shit is gonna hit the fan
Please don't read too much into this entry...i'm tired, cranky, frustrated, pissy, and i have a terrible headache.
With as much as i have been excited about christmas, i'm fearing it like none other as it gets closer. I am fearing disaster. Why? you ask...let me tell you
*my parents don't know about my sister being 5 months pregnant. That ain't gonna be a pretty day. I've begged my sister not to tell them until after christmas, but we'll see if she holds out. not only do i want to save christmas, but my dad isn't in the best of health right now. News like this could be extremely dangerous. But my sister is my sister and for some reason, i feel like she actually gets a thrill out of disappointing us. Seriously, when she tells me things, she giggles like it's some big joke. That girl!
*My grandmother knows about my sister. And she' planning a big christmas dinner so that my sister's fuckhead of a boyfriend can go. He's not welcome at my parents' house, so my grandmother feels the need to make sure he is in the family. So basically, my grandmother is inviting everybody to her house for christmas dinner except my parents and me. Lovely gesture of the christmas spirit, right?
*I'm frustrated in that i thought i'd have a christmas sweetheart. doesn't look like that's gonna work out. But like Chesh said, there are many, many, many more guys out there. Who's to say that this guy was THE one? And if he was THE one, he wouldn't be treating me like this. I'm just pissed b/c i put so much effort, care and time into him, just to have it burn me.
*I hate my neighbors, they seriously (and i'm not exaggerating one bit) kept me up until 5:30am!!! Which explains my lovely mood and the headache i have from sleeping on my couch. So they stayed up until the sun came up, but do you think they slept in? NO!!! Up at 10:30. Along with my alarming going off at 7:15, my sister calling me at 10, the house phone ringing and UPS showing up (all before 11am) i got so little sleep!
On a much more positive note, the best thing i can say about life right now is that i appreciate my friends so much. Seriously, without the few who have been helping me through this week, i don't know what i'd do. And the ones who have helped me through this week have been friends who i never would have expected. Life is nothing without friends! I owe so much to the 3 guys who have been my saving grace this week...Jeff, Chesh and Chris. Chris is the biggest surprise. Honestly, haven't talked to the guy since october, haven't had any desire to, but he called last night. We chatted about life, old times, and he gave me some advice. It was really neat. For the first time, i talked to him as my friend, not as my ex. It was nice to talk to someone who knows me so well. He could honestly look at my situation and give me advice that he knew i could do. And, Chesh...what a good guy! The perfect distraction from a bad day. I never thought dinner, beer and cake would be such a good heart ache reliever. And Jeff, another great guy who can give me advice that i can follow through with. I just don't know what to say about him. I never expected our friendship to be this strong.
To my friends:
"...Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
No one thought i was good enough for you, expect for you
Don't let them be right after all that we've been through
Somewhere over that rainbow, there's a place for me, a place with you
Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
In every frame upon our wall lies a face that's seen it all
Ups and downs and then more downs, we helped each other off of the ground
No one knows what we've been through
Making it, ain't making it without you
Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive..."
With as much as i have been excited about christmas, i'm fearing it like none other as it gets closer. I am fearing disaster. Why? you ask...let me tell you
*my parents don't know about my sister being 5 months pregnant. That ain't gonna be a pretty day. I've begged my sister not to tell them until after christmas, but we'll see if she holds out. not only do i want to save christmas, but my dad isn't in the best of health right now. News like this could be extremely dangerous. But my sister is my sister and for some reason, i feel like she actually gets a thrill out of disappointing us. Seriously, when she tells me things, she giggles like it's some big joke. That girl!
*My grandmother knows about my sister. And she' planning a big christmas dinner so that my sister's fuckhead of a boyfriend can go. He's not welcome at my parents' house, so my grandmother feels the need to make sure he is in the family. So basically, my grandmother is inviting everybody to her house for christmas dinner except my parents and me. Lovely gesture of the christmas spirit, right?
*I'm frustrated in that i thought i'd have a christmas sweetheart. doesn't look like that's gonna work out. But like Chesh said, there are many, many, many more guys out there. Who's to say that this guy was THE one? And if he was THE one, he wouldn't be treating me like this. I'm just pissed b/c i put so much effort, care and time into him, just to have it burn me.
*I hate my neighbors, they seriously (and i'm not exaggerating one bit) kept me up until 5:30am!!! Which explains my lovely mood and the headache i have from sleeping on my couch. So they stayed up until the sun came up, but do you think they slept in? NO!!! Up at 10:30. Along with my alarming going off at 7:15, my sister calling me at 10, the house phone ringing and UPS showing up (all before 11am) i got so little sleep!
On a much more positive note, the best thing i can say about life right now is that i appreciate my friends so much. Seriously, without the few who have been helping me through this week, i don't know what i'd do. And the ones who have helped me through this week have been friends who i never would have expected. Life is nothing without friends! I owe so much to the 3 guys who have been my saving grace this week...Jeff, Chesh and Chris. Chris is the biggest surprise. Honestly, haven't talked to the guy since october, haven't had any desire to, but he called last night. We chatted about life, old times, and he gave me some advice. It was really neat. For the first time, i talked to him as my friend, not as my ex. It was nice to talk to someone who knows me so well. He could honestly look at my situation and give me advice that he knew i could do. And, Chesh...what a good guy! The perfect distraction from a bad day. I never thought dinner, beer and cake would be such a good heart ache reliever. And Jeff, another great guy who can give me advice that i can follow through with. I just don't know what to say about him. I never expected our friendship to be this strong.
To my friends:
"...Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
No one thought i was good enough for you, expect for you
Don't let them be right after all that we've been through
Somewhere over that rainbow, there's a place for me, a place with you
Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
In every frame upon our wall lies a face that's seen it all
Ups and downs and then more downs, we helped each other off of the ground
No one knows what we've been through
Making it, ain't making it without you
Maybe i'm not, but you're all i've got left to believe in
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive
I know that it's been hard and it's been a long time coming
Don't give up on me, i'm about to come alive..."