OH BOY I FOUND IT! THE JAMIE SECTION!
i didnt delete it, i sent it to annie first:D here it is, bc i love it sooo much!
2. Reality Check
Growing up was the easy part, maintaining sanity through out the years is a little more difficult. Elementary school wasn’t branded in me, but these next few years would leave scars that wont ever leave me. Middle school was a totally different field. New people, new classes, new school, everything was new. I went from not caring what people thought about me, to suddenly being concerned with the little things, this is when I began to notice how cruel people can really be. I have never been one to follow the crowd, occasionally lead, but usually I go my own way, that is one thing I really respect about myself. My sixth grade year my best friend moved to California, so I was entering a school with nothing but pain for her absence. This caused a lot of hurt on me the first few weeks. You slowly start making new friends, I was in with an all new crowd. Middle school for me, was all about who you hung out with. I didn’t notice it until I was thirteen, and now three years later I see, this applies to every age. It’s all about who you are seen with. This disgusts me. I’ve never been one for stereotypes. It breaks my heart that in order to be liked you have to dress and act a certain way. All I ever hear is, “True beauty is on the inside.” We are all guilty of not looking for that, we all judge, judging in my eyes is an evil curse we are all set upon. I despise it. Seventh grade for me was all about new things. I began playing trumpet, I was first chair, and held that with honor. I didn’t ever think I let that go to my head, I hold that with great honor as well. This was the year I began working with special needs children, and the year I met someone who would change the way I looked at life completely. Her name was Jamie, and she was the definition of perfect in my eyes. My science teacher assigned me to help her in our class, she was always way behind, and she would get stressed, and she would break down, but she was so determined to pass that class. Her determination in life is something that inspires me in everything I do. She had brain cancer for I believe 13 years of her life. To us, something like that is absolutely devastating. But for her, it was a chance to do the things only we can dream of. It was her blessing, and it never once brought her down. I can’t stand when people say, “Oh you think you have it hard, look at people like her.” I hate it because it’s the most untrue thing I have ever heard. After spending 4 years with them, I realized something. They are happy being who they are, weather they can’t speak, or walk, or function “normally,” you won’t ever hear them complain. To me, they are everything we should strive to be. They don’t lie, or cheat, or steal, or lust. They are perfection. I find myself striving to be with them every minute I can. I find myself happiest when I am with them, in that time I am not judged, I am not hated, I am only loved and I am happy. With this great joy I have found in working with them, I have also been forced to experience loss. Its not just the fact that I lost one of my kids, it’s the fact that I have lost someone who helped shape my life. Its that emptiness you feel when everything you love is swept away from you. Jamie, her sophmore year, reached a point where her body couldn’t fight it off anymore. She didn’t lose the battle we call life, she won, because now there isn’t anymore chemotherapy to poison her body, and she doesn’t have to hide the pain she felt. She is that little blonde, curly-haired girl that loves tie-dyed tee shirts and loves everything about the 70’s. She is more beautiful than she ever was on this earth, if that’s possible. I thought her funeral would be absolutely tragic. I was wrong. It was a celebration of the wonderful life she lived. They played 70’s music, and people got up and spoke wonderful things about her. There were pictures everywhere. The whole funeral home was decked out in balloons, she loved balloons. At the end we all grabbed one and let them go together. It was a feeling I had never felt before. Loosing her was so hard on me, she was the reason I fell in love with these kids. But at that moment, looking up at all those balloons floating away, it was like she was telling me that she is going to be okay, and I knew that I would be too. All I would ever wish for anyone would to be happy, and now she is happier than she probably had ever been. I have her beautiful picture beside my bed, and as lame as this sounds, I talk to it sometimes. I tell her how much I love her, and miss her, and I ask her to watch over me. I know she is. I know I will see her again, and I will continue to look forward to that day the rest of my life.