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I've got to go study soon, but I just wanted to write a bit. I feel soooo blessed! I am learning so much when it comes to relationships. I think this year has been such a learning process when it comes to what it truley means to love others and learning patience and killing selfishness have been soo much more difficult than they have in years past. But, despite how uncomfortable it feels to realize just how little i know and just how broken our relationships can be, God has blessed me through this process with real, genuine, and sincere friendships...and of course these are all still developing. Coming back from Thailand, which is so hard to believe it was almost a year ago..this time last year I was getting shots and applying for my visa!..haha..i'm so bad when it comes to punctuation..guess that's why I like e.e. cummings so much. Anyways, coming back from Thailand really showed me how shallow I can let friendships become..and I hate to admit this because I am the type of the person who is very all or nothing..very passionate and not willing to give into the status quo...and I despise fluffy, meaningless talk that never gets personal..i really started to develop a hatred for this sort of hi, nice to meet you..how was your day?..how's life..sort of talk my freshman year when all everyone ever asked was your name, where you're from, what's your major. Not that these things aren't good to know or even good to ask someone..and not that I despised answering these questions..but when the conversation never moved forward it felt kind of akward and hum drum. I'm talking more about communication with people who aren't just aquaintences, where its sometimes so easy to just lazily not dig any deeper, don't allow conflict to ever come up, don't speak the truth in love even when it is uncomfortable, etc. I've realized how easy it is for me to be kind to people I don't see as often as it is to be to my sister or to my roomie and cousin, Jess...or to Tom, my boyfriend, who as I become more and more comfortable around..it becomes easier to take him forgranted. I am much more inclined to go out of my way for people I am not as close to and I really see how silly that is and how apathetic and lazy I've been this year at times. I am truley learning how to trust God with all aspects of my life and not compartmentalize and keep areas I think He wouldn't be concerned with all to myself. I've been affirmed several times that I am a loving and caring person...and I've foolishly made myself believe that I was in control of those characteristics. It's taken a lot, but I finally see that nothing good can come out of me without the help of the Father. If I am growing and developing the fruits of the spirit it is only because He has graciously revealed what a desperate state I am in apart from Him. I think for a while I actually didn't think I was too bad off..I had forgotten the truth that I am sinful. It is such a humbling thing to realize. And going from there...God has helped me to understand that through Christ I am completely and fully justified..I am righteous and forgiven. I am JUST now beginning to grasp that. And now, until I die, I am in a continual process of becoming more like Christ..of growing in holiness...of killing my desire to sin..of having my mind renewed and my life changed..of being sanctified..and the process continues until I meet Jesus face to face.
whew..that was a mouthful..
whew..that was a mouthful..