The End
I graduated last Friday.
I have decided to finish this journal today. I may start a new one, or maybe I'll keep the next one private. This journal was for college, though, and I should really write some sort of conclusion.
Last Monday, I got my acceptance letter to the University of Minnesota. I immediately responded to it. I am going to be starting my Master's in Evaluation Studies program there this fall.
Senior Week began last Tuesday and finished with Commencement. I lived on my freshman floor with a random guy who I've actually said "hello" to since sophomore year, so I was pleased. The first night, Michelle and I got drunk and wandered around the towers with plastic beer bottles (no glass was allowed, but open alcohol was) talking to anyone we met, including the person they call Samoa Joe, who is one of the most muscular men on campus. I told him I was always intimidated by him, and he said that he's one of the nicest guys around. I believed him.
When I came out of the stairwell one time, I heard a guy calling a professor a "faggot" (not to his face). I asked him why he was calling him that, and he said, "Because he's an asshole." "If he's an asshole, why is he a 'faggot'?" I asked, and I pressed the issue. I'm glad I got to ream out someone for using the f-word one last time while I was in college.
The whole week was fun, even if it was poorly planned. We went to Atlantic City, Point Pleasant, Great Adventure, and ended with a prom-like send-off. More than anything, it helped me see how ready I was to leave. I am going to miss so many people and I had a lot of fun in college, but by the end I was simply ready to move on, and that was the best feeling I could have hoped for.
Graduation was brief. Despite all of the forecasts that called for rain, it was a beautiful, sunny day. I sat between L. Fusco and Mary Grace, with Kristin nearby. After that, we went to the department ceremony, which felt only slightly more formal and a little shorter than the Psi Chi Induction. Dr. Martinetti gave me a big smile and wave in the middle of the ceremony. Some of my peers made hooting noises when my name was called, which made me feel really nice. Outside, I got to tell Dr. Leynes, Dr. Martinetti, and Dr. Bledsoe that I got into Minnesota, and they were all really happy for me. My parents were so proud. It was a really good feeling.
The whole morning was over in a blink. I don't know what I expected. I gently slid away from TCNJ with an empty diploma-holder. I said goodbye to my friends fairly casually. No drama. No tears. I felt loved and respected, and that is the most important thing.
My family and I went to Mastoris for dinner, which was great. When I got home, I looked around and didn't quite know what to do next, which is what I expected.
The next day, I went to Kristin's party in Doylestown and said goodbye. I don't know when I'll see her again. I don't know when I'll see anyone from college again. It's a strange thought.
This week, I've been sifting through all of the college papers and throwing out things I've been holding onto for years just in case I needed them again. I downloaded my LJ entries into Excel and started copying them over to Word and editing them so that I can print them out, fasten them together, delete this, and tuck it away somewhere. Going through the LJ, I was so appreciative that I wrote all of those exhaustive entries, that I posted as frequently as I did. I had some wonderful times in college, and I've changed so much. I have nothing but hope for the future, both in Minneapolis and beyond, because I know that college taught me so much about life. Now, I can fix my mistakes, make new ones, and really start to live the way I want.
The other night, Michael took me out to dinner and a play (Cloud 9). I am so glad that now, at the end of college, I am still talking to my first boyfriend and we get along really well. I was sitting around with nothing to do when I got a text message from him, which was quite unexpected because we hadn't spoken in months. I love when my life wraps up so neatly, when figures from the past appear to usher me to the future. He was a senior when I was a freshman, and now, after graduating, I feel I can relate to him that much more. It was important for me to be able to discuss everything I was feeling about graduation with him, and he was as knowledgeable and insightful as I expected him to be. I had such a fun time. We crack each other up. I hope I get to see him at least one more time before I go. I think we are going to go to Happy Hour at Bump sometime and get sloshed again. We might also try finding Mike Turner at the restaurant where he works in Center City, just for the hell of it. We attempted it the other night but were unsuccessful.
When I got back, I messaged Stephen on LJ because we haven't spoken since August and, if I'm leaving, I can't really wait for things to resolve naturally. Now is not the time to keep up petty fights like I used to. I'm done with that. Saying goodbye is hard enough without harping on old silly squabbles, and he was really important to me at one time.
I don't know how to finish this journal. Should I list my friends? My cherished memories? Many of my memories are here, and I hope I mentioned my friends enough that I don't need to re-cap in a separate entry.
I really want to end it with some great epiphany, the biggest lesson I learned in college, but I don't think college can be so easily summed up. I think it made me see how much life fluxuates, and how beautiful and beneficial that constant change can be. Love and friendship came and went, right up to the end. I was right sometimes, I was wrong others. Sometimes I admitted it, sometimes I didn't. At times, I was very depressed, but just as often, I was on top of the world. Grades were a complete crap shoot. Moments of brilliance were balanced by moments of complete idiocy. I became comfortable with inconsistency, with imperfection, and I really began to appreciate everything for its unique--and sometimes fucked-up--nature. Therefore, no single lesson other than universal impermanence and appreciation comes to mind, than seeing the highs and lows for what they are and finding some way to grow from them regardless. I think that it just as valuable as any formal lesson I learned.
College is over for me. New Jersey is over for me. A major era of my life--the first, really--is transitioning into an adventure that is actually the start of my adulthood. Just like college, it is a mix of so many things--sadness, excitement, etc.--that I can't fully describe it here, so I won't even bother. I'm sure you can imagine.
Thank you to everyone who made college what it was. I will always be grateful.
Love you all. Miss you already.
~Jeremy
I have decided to finish this journal today. I may start a new one, or maybe I'll keep the next one private. This journal was for college, though, and I should really write some sort of conclusion.
Last Monday, I got my acceptance letter to the University of Minnesota. I immediately responded to it. I am going to be starting my Master's in Evaluation Studies program there this fall.
Senior Week began last Tuesday and finished with Commencement. I lived on my freshman floor with a random guy who I've actually said "hello" to since sophomore year, so I was pleased. The first night, Michelle and I got drunk and wandered around the towers with plastic beer bottles (no glass was allowed, but open alcohol was) talking to anyone we met, including the person they call Samoa Joe, who is one of the most muscular men on campus. I told him I was always intimidated by him, and he said that he's one of the nicest guys around. I believed him.
When I came out of the stairwell one time, I heard a guy calling a professor a "faggot" (not to his face). I asked him why he was calling him that, and he said, "Because he's an asshole." "If he's an asshole, why is he a 'faggot'?" I asked, and I pressed the issue. I'm glad I got to ream out someone for using the f-word one last time while I was in college.
The whole week was fun, even if it was poorly planned. We went to Atlantic City, Point Pleasant, Great Adventure, and ended with a prom-like send-off. More than anything, it helped me see how ready I was to leave. I am going to miss so many people and I had a lot of fun in college, but by the end I was simply ready to move on, and that was the best feeling I could have hoped for.
Graduation was brief. Despite all of the forecasts that called for rain, it was a beautiful, sunny day. I sat between L. Fusco and Mary Grace, with Kristin nearby. After that, we went to the department ceremony, which felt only slightly more formal and a little shorter than the Psi Chi Induction. Dr. Martinetti gave me a big smile and wave in the middle of the ceremony. Some of my peers made hooting noises when my name was called, which made me feel really nice. Outside, I got to tell Dr. Leynes, Dr. Martinetti, and Dr. Bledsoe that I got into Minnesota, and they were all really happy for me. My parents were so proud. It was a really good feeling.
The whole morning was over in a blink. I don't know what I expected. I gently slid away from TCNJ with an empty diploma-holder. I said goodbye to my friends fairly casually. No drama. No tears. I felt loved and respected, and that is the most important thing.
My family and I went to Mastoris for dinner, which was great. When I got home, I looked around and didn't quite know what to do next, which is what I expected.
The next day, I went to Kristin's party in Doylestown and said goodbye. I don't know when I'll see her again. I don't know when I'll see anyone from college again. It's a strange thought.
This week, I've been sifting through all of the college papers and throwing out things I've been holding onto for years just in case I needed them again. I downloaded my LJ entries into Excel and started copying them over to Word and editing them so that I can print them out, fasten them together, delete this, and tuck it away somewhere. Going through the LJ, I was so appreciative that I wrote all of those exhaustive entries, that I posted as frequently as I did. I had some wonderful times in college, and I've changed so much. I have nothing but hope for the future, both in Minneapolis and beyond, because I know that college taught me so much about life. Now, I can fix my mistakes, make new ones, and really start to live the way I want.
The other night, Michael took me out to dinner and a play (Cloud 9). I am so glad that now, at the end of college, I am still talking to my first boyfriend and we get along really well. I was sitting around with nothing to do when I got a text message from him, which was quite unexpected because we hadn't spoken in months. I love when my life wraps up so neatly, when figures from the past appear to usher me to the future. He was a senior when I was a freshman, and now, after graduating, I feel I can relate to him that much more. It was important for me to be able to discuss everything I was feeling about graduation with him, and he was as knowledgeable and insightful as I expected him to be. I had such a fun time. We crack each other up. I hope I get to see him at least one more time before I go. I think we are going to go to Happy Hour at Bump sometime and get sloshed again. We might also try finding Mike Turner at the restaurant where he works in Center City, just for the hell of it. We attempted it the other night but were unsuccessful.
When I got back, I messaged Stephen on LJ because we haven't spoken since August and, if I'm leaving, I can't really wait for things to resolve naturally. Now is not the time to keep up petty fights like I used to. I'm done with that. Saying goodbye is hard enough without harping on old silly squabbles, and he was really important to me at one time.
I don't know how to finish this journal. Should I list my friends? My cherished memories? Many of my memories are here, and I hope I mentioned my friends enough that I don't need to re-cap in a separate entry.
I really want to end it with some great epiphany, the biggest lesson I learned in college, but I don't think college can be so easily summed up. I think it made me see how much life fluxuates, and how beautiful and beneficial that constant change can be. Love and friendship came and went, right up to the end. I was right sometimes, I was wrong others. Sometimes I admitted it, sometimes I didn't. At times, I was very depressed, but just as often, I was on top of the world. Grades were a complete crap shoot. Moments of brilliance were balanced by moments of complete idiocy. I became comfortable with inconsistency, with imperfection, and I really began to appreciate everything for its unique--and sometimes fucked-up--nature. Therefore, no single lesson other than universal impermanence and appreciation comes to mind, than seeing the highs and lows for what they are and finding some way to grow from them regardless. I think that it just as valuable as any formal lesson I learned.
College is over for me. New Jersey is over for me. A major era of my life--the first, really--is transitioning into an adventure that is actually the start of my adulthood. Just like college, it is a mix of so many things--sadness, excitement, etc.--that I can't fully describe it here, so I won't even bother. I'm sure you can imagine.
Thank you to everyone who made college what it was. I will always be grateful.
Love you all. Miss you already.
~Jeremy