.......
Yesterday I went out to Como Zoo with J. I had been feeling much better than I have anytime lately. After walking for a few minutes I started feeling funny. I felt like there were bubbles in my ears, particularly my left. My voice started sounding funny to me, really sharp but distant at the same time and my heart kept feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest. I figured I was just being a wuss but eventually I sat down to try to get the racing to stop. I thought that did the trick. Not so much. A while later we were talking to some guy about polar bears and I started to black out. It seemed rude [and weak] to interrupt him to say I needed to go sit down because, unluckily for me, the only available option was across the room. By the time there was enough of a pause in his spiel I couldn't see anything. I tried to walk over to where I was aiming for but, um...that didn't really work out. I'm not totally sure what happened but somehow I ended up whacking my face on a informational table/sign next to where I was trying to go and ending up on the floor. It was fucking embarrassing. The woman standing next to me happened to be a nurse [why's there ALWAYS a goddamned nurse?!]. So that got all complicated and she had them get a wheelchair and lots of other embarrassing, but otherwise unremarkable stuff happened. I walked away [no pun intended, if that is indeed a pun...]with a cut under my chin, scraped lips, and my nose and side of my face got bruised or something. Some other stuff happened a bit later and in short, I made a doctor's appointment for today.
That didn't go the greatest. Not surprisingly, my EKG is effed up again. It's not really serious, but it's not good, the worst of which being that my heart is beating too fast and I'm orthostatic. It freaks me out that all this has happened so fast this time around. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared.
Today it was really difficult to eat or drink anything for most of the day. I had plans tonight and while I was waiting for a friend to pick me up from the library I decided to go for a walk. My feet kept going numb and I wasn't feeling good so I sat went and sat at the park. I was really mad that I couldn't go further. It's messed up that I couldn't walk more than 3-4 blocks...
I didn't eat anything or drink much all evening. I came home, tried to find something I could eat and deemed it too complicated. I wasn't planning on changing my mind but my chest started hurting. It's been doing that some but it got worse. It felt like it was going into my back and burned. This really freaked me out so I tried to convince myself to eat something. It must've looked strange with me opening cottage cheese while arguing with myself that that wasn't good enough because it had like no potassium, glaring at it, crying, grabbing leftovers instead, freaking out and taking them out of the microwave, putting them back in the fridge, changing my my mind, and ultimately heating them back up again. I was trying really hard to make the right decision and it backfired. I ended up eating far too much.... and the rest is probably obvious.
Which is why help is seeming like an exceedingly good thing. I can't do this. I really really can't.
And now I'm sitting here wondering how much shit is left in my stomach and writing this after eating 40 or so calories worth of hard candy just now. I feel like a bloated whale. Tomorrow morning is going to suck. Oh wait, it's here as of 25 minutes ago...at least my chest stopped hurting.
That didn't go the greatest. Not surprisingly, my EKG is effed up again. It's not really serious, but it's not good, the worst of which being that my heart is beating too fast and I'm orthostatic. It freaks me out that all this has happened so fast this time around. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared.
Today it was really difficult to eat or drink anything for most of the day. I had plans tonight and while I was waiting for a friend to pick me up from the library I decided to go for a walk. My feet kept going numb and I wasn't feeling good so I sat went and sat at the park. I was really mad that I couldn't go further. It's messed up that I couldn't walk more than 3-4 blocks...
I didn't eat anything or drink much all evening. I came home, tried to find something I could eat and deemed it too complicated. I wasn't planning on changing my mind but my chest started hurting. It's been doing that some but it got worse. It felt like it was going into my back and burned. This really freaked me out so I tried to convince myself to eat something. It must've looked strange with me opening cottage cheese while arguing with myself that that wasn't good enough because it had like no potassium, glaring at it, crying, grabbing leftovers instead, freaking out and taking them out of the microwave, putting them back in the fridge, changing my my mind, and ultimately heating them back up again. I was trying really hard to make the right decision and it backfired. I ended up eating far too much.... and the rest is probably obvious.
Which is why help is seeming like an exceedingly good thing. I can't do this. I really really can't.
And now I'm sitting here wondering how much shit is left in my stomach and writing this after eating 40 or so calories worth of hard candy just now. I feel like a bloated whale. Tomorrow morning is going to suck. Oh wait, it's here as of 25 minutes ago...at least my chest stopped hurting.