Fuck Summer
Well I again reached that time in the cycle in my life where I hit abosoulte rock bottom. Everything suddenly collapsed all around me even more that it was before. Steve my cousin my partner, he OD'd on sleeping pill at his baseball game on thursday because he thought they were energy pills. Now is in the hospital in Brighton and the only thing the doctors can do for him is put him under observation because the pills had already disolved into his system. It is now Sunday and that happened on thursday and he's still unconcious. I must say that this whole thing is not looking to good the chances of him pulling through slip lower and lower with each passing day. To make matters worse even if he does survive this he gets shipped off to juvy for 8 MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS because this is the second time hes violated his probation, thats this whole summer plus some of next year. I honestly dont know what I am going to do with myself if Steve dies he means everything to me.
The Melanie situation well lets just say its no better. I know that when she leaves for Caseville that all my chances if there even were any are gonna be gone. I've decided to try and no think about her and leave her alone with all my calling her and what not because I know deep down that as much as she says she doesnt mind that really she wants me to leave her alone. I hurts so bad because I know I did this. It always happens this way my life is just a cycle.... I'm happy for 1 or 2 months then something happens and It starts going downhill for maybe a month then I hit abosoulte rock bottom for maybe a week or two the it starts to pick back up and rise again. I'm still so in love with Melanie though and everytime I think about it, it just breaks me to know that I had her and I took advantage of it and now its gone. I really dont know what I can do. I wanna call her just to hear her voice but I promised her I wouldnt...... I promised..
I really dont understand whats going on right in my life right now, I mean I do but like I dont understand what really going on I mean I'm only like 2 weeks into summer and I'm already tired of it. Its like all my philosophys, all my beliefs on what summer was supposed to be and what fun was and the feeling you get when your far away from everything and everyone that sence of freedom and that feeling on know that right now is all that matters, and never wanting to grow up, its all just meaningless, and all I get now is just this huge wave of meloncohly just flooding over me......... i really dont know what else to say. So instead of doing all these things this summer know that all there gonna do is wear me down, I just put in more hours at my job... this week I've got 35 hours only 5 more and I could be full time. But when I stop and think about that its going against everything I promised myself that i wouldnt become because summer is know as a time of freedom and fun, and by working so much I'm locking myself away inside a structure of busniess and work for the entire summer. I guess it does have its goods and bads good is I'll be sheilded from all the bullshit floating around outside my work all those false philosophys and I'll be making money for it, bads is i'm forcing myself to grow up early which is never good. And all that i'm doing is blocking out all the problems and letting them die inside my head and my heart all my feelings all my beliefs all my unfocused energy and passion that a teenagers has is all being drained from me everytime I step through those doors and punch in and by next year I'll be a wreak of my former self looking back on this wasted summer and wonder WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT and realize its to late to go back, realize that I lost the nerve lost the girl and lost my youth....... and once that happens every part of me will have died and all I will be will be one of the mindless drones that the government so brutally tries to create..
The Melanie situation well lets just say its no better. I know that when she leaves for Caseville that all my chances if there even were any are gonna be gone. I've decided to try and no think about her and leave her alone with all my calling her and what not because I know deep down that as much as she says she doesnt mind that really she wants me to leave her alone. I hurts so bad because I know I did this. It always happens this way my life is just a cycle.... I'm happy for 1 or 2 months then something happens and It starts going downhill for maybe a month then I hit abosoulte rock bottom for maybe a week or two the it starts to pick back up and rise again. I'm still so in love with Melanie though and everytime I think about it, it just breaks me to know that I had her and I took advantage of it and now its gone. I really dont know what I can do. I wanna call her just to hear her voice but I promised her I wouldnt...... I promised..
I really dont understand whats going on right in my life right now, I mean I do but like I dont understand what really going on I mean I'm only like 2 weeks into summer and I'm already tired of it. Its like all my philosophys, all my beliefs on what summer was supposed to be and what fun was and the feeling you get when your far away from everything and everyone that sence of freedom and that feeling on know that right now is all that matters, and never wanting to grow up, its all just meaningless, and all I get now is just this huge wave of meloncohly just flooding over me......... i really dont know what else to say. So instead of doing all these things this summer know that all there gonna do is wear me down, I just put in more hours at my job... this week I've got 35 hours only 5 more and I could be full time. But when I stop and think about that its going against everything I promised myself that i wouldnt become because summer is know as a time of freedom and fun, and by working so much I'm locking myself away inside a structure of busniess and work for the entire summer. I guess it does have its goods and bads good is I'll be sheilded from all the bullshit floating around outside my work all those false philosophys and I'll be making money for it, bads is i'm forcing myself to grow up early which is never good. And all that i'm doing is blocking out all the problems and letting them die inside my head and my heart all my feelings all my beliefs all my unfocused energy and passion that a teenagers has is all being drained from me everytime I step through those doors and punch in and by next year I'll be a wreak of my former self looking back on this wasted summer and wonder WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT and realize its to late to go back, realize that I lost the nerve lost the girl and lost my youth....... and once that happens every part of me will have died and all I will be will be one of the mindless drones that the government so brutally tries to create..