my TIVO wanted to watch Oprah

[carrot_carrot]

Act I

scene i.

[[Curtain up on a darkened stage. Two teenagers, MARIANNE and ADAM are sitting on a couch center stage, watching TV. MARIANNE controls the remote and flicks through the channels quickly. Both are silent for a moment, until ADAM begins to speak to the audience. This is our narration.]

ADAM: I've known Marianne all my life, and yes, she has always been this restless. When we were three she wandered off in the middle of a grocery store and ended up eating an apple in the produce section. When we were twelve she _________. When we were sixteen, she failed her driver's exam three times for speeding. So I guess you could say there was a bit of a precedent when one day she turned to me and said --

MARIANNE: Baby, I think I'm gonna run away.

[ADAM reaches over to snatch the remote from her.]

ADAM: Go for it. Send me a postcard from somewhere.

MARIANNE: Fuck you, Adam Phelps, you would be so lost without me.

[MARIANNE reaches for the remote and a scuffle ensues. MARIANNE is victorious and delighted, sprawled across ADAM. There is a brief moment in which they pause and look at each other. ADAM leans in slightly as if to kiss her, but MARIANNE pulls away.]

MARIANNE: You would be so lost without me.

ADAM: You're right. Who else would make me watch Soap Network. C'mon, Marianne, change it.

[ADAM reaches for the remote again, but MARIANNE pulls away from him.]

MARIANNE: No. And shhh, I like this episode.

[They lapse into silence. MARIANNE watches the TV, and ADAM pretends to watch, occasionally taking sidelong looks at MARIANNE, who does not notice.]

ADAM: Are you really gonna run away?

MARIANNE: That's what I said, isn't it?

ADAM: Yeah, but you say a bunch of shit.

MARIANNE: I do not!

ADAM: Remember the time we were going to let out all the birds at the zoo?

MARIANNE: It rained, Adam. You can't let birds out in the rain. What's wrong with you?

[Silence.]

ADAM: I don't even know, Marianne.

[Again, silence.]

ADAM: [trying to appear uninterested] So...where are you going to run away to?

MARIANNE: I don't know, babe, wherever I feel like. That's the beauty of running away, you know?

[Silence.]

ADAM: So you really don't know where you're going?

MARIANNE: If you wanna come with me, baby, you just have to say.

ADAM: There's no way in hell I'm getting in a car with your crazy ass behind the wheel.

MARIANNE: You're gonna be so lost without me, babe.

[ADAM steals the remote and changes the channel. MARIANNE again has no problems climbing right into his lap and taking it back. And again, ADAM leans up to kiss her, but MARIANNE tugs away.]

MARIANNE: I've got a boyfriend, remember?

ADAM: [defeated, disgusted] Yeah.

MARIANNE: [flippant] Sorry babe.

[Another quiet settles over them. ADAM tries not to look hurt, MARIANNE goes back to watching TV.]

ADAM: ...Do you know when you're going?

MARIANNE: Not a clue, baby. Not one clue.

[They fall into silence. End scene.]

scene ii.

[Lights up on a the same room in the same apartment building. It's day now, and the plain furnishings of the rest of the room can be seen, as well as through an open doorway into the kitchen. ADAM and MARIANNE enter stage left almost immediately, carrying backpacks and notebooks. They have just gotten out of school. They begin walking stage right, throwing their things down. MARIANNE settles on the couch casually, tiredly, and ADAM walks around behind her, taking off his shoes, eating a piece of bread from the kitchen, and other menial tasks. As he does, he narrates.]

ADAM: That had been in March. I remember because I had just turned eighteen. I'm older than Marianne by almost two months exactly, and she hated it, especially when I was finally eighteen and she wasn't. When I was grown up and she wasn't. Marianne spent all of those two months starting her sentences with --

MARIANNE: [dutifully, trancelike] Baby, when I'm eighteen...

ADAM: -- and finishing them with --

MARIANNE: ...I'm going to start smoking.

ADAM: -- or --

MARIANNE: ...you're taking me dancing.

ADAM: -- or --

MARIANNE: [even more distant, a farseeing look in her eye] ...things are going to be different.

ADAM: And every time, I'd just nod and say okay. [pauses and looks directly into the audience.] She's not the type of girl you say no to.

[Monologue over, ADAM continues over to nudge MARIANNE's feet out of his way and sits down on the couch.]

MARIANNE: Baby, when I'm eighteen, things are going to be so different.

ADAM: Okay. [pause.] You only have the rest of today to wait.

MARIANNE: The rest of the day is taking too long.

ADAM: [after another pause.] Are you going to let me take you to dinner tomorrow?

MARIANNE: Anywhere I want?

ADAM: Sure.

MARIANNE: [with a sadistic sort of smirk.] You're too late, baby, I've already got a dinner date.

ADAM: [was not expecting that. struggles to keep the hurt off his face.] Oh.

[There's another pause. ADAM seems to be struggling with himself, MARIANNE is smiling sweetly at him, biting her bottom lip, deliberately toying with him.]

ADAM: [attempting to sound casual] Lunch, then?

MARIANNE: Anywhere I want?

ADAM: Anywhere you want.

MARIANNE: I think I can fit you in, sure.

[ADAM reaches over her to get the remote, MARIANNE grabs his wrist and takes it from his hand. She giggles, and turns the TV on. End scene.]

scene iii.

[Scene opens again on ADAM's living room, the same glow from the television as the first scene. The couch is now devoid of MARIANNE, however, and ADAM is seated in the middle, staring straight ahead as he ignores his parents fighting behind him, though their shouts are quite audible. When his narration begins, they are muted, becoming helpless parodies of themselves as they rant and rave, eventually coming to blows.]

ADAM:

last edit: 5.1.08 to redo the opening monologue and scene i. scene ii needs expansion.