(no subject)
"the [melancholy] is palpable. it is."
so, i was rejected from emerson. i still have two schools to hear from... but i've never felt like more of a loser. and maybe i wasnt meant to go grad school... and maybe i was. all i know is that receiving a rejection letter from the school that i really wanted to go to was not easy. i guess that i'm spoiled. afterall, i got in everywhere i applied from undergrad, even though i didnt think that i would or could. maybe now is the time for rejection... but right now, is the winter of my discontent.
__________________
about 3 years ago a friend told me that vitamin B helps with depression. ive been on and off of it for those three years. i started it again last night... ive become so sad and such a recluse that it's beginning to scare me. i dont know what i want from life anymore. sometimes im not even sure that i want to live it... at least not unhappily. but, how do you change what has become second nature for you? and what if you really dont even want to...? especially because you know running away wont solve the problem that is, or really, problems that are.
so, like i said... "the [melancholy] is palpable. it is."
__________________
so many people believe in me. when did i stop believing in myself?
so, i was rejected from emerson. i still have two schools to hear from... but i've never felt like more of a loser. and maybe i wasnt meant to go grad school... and maybe i was. all i know is that receiving a rejection letter from the school that i really wanted to go to was not easy. i guess that i'm spoiled. afterall, i got in everywhere i applied from undergrad, even though i didnt think that i would or could. maybe now is the time for rejection... but right now, is the winter of my discontent.
__________________
about 3 years ago a friend told me that vitamin B helps with depression. ive been on and off of it for those three years. i started it again last night... ive become so sad and such a recluse that it's beginning to scare me. i dont know what i want from life anymore. sometimes im not even sure that i want to live it... at least not unhappily. but, how do you change what has become second nature for you? and what if you really dont even want to...? especially because you know running away wont solve the problem that is, or really, problems that are.
so, like i said... "the [melancholy] is palpable. it is."
__________________
so many people believe in me. when did i stop believing in myself?