Jokes I've Recieved In Email Instead Of Doing My Work...
A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate Funeral
by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge Heart... Covered in
flowers stood behind the casket during the service As all the doctors from
the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, The heart opened, and the
casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, Sealing the doctor in the
beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So, the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while, the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry', and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far, and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this, and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out, and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink!?'
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So, Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So, how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?" she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14".
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth, and said, " F *** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."
by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge Heart... Covered in
flowers stood behind the casket during the service As all the doctors from
the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, The heart opened, and the
casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, Sealing the doctor in the
beautiful heart forever..
At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint, when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So, the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while, the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry', and that he was going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far, and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this, and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile said that he had to check this out, and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude...
How much water did you drink!?'
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the Garage, 'Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?'
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, 'So, Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So, how come I make $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?" she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14".
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth, and said, " F *** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that, too."