Mad/Upset
Ever been so angry so mad at someone you love that you wanted to punch them in the face? You can see them hurting and they won't open up to you. All you want to do is comfort them but they push you away because its best for you guys to "move on". I'm so mad right know i could just.. well i could just spit.
I think I'm mad at the situation, mad at the person who created the situation and mad at myself for not seeing it and allowing it to happen.
I've come to some conclusions the last couple of days. Mostly because I have a lot of free time at work to think about and reflect upon myself and my life up to this point. I've come to the realization that I've made a lot of mistakes, have said a lot of really stupid shit and have hurt people's emotions and have had mine hurt in return.
I've decided that these are my goals and the things I want in my life. I want to finish my MBA, I'm getting rid of the marketing side of things. I just have no passion to do it. I want to go and get my Doctorates in Clinical Psychology. I've decided that working with mental health patients is were I want to be. Even though there is a high burn out rate in this field. Its something I'm truly passionate about. It facinates me and is a continually growing industry. I know that I don't want to live in Washington forever or even to much longer. And I know I don't want to live in the Skagit Valley, Burlington-Mount Vernon area. I have 2 friends here, the gay population is nasty and I think there is some sort of interdependence that I have by staying so close to my dad.
A few of you know my friend Stephanie. Well she got a teaching job in Lake Havasu. Thats in Arizona has the london bridge. Big party town during labor day weekend the lake is completely covered in boats. You could walk from one end of the lake to the other.
I've decided that I'm always going to be my little sisters "Shawn" as she calls me. The fact is I don't see her that often right now as it is. Maybe once every other week. And I didn't see her that much when I was at Central. The other thing I'm sure about is who I'm in love with. I know we've had a patchy road. And things ended this last weekend. But its ironic how similar our feelings are at the moment. We both want boyfriends, we both have body image issues, we both want to move on with our lives, and we are both lost and searching.
I didn't know that these feelings were so similar until the other day. And it dawned on me that I was angry that I didn't know this person had these feelings. Then it came to me that I want to search together. I want to find a life with this person. And I know any road we take together will be hard. We are both bad at communicating with each other but were our emotions on our sleeves. I said stupid things all the time which shows my immaturity and pisses this person off.
All I know for sure is that I love this person. Many of you know that and I don't even have to say anything. You can see it in my reactions, the way I talk about this person. Many of you know who I'm even talking about without even saying his name. I want to be boyfriends with this person, I want to move to Las Vegas with this person. I want to hug him when he's about to cry from a stressful week.
This post has kind of run on and I'm sorry. I just have to get my emotions down somewhere and I know my fellow readers will read this. Since I don't post that often. I hate that most of my posts always are down trodden.
My final realization since I'm at work and I really should start doing something. I've come to the realization that I need to start making choices in my life that are going to make me happy. And I know not all my choices will be easy. Many of them will be a struggle. But I've managed to persiver(sp?).
Shawn will accomplish. That's the new motto. Shawn will accomplish and achieve because he doesn't think he can he knows he can.
I think I'm mad at the situation, mad at the person who created the situation and mad at myself for not seeing it and allowing it to happen.
I've come to some conclusions the last couple of days. Mostly because I have a lot of free time at work to think about and reflect upon myself and my life up to this point. I've come to the realization that I've made a lot of mistakes, have said a lot of really stupid shit and have hurt people's emotions and have had mine hurt in return.
I've decided that these are my goals and the things I want in my life. I want to finish my MBA, I'm getting rid of the marketing side of things. I just have no passion to do it. I want to go and get my Doctorates in Clinical Psychology. I've decided that working with mental health patients is were I want to be. Even though there is a high burn out rate in this field. Its something I'm truly passionate about. It facinates me and is a continually growing industry. I know that I don't want to live in Washington forever or even to much longer. And I know I don't want to live in the Skagit Valley, Burlington-Mount Vernon area. I have 2 friends here, the gay population is nasty and I think there is some sort of interdependence that I have by staying so close to my dad.
A few of you know my friend Stephanie. Well she got a teaching job in Lake Havasu. Thats in Arizona has the london bridge. Big party town during labor day weekend the lake is completely covered in boats. You could walk from one end of the lake to the other.
I've decided that I'm always going to be my little sisters "Shawn" as she calls me. The fact is I don't see her that often right now as it is. Maybe once every other week. And I didn't see her that much when I was at Central. The other thing I'm sure about is who I'm in love with. I know we've had a patchy road. And things ended this last weekend. But its ironic how similar our feelings are at the moment. We both want boyfriends, we both have body image issues, we both want to move on with our lives, and we are both lost and searching.
I didn't know that these feelings were so similar until the other day. And it dawned on me that I was angry that I didn't know this person had these feelings. Then it came to me that I want to search together. I want to find a life with this person. And I know any road we take together will be hard. We are both bad at communicating with each other but were our emotions on our sleeves. I said stupid things all the time which shows my immaturity and pisses this person off.
All I know for sure is that I love this person. Many of you know that and I don't even have to say anything. You can see it in my reactions, the way I talk about this person. Many of you know who I'm even talking about without even saying his name. I want to be boyfriends with this person, I want to move to Las Vegas with this person. I want to hug him when he's about to cry from a stressful week.
This post has kind of run on and I'm sorry. I just have to get my emotions down somewhere and I know my fellow readers will read this. Since I don't post that often. I hate that most of my posts always are down trodden.
My final realization since I'm at work and I really should start doing something. I've come to the realization that I need to start making choices in my life that are going to make me happy. And I know not all my choices will be easy. Many of them will be a struggle. But I've managed to persiver(sp?).
Shawn will accomplish. That's the new motto. Shawn will accomplish and achieve because he doesn't think he can he knows he can.