I'm an idiot.
I dropped a curling iron on MY FACE this morning. It slipped. Anyway, I'm howling ('cause it freaking hurt) and my mother calls in:
Mom. Do you want some ice?
Me. (yells) Yes, but we don't have any freaking ice, the ice maker quit (re: all things with a plug) last month.
Mom. (walks in my bedroom) Here. This'll work. (hands me a bottle of Bombay Sapphire that I keep in the freezer) Soothe yourself with a bottle of gin.
Me. (holds it to my face, mutters) It wouldn't be the first time.
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And you wonder where I get it. *snort*