An 'oh shit' realization

[carrotcake10684]

So I've been sitting here for an hour and a half, staring at my Spanish homework, but I can't do it. I can't concentrate on it. I just had a realization about myself. Nathan and I were talking on AIM, and I realized that my problem in that relationship is me. I need to get over myself before I can get close to anyone. I get so caught up in the

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[loonylupinlover]

I don't think you've been able to read my posts about me and Ben (I friends-lock them to spare people the mushiness), but in them I'm constantly musing about how for all my whining about not being in a relationship, I really wasn't ready to be in one before he and I started dating. Why? Because I wasn't a whole person yet, I wasn't satisfied being who I was on my own. Now I'm happy with myself, I'm happy with who I am, and I'm not lacking anything. I have friends and family who love me and I love myself, and once I'd achieved that, when I started getting feelings for Ben, I was able to really give myself over to him. To make one and one equal two, both people have to be complete (not necessarily FINISHED, because of course I'm not finished, but they have to be fulfilled at that point in time) -- one can't be .75 and the other .89 and still have them add up quite right.

So yeah... Annie has to equal one before she can help equal two, basically.

I'm glad you've made this realization and that you're able to take a step forward. Good luck with all of this. *hugs*