oh mama i love you
i talked to my dad about me moving out last night.
he was totally pissed off..."you're not moving out until you graduate no matter what." when i told him i wanted to he went off. he was mean "you wont make it, you can barely get yourself up in the morning!" i was hurt. hes such an asshole! he even went as far as to say that he wont sign my car over to me until i graduate so if i move out before that i wont have a car. fuck it i say, if i live in mv i'll be close enough to work and school to walk. but, in the middle of it my mom woke up. we talked a little about it...she wasnt mean though. she was just telling me to seriously think it over and make sure i would have enough money to do it.
but this morning she said that she was sorry if she was mean..."it wasnt a nice thing for me to wake up to" but i was like "its ok, you werent mean." and then she told me that shes having a hard time thinking about me moving out...she cant let go. and when i went to hug her and comfort her and she pulled away and started to cry...it makes me get all misty eyed just thinking about it. she thinks that im not happy at home and thats why i'm moving out. partly, thats it. i want to be able to spend the night with a boy whenever i want and not come home until 3 am...stuff i cant do at home. but it makes my mom sad...she feels like she is a bad parent and she isnt doing her job. god damn. that makes me feel so guilty!
i love my mom like no other...i love her so much it hurts me. i dont want to leave her there at my house alone with my dad and brother...they dont understand and care about my mom and her feelings. i'm the one who really knows and cares about how she thinks and feels- i'm the one who actually notices when shes upset and tries to comfort her.
i dont ever want to leave her.
i dont know what to do.
i want to move out but i dont want to hurt her.
he was totally pissed off..."you're not moving out until you graduate no matter what." when i told him i wanted to he went off. he was mean "you wont make it, you can barely get yourself up in the morning!" i was hurt. hes such an asshole! he even went as far as to say that he wont sign my car over to me until i graduate so if i move out before that i wont have a car. fuck it i say, if i live in mv i'll be close enough to work and school to walk. but, in the middle of it my mom woke up. we talked a little about it...she wasnt mean though. she was just telling me to seriously think it over and make sure i would have enough money to do it.
but this morning she said that she was sorry if she was mean..."it wasnt a nice thing for me to wake up to" but i was like "its ok, you werent mean." and then she told me that shes having a hard time thinking about me moving out...she cant let go. and when i went to hug her and comfort her and she pulled away and started to cry...it makes me get all misty eyed just thinking about it. she thinks that im not happy at home and thats why i'm moving out. partly, thats it. i want to be able to spend the night with a boy whenever i want and not come home until 3 am...stuff i cant do at home. but it makes my mom sad...she feels like she is a bad parent and she isnt doing her job. god damn. that makes me feel so guilty!
i love my mom like no other...i love her so much it hurts me. i dont want to leave her there at my house alone with my dad and brother...they dont understand and care about my mom and her feelings. i'm the one who really knows and cares about how she thinks and feels- i'm the one who actually notices when shes upset and tries to comfort her.
i dont ever want to leave her.
i dont know what to do.
i want to move out but i dont want to hurt her.