Friday Five: Firsts
https://thefridayfive.dreamwidth.org/85706.html
1. Do you remember when you were first addressed as sir or ma'am?
Not at all. I'd expect 'sir' from people like police or airport security, so I've definitely experienced it but it's not a default form of address for me (or I assume, other people in the UK). I don't remember every being ma'am'ed.
I do remember someone saying to her young child, can you let the "gentleman" (or possibly just "man") past, that was an occasion when I was clearly referred to as an adult. But I was over 30, it clearly just didn't come up that much. I'm not sure what the equivalent "being addresses as an adult" would be, though I assume it would have happened in my late teens.
I still have great difficulty *expecting* to be treated as an adult, even though I'm past mid-thirties, I feel like I still expect other people to tell me I'm wrong.
2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?
I don't think I ever thought about it till just now, although I used both terms sometimes. Now I'm not sure. Is it just that "childish" is "like a child in a negative way" and "childlike" is "like a child" neutrally? I can definitely point to specific behaviours I think of both ways, like over-emotional responses to being denied something vs being amazed by things, but I'm not sure what generalisation to draw.
3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?
Oh gosh. I still don't feel very certain of it. Probably the first time I went away without my parents, or went out and about without my parents, felt grown up.
Or later, when I got to know 20-year-olds and realised that some time as an adult had taught me basic life skills, book-keeping, housework, social competence, that even though I didn't feel at all capable of running my life, I was a lot further forward in "if you had to pick someone to be in charge in this situation, would it be you" than I'd realised.
4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?
See above -- I remember some landmarks, but I was so quiet as a child I was never *eager* to achieve major landmarks the way many people are. I guess times I remember, first time walking literally anywhere without my parents, first time walking home from school by myself[1], first time sleeping away from home, first time living away from home. Oh, and driving and going places by myself, I remember that being quite interesting.
[1] I know everyone knows this already, but my experience was it being some time during primary school, and by secondary school that being what everyone did, and I'm annoyed that society has started trusting children so much less, I think you can have the safety improvements without that.
5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?
I am really fortunate, but in ways that make this question quite boring: I didn't really know what I wanted, so I fell into habits and rarely let myself really want something, so I had all the basics of food etc, but rarely sought out other things. So I didn't have the drive or necessity to get a teenage job like most people did, and when I did get some jobs[1], the money just stayed in savings and there wasn't anything I was desperate to buy with it. It took me years to learn when it *was* sensible to spend money, even though on necessities I was fortunate enough to just be able to spend the money without worrying if there was enough.
[1] In retrospect, I should think of those as fairly successful experiences. I don't think I achieved anything worthwhile, which made me tend to discount them, but now I think I pretty much had to experience some big projects without decisively successful outcomes as a learning experience, and getting through that was progress, not a mistake.
You can also comment at https://jack.dreamwidth.org/1096292.html using OpenID.
comments so far.
1. Do you remember when you were first addressed as sir or ma'am?
Not at all. I'd expect 'sir' from people like police or airport security, so I've definitely experienced it but it's not a default form of address for me (or I assume, other people in the UK). I don't remember every being ma'am'ed.
I do remember someone saying to her young child, can you let the "gentleman" (or possibly just "man") past, that was an occasion when I was clearly referred to as an adult. But I was over 30, it clearly just didn't come up that much. I'm not sure what the equivalent "being addresses as an adult" would be, though I assume it would have happened in my late teens.
I still have great difficulty *expecting* to be treated as an adult, even though I'm past mid-thirties, I feel like I still expect other people to tell me I'm wrong.
2. Do you remember when you first realized the difference between being childish and childlike?
I don't think I ever thought about it till just now, although I used both terms sometimes. Now I'm not sure. Is it just that "childish" is "like a child in a negative way" and "childlike" is "like a child" neutrally? I can definitely point to specific behaviours I think of both ways, like over-emotional responses to being denied something vs being amazed by things, but I'm not sure what generalisation to draw.
3. Do you remember the first time you realized you were more adult than child?
Oh gosh. I still don't feel very certain of it. Probably the first time I went away without my parents, or went out and about without my parents, felt grown up.
Or later, when I got to know 20-year-olds and realised that some time as an adult had taught me basic life skills, book-keeping, housework, social competence, that even though I didn't feel at all capable of running my life, I was a lot further forward in "if you had to pick someone to be in charge in this situation, would it be you" than I'd realised.
4. Do you remember your first taste of major independence?
See above -- I remember some landmarks, but I was so quiet as a child I was never *eager* to achieve major landmarks the way many people are. I guess times I remember, first time walking literally anywhere without my parents, first time walking home from school by myself[1], first time sleeping away from home, first time living away from home. Oh, and driving and going places by myself, I remember that being quite interesting.
[1] I know everyone knows this already, but my experience was it being some time during primary school, and by secondary school that being what everyone did, and I'm annoyed that society has started trusting children so much less, I think you can have the safety improvements without that.
5. Do you remember what you bought with your first paycheck?
I am really fortunate, but in ways that make this question quite boring: I didn't really know what I wanted, so I fell into habits and rarely let myself really want something, so I had all the basics of food etc, but rarely sought out other things. So I didn't have the drive or necessity to get a teenage job like most people did, and when I did get some jobs[1], the money just stayed in savings and there wasn't anything I was desperate to buy with it. It took me years to learn when it *was* sensible to spend money, even though on necessities I was fortunate enough to just be able to spend the money without worrying if there was enough.
[1] In retrospect, I should think of those as fairly successful experiences. I don't think I achieved anything worthwhile, which made me tend to discount them, but now I think I pretty much had to experience some big projects without decisively successful outcomes as a learning experience, and getting through that was progress, not a mistake.
You can also comment at https://jack.dreamwidth.org/1096292.html using OpenID.
comments so far.