How I feel
it's the second time this week.
i am an attention deficit robot..
cleaning, sorting, busily being busy...
a shifting moment lapses.
i am under the impression i am alone..
pondering, looking, thinking a bit harder...
minutes are measured in silence.
i am internally frantically afraid..
searching, calling, worrying under control...
unknown amounts of hours have turned.
i am out $150 and more emotional change..
running, scanning, opening closed doors...
This is not good when i cant even finish a gay poem. when i cant focus on cleaning my room. when im having conversations about my coworker's nipple. when im telling my middle school friends who im in love with. when im happy that he doesnt really love her. when my cat runs away even though i find him. when my roommate goes psychotic. when my friends forget about me. when my mom doesnt call me back and my other mom takes me to dinner and my mom wants to go out but then cancels when im washing my face. when someone tells me i look like a slice of pie. when my left eye itches like crazy. when i get the urge to buy inspirational posters with images of whales and windsurfers with words like 'determination' and 'giving a care.'when there's nothing on my mind but lavender and nag champa. when i finally hang up my smile empty soul picture. when i have to ask josh how to be a grown up. when i tell quin quin's dad he's in pensacola boneing sakura. when i miss iz. and when i miss brizz. when i call and then hang up after 2 rings because i have nothing to say. when you call me back and i say it was an accident. when i miss out on what couldve been an awesome time but i was forgotten. when i cry about stupid shit while typing a livejournal entry. when i want to do some blow because i think i look like an addict already. and my teeth fucking hurt so why the fuck not. when pop ups are titled "stop popups now." when i just notice one of my keys says "fuel." when i have nothing to do but rub proactiv on my face. when i have no one to talk to. when i half wish i owned a nicholas cage movie so i could see you again. when i try hard not to think about you because if i do, i'll cry. when i cry because ive failed miserably at not thinking about you. when thoughts of you open floodgates in my heart. when i hear people talking about not believing in God. when i listen to them say there is no heaven. when they dont realize that means i'll never see you again. when they break my heart with emotionless theory. when philosophy is the stuff that makes you go "hmmm." when my millionaire in training sign is face down. when my eye still fucking itches. when i decide to let you in on my stream of consciousness. when i have too many shoes and none to wear. when you decide whether its cupids kiss or sunspots. when im awake when i want to be awake in 6 hours. when im dying to be there but i'd pay to stay away. when it's time to molt but i cant. when the chicadee hops near to me. when chucks without socks are sexy. when you let my cat out and you dont fucking care. when i wish i had a gun to go for. when i find myself lying on the cold floor. when i rhyme and dont mean to. when im not dr fucking seuss. when i see myself saying nothing but no thanks. when you dont understand why i never call. when i starve myself unless you feed me. when i miss the big sale at winn-dixie. when i just want to go away. when i think you dont deserve to know anymore. when ive released enough of me into the www. when it's over.
i am an attention deficit robot..
cleaning, sorting, busily being busy...
a shifting moment lapses.
i am under the impression i am alone..
pondering, looking, thinking a bit harder...
minutes are measured in silence.
i am internally frantically afraid..
searching, calling, worrying under control...
unknown amounts of hours have turned.
i am out $150 and more emotional change..
running, scanning, opening closed doors...
This is not good when i cant even finish a gay poem. when i cant focus on cleaning my room. when im having conversations about my coworker's nipple. when im telling my middle school friends who im in love with. when im happy that he doesnt really love her. when my cat runs away even though i find him. when my roommate goes psychotic. when my friends forget about me. when my mom doesnt call me back and my other mom takes me to dinner and my mom wants to go out but then cancels when im washing my face. when someone tells me i look like a slice of pie. when my left eye itches like crazy. when i get the urge to buy inspirational posters with images of whales and windsurfers with words like 'determination' and 'giving a care.'when there's nothing on my mind but lavender and nag champa. when i finally hang up my smile empty soul picture. when i have to ask josh how to be a grown up. when i tell quin quin's dad he's in pensacola boneing sakura. when i miss iz. and when i miss brizz. when i call and then hang up after 2 rings because i have nothing to say. when you call me back and i say it was an accident. when i miss out on what couldve been an awesome time but i was forgotten. when i cry about stupid shit while typing a livejournal entry. when i want to do some blow because i think i look like an addict already. and my teeth fucking hurt so why the fuck not. when pop ups are titled "stop popups now." when i just notice one of my keys says "fuel." when i have nothing to do but rub proactiv on my face. when i have no one to talk to. when i half wish i owned a nicholas cage movie so i could see you again. when i try hard not to think about you because if i do, i'll cry. when i cry because ive failed miserably at not thinking about you. when thoughts of you open floodgates in my heart. when i hear people talking about not believing in God. when i listen to them say there is no heaven. when they dont realize that means i'll never see you again. when they break my heart with emotionless theory. when philosophy is the stuff that makes you go "hmmm." when my millionaire in training sign is face down. when my eye still fucking itches. when i decide to let you in on my stream of consciousness. when i have too many shoes and none to wear. when you decide whether its cupids kiss or sunspots. when im awake when i want to be awake in 6 hours. when im dying to be there but i'd pay to stay away. when it's time to molt but i cant. when the chicadee hops near to me. when chucks without socks are sexy. when you let my cat out and you dont fucking care. when i wish i had a gun to go for. when i find myself lying on the cold floor. when i rhyme and dont mean to. when im not dr fucking seuss. when i see myself saying nothing but no thanks. when you dont understand why i never call. when i starve myself unless you feed me. when i miss the big sale at winn-dixie. when i just want to go away. when i think you dont deserve to know anymore. when ive released enough of me into the www. when it's over.