[Open post] pieces of your presence here

[umpteenthdream]

It's one of those late mornings - Helen's been up since dawn, feeling that slow quietness that comes with nostalgia. Her son got married - he and Bridget give her joy, but that has also set her to remembering her own marriage

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[silvereyedphage]

She might find she has company, though he was in search of green tea and red bean mochi. On seeing her, Muraki pauses, one of his rare genuine smiles crossing his face and reaching his good eye.

"Helen... it's been a while, hasn't it, the last time we saw one another?" he says, his voice soft yet husky with a quiet ardor.

[umpteenthdream]

The warm, sensual voice certainly comes in contrast with Helen's brooding, but it's welcome.

Company, warmth, intimacy... those were the things she was missing, and Muraki is offering them on a plate.

Hard to resist, if you ask her. Even for someone as measured as she is.

"Do you find?" she asks, her smile gentle, sweet.

As I recall, we did handwave them going together to the wedding, right? Er...

[silvereyedphage]

"I was looking for tea, but I've found someone who nourishes my heart and soul," he says, coming closer. holding out his hands to her, palms up and open. "How have you been, since your son's wedding to his true love?"

Hee, we talked about it: handwaving works for me!

[umpteenthdream]

Helen is always a touch flustered when Muraki waxes poetry for her - but at the same time, it's so nice!

"Well," she replies, though it's half a lie, "thoughtful, I guess. It's a big change."

♥

[silvereyedphage]

"It is: a sign that he's grown up; I've met the young man whom he married. I doubt there could be a better match or mate for him," he says, approvingly. "Bridget will certainly make him happy and keep his spirits warmed.

Growing a bit wistful, but cheerfully so, he adds, "It, and several other things have made me think of us, what we are... I know that it isn't possible for us to marry, since you have a husband in your world, but... the thought has crossed my mind and heart, that if it were possible, I would like to marry you."

[umpteenthdream]

Helen was about to make an effusively positive comment about Bridget, whom she likes very much, but... the latter takes her aback, just a little.

"--- is that so, Kazu-kun?" She's almost stammering -- "--- I... am overwhelmed."

That's all she's found to say.

[silvereyedphage]

"I've carried the thought and the desire in my heart for some time now, but... your son's marriage and tending to a couple of patients with child have gotten me to thinking," he says. "I doubt I shall leave this place, and so... I want to make a home of this place, a home I would gladly make with you."

[umpteenthdream]

But it's too much to take in - to agree that she will never see Curtis again, or refuse him if he were ever to show up.

Too much, too, to admit that she may have been nourishing adulterous thoughts.

To wed another, or get as close as possible to such a thing.

Oh, goodness gracious.

"Kazutaka...." she begins, and trails off.... "I... it's so overwhelming..." so soon.... "I... I would like to think about it."

[silvereyedphage]

"Give it the time that you need: I had thought of... hm, popping the question at Christmas time, since that's a rather popular time for men to propose to the women whom they love," he says, thoughtfully.

"And I understand: It wouldn't be a marriage per se, but more like... a commitment, I suppose. Being the creature that I am, with the needs that I have in order to live, I can't completely bind myself to one person exclusively. But I can assure you, if you will have me, there won't be another woman in my life."

[umpteenthdream]

Helen had never considered the implications, nor had she ever asked herself whether Muraki was... seeing.... other people (and apparently, quite a bit of those other people.)

And that makes her blink at him.

It's quite honestly a deal-breaker, but she's too delicate to say it that way.

"Darling," she says softly, "as much as I care about you...." but she is brave and well-rounded, and she forces herself to go on, and be honest, "I'm afraid... we should probably remain friends."

A beat, and she says, very softly, "It is a matter of self-preservation, you see?"

[silvereyedphage]

He makes no reply, not initially or verbally, but a quiet look of disappointment shows in his good eye. But he doesn't give in easily. "If it's infection that you're concerned about, I assure you, I'm meticulous, even fussy to a fault about hygiene," he says, holding out hope at least for the moment.

[umpteenthdream]

"I'm afraid that is not my greater concern," Helen says patiently. She smiles, a little sadly. "We are simply not built the same way, perhaps."

She goes on to add, "though it does not mean that I do not care deeply for you, it simply means I cannot commit as you seem to ask me to."

[silvereyedphage]

He doesn't show quite how crestfallen he is, not in his face at least, though his head may sink a bit. "I was hoping that we two had a future together, as more than friends, but if wish to remain simply as friends, I shan't press the issue," he says. He makes a move to speak, but he silences these thoughts...

[umpteenthdream]

"I am married," Helen says softly. "I have a son..."

She sighs, hesitates, eventually, she stands.

"I am so sorry I could not give you what you wished for..."

She is very genuinely contrite.

[silvereyedphage]

"I would give you another son, if you desired it," he says, reaching out to, typist willing, put a gentle hand on her shoulder, just resting the tips of his fingers there. "But if it's not to be, I shan't press the matter." And he'll retract his hand, slowly, clearly disappointed, but resigned to this.

[umpteenthdream]

That takes her aback, if only momentarily, and Helen looks up at him.

She's touched and unsettled, and her first response is to say, without thinking, "I am too old," which she is, indeed.

Mostly, though, Helen is completely out of her depth - she never expected Muraki to be so serious.