managing triggers
So i've always been interested in watching a Clockwork Orange but have for years refrained from an attempt due to being wise about triggers. Thought i might be able to handle it tonight.
Ha, i may have barely lasted ten minutes before i had to turn it off.
BUT WAIT! I DID turn it off. While i was watching it dawned on me that i should have a plan for dealing with triggers. It's fairly late, so my options felt limited, so i took the Wise Mind route and just accepted that this could get difficult for me, and now isn't the ideal time to try to tackle it. Go me!
So while i'm still feeling triggered, i'm handling it well. Trying not to let my thoughts go in "that" direction. I have not acted out in accordance with a fairly new behavior contract, although i have noticed my tendency to finding new vices is still something to be cognizant of. I've been feeling like controlling my diet/body in some extreme way, and i'm at least present enough to recognize that this is likely the result of having something to in my control for me to act out my emotions with. So i'm doing my best to stop that bullshit before it goes anywhere.
For the present moment what i could really use are some distractions. One of my new favorite tactics? Lists. Time to focus on some positives:
1)if i were to write my therapist right now, it would look differently than it did yesterday
2)i felt so "at home" at home today. i was just going to the bathroom, grabbing some tissue to catch a sneeze, and it just kinda hit me. i feel AT HOME.
3)i made a good purchase from the bookstore. Picked a winner. I haven't had much desire to put the book down, and i've gained a lot of useful food for thought from the reading
4) I didn't entertain the impulse to not eat today. I ate, and made sure I ate well...a lot of fruit, cut back on snacking at work, and instead of stopping and munching on shit on the way home from the grocery store, i went home and filled up on a yummy, raisin-y bowl of oatmeal. I ate a cookie, and if I exercise tonight it will be doing a regular reasonable set, i'm not going to try to do penance with hours of activity. I don't need to be absolved from nothin'!
5) i took on the whopping huge task of figuring out how to navigate something insurance-related. Crikey, sometimes easy tasks feel SO BIG, i used to be in the habit of at least asking for assistance/encouragement when i felt i needed it, but have been replacing that humiliating tendency with an even worse habit: AVOIDANCE, pure and simple. So today i finally sucked it up and devoted the five minutes necessary to figuring out something extremely important that should have been handled long ago. Not only better late than never, but it's time to revive an old habit: getting it done myself or sucking it up and asking for assistance if needed. No more of this inaction crap.
6) i have a soft, reliable stuffed animal to comfort myself with when i need him :)
7) it's been nice outside
8) i worked extra hours this month, which will be a help financially, and i have more extra hours scheduled :)
9) i found a couple things genuinely funny today, and enjoyed a good laugh over them
10) i am using self soothing and distraction techniques as we speak! No cutting, dragging myself across the floor, hitting myself, throwing anything, stewing in solitude, walking the streets in half-hopes of being victimized, or doing anything else out of control. Yay!
celebration with stuffed animal and another cookie :)
Ha, i may have barely lasted ten minutes before i had to turn it off.
BUT WAIT! I DID turn it off. While i was watching it dawned on me that i should have a plan for dealing with triggers. It's fairly late, so my options felt limited, so i took the Wise Mind route and just accepted that this could get difficult for me, and now isn't the ideal time to try to tackle it. Go me!
So while i'm still feeling triggered, i'm handling it well. Trying not to let my thoughts go in "that" direction. I have not acted out in accordance with a fairly new behavior contract, although i have noticed my tendency to finding new vices is still something to be cognizant of. I've been feeling like controlling my diet/body in some extreme way, and i'm at least present enough to recognize that this is likely the result of having something to in my control for me to act out my emotions with. So i'm doing my best to stop that bullshit before it goes anywhere.
For the present moment what i could really use are some distractions. One of my new favorite tactics? Lists. Time to focus on some positives:
1)if i were to write my therapist right now, it would look differently than it did yesterday
2)i felt so "at home" at home today. i was just going to the bathroom, grabbing some tissue to catch a sneeze, and it just kinda hit me. i feel AT HOME.
3)i made a good purchase from the bookstore. Picked a winner. I haven't had much desire to put the book down, and i've gained a lot of useful food for thought from the reading
4) I didn't entertain the impulse to not eat today. I ate, and made sure I ate well...a lot of fruit, cut back on snacking at work, and instead of stopping and munching on shit on the way home from the grocery store, i went home and filled up on a yummy, raisin-y bowl of oatmeal. I ate a cookie, and if I exercise tonight it will be doing a regular reasonable set, i'm not going to try to do penance with hours of activity. I don't need to be absolved from nothin'!
5) i took on the whopping huge task of figuring out how to navigate something insurance-related. Crikey, sometimes easy tasks feel SO BIG, i used to be in the habit of at least asking for assistance/encouragement when i felt i needed it, but have been replacing that humiliating tendency with an even worse habit: AVOIDANCE, pure and simple. So today i finally sucked it up and devoted the five minutes necessary to figuring out something extremely important that should have been handled long ago. Not only better late than never, but it's time to revive an old habit: getting it done myself or sucking it up and asking for assistance if needed. No more of this inaction crap.
6) i have a soft, reliable stuffed animal to comfort myself with when i need him :)
7) it's been nice outside
8) i worked extra hours this month, which will be a help financially, and i have more extra hours scheduled :)
9) i found a couple things genuinely funny today, and enjoyed a good laugh over them
10) i am using self soothing and distraction techniques as we speak! No cutting, dragging myself across the floor, hitting myself, throwing anything, stewing in solitude, walking the streets in half-hopes of being victimized, or doing anything else out of control. Yay!
celebration with stuffed animal and another cookie :)