tangent
i'm going out of my mind here. i wish everything would just pause for a second and i could rearrange some things and then press play again. unfortunately, life is not a movie and there is no pause button, which saddens me. i took the SAT this morning and it was long and tedious but now it's gone. forever. i'm done with the SAT. i hated actually missing him last night when he probably wasn't thinking about me. i don't want to do it, but should i? ...stuck on that one... pity is so pathetic and i don't want to pity myself or anyone for that matter but this whole situation is pretty fucking pathetic if you ask me. every time anyone's asked me how i am in the past few days all i could let out was a sigh of some sort. which sucks, because here i am, young, healthy, yet unhappy for the most obscure reason. i could say, in a month from now, i'll look back and i won't flinch because none of this will matter. not any of it. another thing that's bothering me is the fact that i keep having these thoughts, bad thoughts that i know i shouldn't be having right now, not until i decide to do something, but i can't help it. i wrote something last night and titled it "sir benjamin myst". i'm ridiculously impulsive and everyone's always told me this but i never believed it until now: i wouldn't know what's good for me if it bit me on the buttocks. is there a medication for this sortof dis-ease? that was rhetorical by the way. life doesn't stop for anyone does it.