to get angry at home i would destroy my closet doors, and it made me feel assertive. It made me feel like i dont let people walk over me everyday.
its nice to pretend isnt it?
So there is someone i hate. I dont really feel like mentioning his fucking name. I keep on having this reaccuring chaud-like day dream where i get to confront this guy. Tell him that he has disrespected me. That he is a little piece of shit, and then forcefully grab his shoulders and hit my head against his as hard a possible. I want my blood on him, and pummel the shit out of his face. I have the urge to show him that im better than him, and HE has nothing over me and can't possibly steal anything away from me.
but thats not me. i cant do it. who's bettter? the belligerant asshole who follows his rage? or me, ' doing the right thing'. Taking it. Walking away. Biting my tounge and pretending that there is no problem.
I've never felt so betrayed by my own personality. I feel unnatural.
please God, let me be hatefull and violent.
"... and when they clean the street i’ll be the only shit that’s left behind
won’t you follow me down to the rose parade?"