(no subject)
Caroline Annalise Linden has a favorite saying," Life is a movie...direct it well..." Something tells me its time to fire the assistant director and time to take back the director's chair and take back control of this elaborate script of life
What went through my mind when I went and made this pretty weird status of mine? Well where to start. After all when's the last time I had such a crisis in life that I was forced to turn to my live journal of all things. Seriously, where should or even can one even start with the debacle of this script, and when did I get thrown out of my director's chair and this weird assistant director come and sit themselves on it.
How long have I let my personal film be in the hands of someone else. Whether it be assistant director or any other part of my crew? My producers? Hell they're in so much drama its not even funny. Ugh. Drama. Whata dirty dirty word thats become.. seriously. The hell thats begining to occur on my film set is just not ok.
Not. Ok.
My lighting crew, my sound crew, pfft, I've never really cared about them anyway, you know, you can't control the weather or the people around you, the extras and the occasional sounds which come about them. The main actors...? Well most are or have the tendency to become hell to work with but nonetheless they're essential for any movie to work without them there is no movie.
You know. It's weird how in my way of thinking this film has become so convulated and confusing and not the same kind of film I thought was going to be made. As I've grown in life so has my script. The different characters, the different plots, the ups the downs... the plot twists... the endings of some... the beginnings of more plots... the loves...the hates... the fears...the braves... the changes... who knew this was going to occur.
My graduation cake had the saying " Act 1 Scene 2- Graduation and beyond..." Makes me wonder what Act 3 is going to bring... The strange things that have occured since I was thurst into this new set, and my director's chair has been collecting dust and webs as some unknown entity has been in control of my film.
Who knew when this occured. Pfft. its pretty likely it was when the first major plot twist, the return of my very first antagonist ever from a self imposed exile and the emergence of a new villain, a villain which I was not thinking I'd ever end up confronting on my own.
Who knew a reflection could be so dangerous. So terrifying.
So... frightening...
What had I become... what was I going to become... I was a slave to my own fears my own insecurites my endless flaws. Would I really have ended up like the characters of my imagination... at that point who knew. So I made a decision looking into that piece of glass that night, that I wouldn't become what my fears would condemn me into being. Wouldn't turn me into a doll or a puppet of someone else. An independent free thinker, someone who would make a difference in life and for once not stay modestly silent.
Silent. Like the doll I was, the strings on me guiding me in 2twenty different directions, being pulled by my kin, and all the other slight pulls in all other directions, watching waiting for someone else to look the other way so they could pull a little harder, a little faster and condemn me into being their own creature.
It was hard at first. Coming to that realization and the horrors that would come with it.
So I made the decision to change it. Even artificially. The mask I put on every day would become physical. Who knew who the real me was, hell it still is unknown to this day, it'll probably never be known but hey thats what acting is for right? The ability to put on a show, a show of real life couldn't be that different. I'd mastered it for four years.... what made Scene 2 so different than Scene 1?
So I went through a costume change.
A literal one.
What went through my mother's mind when she saw me for the first time hacking off my golden locks and replacing them with fiery ones. A fiery color which didn't match the script's portrayal.
Heh ever heard of Re writes bitch.
Which was what I pulled. A complete overhaul of a script I didn't want. Why settle for a B-movie when there's a way to make an Oscar out of this wreck.
So when, in this long process of rewriting, of kicking some characters to the curb and adding new ones, better and more real characters, a more deep and interesting take on a life I wanted not the life anyone else had planned for me.
WHo knew the shit that was going to start cause of it... the absolute rebellion and attempts to curb it by those so unwilling to deal with rewrites. Of having the delight of telling some personally it was goodbye, of others the awkward realization of what others had seen all along and tried to warn me about but hey the producers had always told me to ignore it or that did't go with the script.
You know... even though somewhere along the line I knew I'd end up having more or less no choice but to surrender part of my directing powers to someone else... but... didn't think it'd be this fast.
The different antagonists were no match for this one, that damned dark cloud which followed me everywhere, that thing which always made my scrip[t get fucking blotches or typo's all over it. Hell I know through out that damn script has typo's all over it but still, this damned thing. It was a mistake of trying to overcome it so quickly, of co letely shedding my little shell and leaving myself exposed to stuff I'd never been allowed to before... it was a foolish stupid mistake...
But like hell I'm taking it back.
Sure. My scripts gone off the deep end again, writer's block sucks, and when you don't know what to do about certain situations its sometimes easier to just skip to a new scene and go back to that one before it. But you can't do that in real life. As much as I compare real life to a giant film set, its not. I can't just scream " CUT!" and then " Ok take one sucked time for take 2!" It'd be nice but seriously not going to happen. Who knows where this drama is going to take us, this stupid silly drama which is just one part of this huge elaborate plot where unfortunately there are no "spoilers" available. It'd be great but hell that'd made life just too damn easy wouldn't it. Funny how I can go off into these sorts of things on something like this but i can't in real life. Guess my screenwriter sucks. I'll have to hire a new one. heh. Wouldn't that be nice.
Life is like a movie... direct it well...
Well seeing as this scene is almost done and the new one will start soon enough guess I got to get cracking on it.
What went through my mind when I went and made this pretty weird status of mine? Well where to start. After all when's the last time I had such a crisis in life that I was forced to turn to my live journal of all things. Seriously, where should or even can one even start with the debacle of this script, and when did I get thrown out of my director's chair and this weird assistant director come and sit themselves on it.
How long have I let my personal film be in the hands of someone else. Whether it be assistant director or any other part of my crew? My producers? Hell they're in so much drama its not even funny. Ugh. Drama. Whata dirty dirty word thats become.. seriously. The hell thats begining to occur on my film set is just not ok.
Not. Ok.
My lighting crew, my sound crew, pfft, I've never really cared about them anyway, you know, you can't control the weather or the people around you, the extras and the occasional sounds which come about them. The main actors...? Well most are or have the tendency to become hell to work with but nonetheless they're essential for any movie to work without them there is no movie.
You know. It's weird how in my way of thinking this film has become so convulated and confusing and not the same kind of film I thought was going to be made. As I've grown in life so has my script. The different characters, the different plots, the ups the downs... the plot twists... the endings of some... the beginnings of more plots... the loves...the hates... the fears...the braves... the changes... who knew this was going to occur.
My graduation cake had the saying " Act 1 Scene 2- Graduation and beyond..." Makes me wonder what Act 3 is going to bring... The strange things that have occured since I was thurst into this new set, and my director's chair has been collecting dust and webs as some unknown entity has been in control of my film.
Who knew when this occured. Pfft. its pretty likely it was when the first major plot twist, the return of my very first antagonist ever from a self imposed exile and the emergence of a new villain, a villain which I was not thinking I'd ever end up confronting on my own.
Who knew a reflection could be so dangerous. So terrifying.
So... frightening...
What had I become... what was I going to become... I was a slave to my own fears my own insecurites my endless flaws. Would I really have ended up like the characters of my imagination... at that point who knew. So I made a decision looking into that piece of glass that night, that I wouldn't become what my fears would condemn me into being. Wouldn't turn me into a doll or a puppet of someone else. An independent free thinker, someone who would make a difference in life and for once not stay modestly silent.
Silent. Like the doll I was, the strings on me guiding me in 2twenty different directions, being pulled by my kin, and all the other slight pulls in all other directions, watching waiting for someone else to look the other way so they could pull a little harder, a little faster and condemn me into being their own creature.
It was hard at first. Coming to that realization and the horrors that would come with it.
So I made the decision to change it. Even artificially. The mask I put on every day would become physical. Who knew who the real me was, hell it still is unknown to this day, it'll probably never be known but hey thats what acting is for right? The ability to put on a show, a show of real life couldn't be that different. I'd mastered it for four years.... what made Scene 2 so different than Scene 1?
So I went through a costume change.
A literal one.
What went through my mother's mind when she saw me for the first time hacking off my golden locks and replacing them with fiery ones. A fiery color which didn't match the script's portrayal.
Heh ever heard of Re writes bitch.
Which was what I pulled. A complete overhaul of a script I didn't want. Why settle for a B-movie when there's a way to make an Oscar out of this wreck.
So when, in this long process of rewriting, of kicking some characters to the curb and adding new ones, better and more real characters, a more deep and interesting take on a life I wanted not the life anyone else had planned for me.
WHo knew the shit that was going to start cause of it... the absolute rebellion and attempts to curb it by those so unwilling to deal with rewrites. Of having the delight of telling some personally it was goodbye, of others the awkward realization of what others had seen all along and tried to warn me about but hey the producers had always told me to ignore it or that did't go with the script.
You know... even though somewhere along the line I knew I'd end up having more or less no choice but to surrender part of my directing powers to someone else... but... didn't think it'd be this fast.
The different antagonists were no match for this one, that damned dark cloud which followed me everywhere, that thing which always made my scrip[t get fucking blotches or typo's all over it. Hell I know through out that damn script has typo's all over it but still, this damned thing. It was a mistake of trying to overcome it so quickly, of co letely shedding my little shell and leaving myself exposed to stuff I'd never been allowed to before... it was a foolish stupid mistake...
But like hell I'm taking it back.
Sure. My scripts gone off the deep end again, writer's block sucks, and when you don't know what to do about certain situations its sometimes easier to just skip to a new scene and go back to that one before it. But you can't do that in real life. As much as I compare real life to a giant film set, its not. I can't just scream " CUT!" and then " Ok take one sucked time for take 2!" It'd be nice but seriously not going to happen. Who knows where this drama is going to take us, this stupid silly drama which is just one part of this huge elaborate plot where unfortunately there are no "spoilers" available. It'd be great but hell that'd made life just too damn easy wouldn't it. Funny how I can go off into these sorts of things on something like this but i can't in real life. Guess my screenwriter sucks. I'll have to hire a new one. heh. Wouldn't that be nice.
Life is like a movie... direct it well...
Well seeing as this scene is almost done and the new one will start soon enough guess I got to get cracking on it.